Is there anyone out there married to an ex child molester?

You know it is a real shame that there are support groups for family members alchoholics or drug addicts but not for pedifiles. In fact, the shame of even being associated with someone that has done this deed keeps people from getting advise or the help that they need. ? It is quite possible that I am crazy as well as the other thousands of people that do still love the members of there family that have done this deed. I personally know a few only because they admitted to me about there brother, father, uncle etc.. After they found out about my ex. It was such a relief for them to talk about there mixed feelings about there loved ones to someone else without shame. But apparently we are all just to be hanged with family members. We are not the ones at fault. We are victims. And your hatred and abuse is why they don't ask for help and my even cause others to run from society and make bad decisions that could endanger children because There ill family members are the only ones they can talk to without scorn. If thinking about something is the same as acting on it and worthy of law officials being called, and people wishing they can jump through internet lines and hurt someone,how many of you would be in jail. My God have mercy on your souls.

Hello again, BEEN:

Well said.

excon

And why did I think there might be others on this site? Because of a question posed by a lady named Turnera1 a few days ago, only her kids are still at home. I told her to stay away but without slaming or hurting her the way others did. My heart went out to her realizing that she is still in the beginning of this and knowing what I went through. It is such an emotional thing that you don't know which end is up. I thought I could help myself and others by posting the question. How do you let someone back in your life? In my case time let the anger fade and a harmless geneology project that we were working on together via the phone and internet became a daily ritual. Other than this I have had no contact just a feeling inuendos from him that he would like to and I was exploring my feelings on the subject when I ran across her question. My apologies to you all for existing.

If you're interested:
Support for victims and families
Good luck to you

Been - What do you want us to say? None of us can imagine why you could forget. I get forgiving not forgetting.

My father was arrested for child pornography 7 years ago. He is not in my life nor will he ever be in my life. He of course thinks it no big deal because he hasn't done it since he was arrested. I cannot for the life of me understand why you would want to open your life up to this person when no one - not even my grandmother can open her life again to my father

My point is that you are not finding other people who consider acting on those feelings. There are TONS of people here who've been through the same abuse you're familiar with.

That's harsh. You don't need to apologize for anything...no one thinks you shouldn't exist.... That's ridiculous.
Please understand that this is a very sensitive topic that will incite a lot of fear, anger, resentment, sadness, etc. No "positive" feelings can really be found on this sort of topic I'm afraid.

[quote=BEEN THERE]You know it is a real shame that there are support groups for family members alchoholics or drug addicts but not for pedifiles. In fact, the shame of even being associated with someone that has done this deed keeps people from getting advise or the help that they need. ? It is quite possible that I am crazy as well as the other thousands of people that do still love the members of there family that have done this deed. I personally know a few only because they admitted to me about there brother, father, uncle etc.. After they found out about my ex. It was such a relief for them to talk about there mixed feelings about there loved ones to someone else without shame.

100% agree there should be a support group.. It should go something like this, my father abused me and I am still trying to come to terms with it, evan though it was years ago. It still affects me today. By the way this is my mother at the support group to offer me help and support (oh I am sorry, correct that, this is my mother who does not really give a dam how this has affected me, ruined my life, but rather interested in her own desire to be with this person even though this will not only hurt me but any children I have and any children living close by. SHAME is not an issue, your sence of judgement is.


But apparently we are all just to be hanged with family members.

No just the ruineer of lives - the sick one who refusues to get help.


We are not the ones at fault. We are victims.

Yes 100% and my heart goes out for you and every victim SO WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU CONDONE THIS AND ACCEPT A MAN BACK IN YOU LIFE. IN YOUR BED AFTER HE HAS WANTED YOUR CHILD DAUGHTER !

And your hatred and abuse is why they don't ask for help

I and others have shown no hatred to any victim of abuse, nor have we shown any abuse. We are 100% here to help people who suffer NOT CONDONE AND ACCEPT abuse.


There ill family members are the only ones they can talk to without scorn.

This statement like all of your statements show that your judgement in this issue is impared. I am not qualified to assist you in the treatment of this. For whatever has been done in your past to allow you to think in this abnormal way, I am trully sorry. If I could resolve those issue for you I would give up all my time to do so.

However the fact remains that without disrespect to yourself for the journey that has been forced on you, your impared and incorrect assesment and judgment is an endagerment to children. This is our first and primary concern and should also be yours. Because it is not I have informed the operators of this site and the authorities to contact you.

Although you will not believe what I say, I trully wish you all the best on your journey and that you find love and happiness with a normal loving caring man so that you and your daughter can live a happy and fruitfull live.

Please take care and Please do not have anything to do with this man.

Best wishes, good luck

4 answers

Hello Been, I feel your dilemma, You did the absolute right thing to protect your children from this man and should be applauded as I know for a fact, given your own past, how hard it was. I can't change your feelings, but can only remind you of what you said about having him come back in your life and cause you even more misery than before, just by association. I think you would be well served to seek counseling, and save yourself anymore trauma, by moving on with your life without him in it. Get healthy and seek to be happy.

Thank you,Taliman for a well thought out and well written piece of advise. I think I already knew the right answer I was only confused for a short time but was egged on to defend why I was torn to those that seek to send authorities and pain upon me for asking a question!

Hello BEEN THERE.

Unfortunately, when you come to a free website with the problem that you are posing you are going to get anyone's and everyone's response. I think the gut reaction by some here is very understandable, especially if they have been subjected to abuse in one way or another. So, please excuse and try to ignore the abusive responses. Responding back to these responses, won't help you get the answer you are seeking.

Honey, I don't believe you are going to receive a response here from someone who has been in your shoes and took the guy back years later. Those are women who are in a very limited minority, and I am not aware of anyone here on this forum who has done so. I think you need to consider yourself for the answer you are seeking. Please don't rely on what someone else has done during their life. This really has to do with you and your relationship with your daughter. I know you feel love for the guy, but I think you have touched on something in this quote of yours which I pasted here in my response. Have you spoken to your daughter about how this would make her feel? If you have a close relationship with her, she may very well feel betrayed and hurt to the core, by your even considering this. You have to consider the very good possibility that if you get together with this man, you will have very limited contact with your daughter (if any at all), and you can definitely be assured of rarely seeing your grandchildren (if at all). So, do you think this man is worth that risk? Are you prepared to have your daughter possibly cut you out of her life and your grandchildren's lives? I know that as we get older, it can get lonely when everyone is grown and out of the house. But please, don't trade off the relationship with your daughter so that you can have a relationship with this man. I think that should be your priority in making such a decision. One of the things that you brought up is that so far, it isn't known if this man has done anything akin to what happened years ago since his release. You need to accept the research that has been done on this which is it really is very rare for a pedophile to change, even with years of counseling. They don't necessarily have intercourse with their victims. He might have touched another child inappropriately and just didn't get caught out. He won't tell you the truth. They never do. I think you really need to let this guy go. If you give this some hard thought, you will realize that if you get together with him, in the back of your mind you will always wonder if you see him carrying on a conversation with a child or teen, whether he is thinking about touching them. Not a comfortable way to live the remainder of your life, in my opinion. You need to find someone to fall in love with who you know beyond a shadow of a doubt is completely trustworthy when left with your grandchildren. For you to post your question on this forum, tells me that you aren't sure of that with this man. So, I think you know the answer to your question.