I have been married for 26 years, 3 kids grown. My problem is that my husband has always been very jealous of other men to the point that I don't talk to other men unless it is absolutely necessary. It is a genetic thing I think because his father was the same and ended up in a psychiatric institution before he died. I absolutely love him to pieces and we mostly have a wonderful life however, there are times when I wonder why I put myself through the misery he causes. I have been on meds for depression for about 12 years, since we had a big blow up. He has accused me many times, not of cheating but of paying too much attention to someone else or planning to cheat. I have to be very careful if my daughters boyfriends are at the house that we are not alone, in fact it can be exhausting worrying all the time if I am doing the right thing. I have thought of talking to his Dr who is quite approachable, because I can see the pain and confusion in his eyes. I know it stems from the insecurity he had as a child and I feel that it is fixable. The last thing I would do is leave. I have been concentrating on myself with behaviour therapy, hoping I can learn to deal with the situation a little better. When we do have a fight it sends me into a spiralling depression that takes days to recover from. He then apologises because he knows he has caused it. It's like one half of him is fighting the other half. I now am running my own business so I have to stay focused and it seems to keep me going. Before I had the business I would spend days in bed not able to do much at all.
He is very shy, hates crowds and lots of people. I am outgoing, friendly, and find it easy to talk to people. He doesn't. I have never cheated, or even thought about it. All I want is a peaceful life, for him to love me as I love him, to trust me as I trust him. I know he is terrified of losing me and that is what drives this paranoia. What are your thoughts?