At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
I've been married for 14 years and have not been happy for a great deal of it. I have two children, which is what has kept me in the marriage. I've always told myself that I'd stay for the kids, and leave when they are grown. My husband & I don't fight much so I didn't think the kids saw a whole lot of negativity. I've just discovered that my oldest child has noticed that things just aren't quite right. I just blew it off and didn't discuss it with her, but there is no telling what she is thinking. I'm wondering if it's time to call it quits. I've heard that sometimes staying together for the kids is not always a good thing, but I don't know how it could be all that bad either.
I can only relate to my own experience. I thot & did the same as you. I did not realize my son had picked up on all the "quiet dissention" & how unhappy it made him, until I inadvertently overheard him telling a friend. His words were something to the affect "Mom & Dad would be so much better seperated, I love them both equally, but they are not good friends, anymore and that's just nasty." (He was 9 at the time.) I reevaluated my situation and realized I wasn't doing the family any favours. My husband and I divorced...but NEVER, not once was there disparaging words about his father. His father and I are now friends & my son is physically & mentally happy & healthy. I do encourage you to NOT speak ill of each other, the only loser will be you.
Quitting is the easy way out. Why not some counseling. Why not fight to get over rough patches. Marriage is a lifetime, marriage is a commitement that is supposed to be forever. So why not put all your effort into trying to make it work. Do things to try to make it improve get some marriage counseling in. See if it can be saved, especially after 14 years. I am sure it can be.
Quitting is the easy way out. Why not some counseling. Why not fight to get over rough patches. Marriage is a lifetime, marriage is a commitement that is supposed to be forever. So why not put all your effort into trying to make it work. Do things to try to make it improve get some marriage counseling in. See if it can be saved, especially after 14 years. I am sure it can be.
There are many reasons for the unhappiness. We did counseling about 8 years ago. It wasn't very effective. I'm not sure that I care enough to even try anymore, so I guess some soul searching is in order. Thanks for all your input.
Eight years ago is a long time. Maybe it did not work because one or both of you were not willing to actually work on it. It is your choice on what to do but to me it sounds like you want an easy out. It sounds to me that maybe there is another reason behind this decision. Is there something your leaving out in your posts?
There are many reasons for the unhappiness. We did counseling about 8 years ago. It wasn't very effective. I'm not sure that I care enough to even try anymore, so I guess some soul searching is in order. Thanks for all your input.
You sound bad and for some reason you haven't told us anything we can help you with so some info could help. Help us understand what the problem is. Do you need a doctor or what??
I really don't think a person should be chastised for opting out. Only she knows, what her heart knows. To thine own self be true! There comes a point when you know you are exhausted from trying everything. I tried every service available. We never stop growing emotionally, and sometimes we grow apart! Sometimes there is no fix, so it is better to fix yourself and your environment. And sometimes when you take a breather, and look from the outside in, you can see what needs to be fixed, you mend it, or both mend it and it's better than new. No-one whom has been married 14 years has been taking marriage lightly...so I believe you are giving it your best shot. Make well, thought out decisions! God Bless You!
Linear Mode
