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Ok My Partner Had To Lay Out Of Work Due To His Wife Having A Baby,
I Called Over 10 Different People To Help Me For A Few Days And No One Could. So I Told My Wife That I Was Goin To Have To My Other Friend She Didnt Like. For Those Who Dont Know The First Part Of This Story, I Have A Friend, Best Friend Really For The Last 6 Years Or So That Helps Me Trim Houses, Shes Actually Good At It, But When I Got Married My Wife Has Pitched A Fit.
So Back To Now...
She Helped Me The Whole Week Gettin Stuff Done. Alot More Productive Than Just Myself. Of Course I Heard It Everyday When I Got Home. I Want Get Into Details Of That. Anyway She Couldnt Understand Why I Still Had Her Work With Me When It Upset Her Some Much. Was This Wrong To Do? I Have A Business To Run. And From The Start Of Us Dating , She Knew I Had A Friend That Was A Girl That Helped Me From Time To Time,
Well Needless To Say The Last Day We Worked My Wife Sent A Letter To My Neigbors Husband, Saying She Was Tired Of Me Taking Care Of His Wife Since He Couldnt, No More Talkin On The Phone, We Were Not To Be Seen Talking Outside, My Daughter Cant Go Play With Her Kids.
She Now Has Access To My Phone Records To Keep A Check On Us.
Now Also Keep In Mind There Has Never , Ever Been Anything Between Me And My Friend, Ever. But As It Stands Now We Dont Talk Anymore , When Were Outside We Avoid Each Other Cause Of What Will Be Said About Us Talking.
I Dont Keep Alot Of Friends , Just A Few And I Hate Losing One. Especially For Reasons That Arent True.
So My Problem Right Now Is Im Just Mad I Guess , Everytime We Get Backed Up Im Thinking It Be Nice To Be Able To Call Her But Its Not Worth It.
I Can Pay Her 10 An Hour And Get More Out Of Her Than Most Guys Ive Used.
I Know Most Are Thinking Well Shes Your Wife And She Comes First, But Its Also My Business, And A Best Friend That Ive Had For 15yrs And 7 Years,
Wife Only 1 1/2 Yrs.
I can see the predicament you were in. But..... you knew how your wife felt about this woman. If you called 10 people and no one could help then call 10 more.
Your wife must feel pretty strongly about this otherwise, she would NOT have sent a letter to the other's husband. Otherwise, she would not have restricted play time with your daughter and the other's kids.
For whatever reason, your wife doesn't not feel secure when it comes to you and this woman. You may have, inadvertantly, made her feel like she comes second with you.
It doesn't matter that you have known the friend longer - you made a commitment to the woman you are married to.
If this was reversed - she had a male friend that you just did not like because you felt in your heart that something more is going on and your wife continued to have a relationship with him. How would you feel?
I Was With My First Wife For I Guess 8yrs, And 5yrs Before That We Were Best Friends, She Ended Up Cheatin On Me, After That, Ive Not Dated Anyone Whom I Couldnt Walk Away From If I Had To.
So If She Had A Friend Like That And Was Upfront With Me, Then That Would Be Fine, Im Comfident In My Self That She Wouldnt Cheat, Im Just Not Jealous As I Might Have Once Been
So My Problem Right Now Is Im Just Mad I Guess , Everytime We Get Backed Up Im Thinking It Be Nice To Be Able To Call Her But Its Not Worth It.
I Can Pay Her 10 An Hour And Get More Out Of Her Than Most Guys Ive Used.
I Know Most Are Thinking Well Shes Your Wife And She Comes First, But Its Also My Business, And A Best Friend That Ive Had For 15yrs And 7 Years,
Wife Only 1 1/2 Yrs.
It sounds like you are just using that as an excuse to keep seeing/working with your "friend". If you invested the same amount of time properly training and finding a competant male worker as you do making use of this womans time then you would have a male worker that meets your professional expectations.
You marriage partner is suppose to be the most important woman in your life (aside from a mother and/or daughter). You have shown her that she isn't. So can you really blame her for being angry and upset when you completely disregard her needs (and yes it is a need) in favor of another woman. You have put your wife into a defensive position where she feels the needs to compete for you. Maybe you like that or secretly want that, who knows. The reality is that if you valued your marriage and your wifes feelings you would accommodate her needs. In turn she would most likely try in other ways to accommodate your needs or show you that she respects you again.
I Was With My First Wife For I Guess 8yrs, And 5yrs Before That We Were Best Friends, She Ended Up Cheatin On Me, After That, Ive Not Dated Anyone Whom I Couldnt Walk Away From If I Had To.
Once bitten, twice shy? I fully understand. BUT... that statement right there tells me that you were hurt by your first wife and that you will not allow yourself to fully let go as to protect yourself from that hurt you have experienced in the past. So, when you dated your wife and the married her - was it in the back of your head that you could walk way at any time? If so, no wonder she feels second. You are not letting her in completely. She is paying for another woman's sins. You have built a wall around your heart therefore, not giving 100% of it to your wife.
I Wasnt Plannin On Gettin Married, I Had Just Gotten Out Of My Divorce And Had Dated A Few People, When One Of Which I Had Been With For Maybe 6months Got Pregnant, I Felt Like I Had No Choice But To Marry Her. So I Did
Let Me Add Im Not Blammin Anyone Else, I Got Myself Into This, I Just Cant Help But Think That There Was Someone I Was Meant To Be With, I Just Didnt Think It Was This Girl, It Just Happened So Fast,
I bet your wife picks up on this - it almost sounds like resentment. Or she may know that you only married her because of the pregnancy. That would leave alot of people insecure.
Bottom line, if you aren't prepared to walk away from your marriage - then you need to give 110% to it. If that requires counseling - then go. I promise you that if you put the effort in to it - you will reap a reward.
Your marriage does need workin on as she should be comfortable with your business decisions. She may need to talk to someone about trust, insecurity and jealousy, as I think her calling your friends husband, and preventing kids from playing is to far over the edge.
You made a commitment to your wife and she made one to you. There has to be mutual trust in a relationship and obviously there is not. I think she stepped way over the line with that letter. I can understand her jealousy to a certain degree but if she doesn't like your choice of employees then tell her to come to work for you and you'll pay her. She doesn't trust you so you both need to work on fixing that.
if you could only be as commited to your wife as your are to your friend the marriage may come to you easier. Sometimes we have to grow up and learn to deal with change. You can not always have things just they way you want them, if you did you wouldn't be happy that way either. Life is about change and compromise. Everything happens for a reason. You sound like you are afraid of letting go of this friend because she is the only female that you have been able to keep happy. Maybe thats because you are so dedicated to your friendship with her. Try that in your marriage. Nothing is life worth having is easy to get. you have to work at it. I say leave the friend alone and respect your wife's wishes for now. The friend should have already gotten out of the picture if she knew that it was causing problems in your relationship. It seems like there is more to your story.
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