My split is really affecting me....

JoeCanada76 · Sep 1, 2006, 07:50 AM

I would just like to say that, a lot of people now a days take the easy way out. Why did you take the easy way out? There is ups and downs. Periods of good times and bad times and as a couple you both needed to work together to work through it and you did not bother. You did it to yourself. I am not judging you just stating the facts. You put yourself through this and now you are going to have to deal with your decisions. So you are doing the right thing by keeping the lines of communications open with your ex wife.

Joe

rockne · Sep 1, 2006, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

I would just like to say that, a lot of people now a days take the easy way out. Why did you take the easy way out? There is ups and downs. Periods of good times and bad times and as a couple you both needed to work together to work through it and you did not bother. You did it to yourself. I am not judging you just stating the facts. You put yourself through this and now you are going to have to deal with your decisions. So you are doing the right thing by keeping the lines of communications open with your ex wife.

Joe

We were married for a year, went to counselling for 8 months; we definitely didn't give up and take the easy way out.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 1, 2006, 10:05 AM

Yes, you did. You said you initiated the divorce. You are just unhappy. You do not even give any valid reasons for divorce.

Joe

rockne · Sep 1, 2006, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Yes, you did. You said you initiated the divorce. You are just unhappy. You do not even give any valid reasons for divorce.

Joe

I see where your coming from, but it's hard to put into words. I was simply extremely unhappy and couldn't figure out why. I was OK when I was with my friends and family? She was unhappy as well.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 1, 2006, 10:58 AM

I am glad you understand where I am coming from. Marriage is a serious commitement and that means going through everything with your partner all the ups and all the downs and working through things. Maybe it is commitement phobia because you said it did not start until you were married. I am not trying to sound nasty, I am just letting you know the way I see things from my end just reading your story. I hope you appreciate my opinion.

Joe

s_cianci · Sep 1, 2006, 03:52 PM

Often it takes a while for things to really "sink in" after a traumatic loss. Like with the death of a close family member. Sure, a lot of tears may be shed at the funeral, but as I'm sure you know, the real grieving takes place after the funeral and all of the "hub-bub" surrounding it has died down (no pun intended lol.) It sounds like you're experiencing a similar phenomenon. At this point I'd just advise you to "ride out the storm." Know that it'll take a while to get over things but you'll be all the better off once you do. If your physical symptoms seem to persist or worsen you may want to talk with your doctor about a possible temporary regimen of low-dose anti-anxiety medication. Just be very careful, however, as dependance and subsequent "rebound" effects can occur and you don't want to fall into that trap.

valinors_sorrow · Sep 1, 2006, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockne

We were married for a year, went to counselling for 8 months; we definitely didn't give up and take the easy way out.

My first marriage was exactly like that, and it took me a long time to regain my ability to be in a serious relationship. There were other mitigating factors in it that slowed my recovery but all relationship failure takes an amazing toll on people. Be easy with yourself and let the grieving process happen.

rockne · Sep 3, 2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

My first marriage was exactly like that, and it took me a long time to regain my ability to be in a serious relationship. There were other mitigating factors in it that slowed my recovery but all relationship failure takes an amazing toll on people. Be easy with yourself and let the grieving process happen.

I can't figure out whether what I'm feeling is because I'm grieving, or because I realize what I lost and want it back. I don't know the difference. I speak to her every day or so (don't really see her much) and about half of the time she's positive and the other half she's not. She keeps saying "Your treating me great now but how do I know you won't switch back". I don't have an answer for that.

valinors_sorrow · Sep 3, 2006, 03:07 PM

Until you have some answers for the unhappiness you felt and to whether you'll switch back to, I presume, treating her poorly... You can't really consider yourself a candidate for a reconciliation, frankly. Someone here once said that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Remind yourself when you think you are wanting it back that THAT means you want to be unhappy, really. Otherwise you are doing a good job at lying to yourself.

To be sure, you are experiencing grief. I would not make any major decisions for a while, like a year. People are really that fragile afterwards. If you cannot see yourself alone for a year, then that may be part of the problem and that is a whole other topic.

rockne · Sep 3, 2006, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Until you have some answers for the unhappiness you felt and to whether you'll switch back to, I presume, treating her poorly... You can't really consider yourself a candidate for a reconciliation, frankly. Someone here once said that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Remind yourself when you think you are wanting it back that THAT means you want to be unhappy, really. Otherwise you are doing a good job at lying to yourself.

To be sure, you are experiencing grief. I would not make any major decisions for a while, like a year. People are really that fragile afterwards. If you cannot see yourself alone for a year, then that may be part of the problem and that is a whole other topic.

I definitely don't want to be unhappy anymore.

Tonight she said she has lost a lot of her feelings for me because for several months I was distant and not loving (but still nice, respectful, etc....); she thought I didn't care about her. I really don't know what I could do to show her that's not true. I've recognized my mistakes and have been treating her like a queen for the past several weeks. It may just be too late, I'm not sure what I could do for her to gain those feelings back.

My split is really affecting me....

Add your answer here.

Check out some similar questions!