Need my space

This really isn't your issue to solve, and change, but that of your husband.

I think as a whole they need to work on this. Of course her husband does and I agree with that. But I think she should stop and think about how it looks from the outside. That's all. Having friendships off the opposite gender can be a tough one sometimes.

I again, need to ask, how is this the Husbands issue to deal with?

A better question would be, Why is this issue "Rob" is having any business of bab1957's?

Wow, talk about blaming the victim for being a victim.

No matter what, the OP has brought a third party into the matrimonial mix. Somehow this third party is so important that the OP would label and vilify her very own Husband over her own poor behavior.

And somehow the Husband needs to deal with it?

I don't see anyone as a victim. I see it as something blown out of proportion and now it has to be put back in to place but with the right pieces.

Because he is the one with the issue.
Rob has nothing to do with this, as be it a male or female his reactions would be the same.
Her husband is hardly a victim, his fear and insecurities need some adjustments.
Again, its the husband who feel threatened for no reason, as I see it. Friends are friends, the problem is basically is he controls her friends for no apparent reasons, and accuses instead of getting facts, and working on his own issues.

When one partner isolates, and controls another, that's a form of abuse, and breeds resentments. When fear, and insecurity, lead to any form of manipulation, through impulsive thoughts, or actions, that's another form of abuse, and the first thing that happens is a breakdown of honest, healthy expression, and losing the communications necessary, to have trust. Its down hill after that.

The worst thing is when you feed that insecurity, and fear, by giving in to it, it gets worse over time, not better.

Just me, introducing new friends into the marriage is both healthy, and meaningful, as my female friends, are family friends, and so it is with her male friends. Some were married, some are not. The key is how you deal with them, as friends, or as rivals, or threats. I think her husband is threatened, and needs to do whatever it takes to overcome his fears, and insecurities, to make healthier decisions, and better actions for himself, so he doesn't have to be a victim, or think he is.

If Rob's intention is not to hurt your husband, then he should understand that your relationship with him IS causing your husband pain. An emotional affair can be as, if not more, hurtful than a physical affair. I agree that the husband is the victim here. Your attention should be focussed on your husband & marriage.

Not so say that you shouldn't have friends outside of the marriage, but one so close with a member of the opposite sex will always be suspect. You are giving Rob a shoulder to lean on, and to your husband, he sees you as giving yourself to Rob. I still think that your husband and relaitonship with him is more important than your relationship to Rob and helping him deal with his issues. If he were really a stand-up guy, Rob wouldn't be latching onto a married woman for his problems...

^^You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 1800proof again.

Well stated.

The Marriage and the parties involved within are the ONLY thing that counts....the random chance meeting of a Tile layer....well that speaks for itself....

This was, and is, what leads me to believe that your husband needs an attitude adjustment. He is the one losing his trust for you, and building things in his head that affect his judgment. He doesn't trust this Rob guy, and its diminishing his trust for you.

There is no emotional cheating among friends, who live within the boundaries of good behavior, but as long as that's what he sees, that's what must be dealt with.

I'm sure your friend will understand if you backed away for a while, and worked with your husband, to restore trust, or at least resolve his issues.

Him acting as a victim, is really unacceptable, and unhealthy for the relationship.

The key is honest communications, and even though you have tried to acquiesce to his wishes, he is still not satisfied.

Without help, though, he may never get it to your satisfaction. But don't give up.

I see no reason why you can't go "fishing" or whatever females call their breaks, and think of how to best help your husband avoid his insanity, in an honorable way.

I absolutely agree that backing off for a while is the reasonable solution.

Surely if Rob is such a good friend then he will be happy to offer this support to the OP, since she has supported him so much in the past.

If Rob does not want to hurt the OP's husband (or the OP) then he has to take a back seat for awhile.

Are you sure?

What if you were available? Would you then go to Rob?

That's the question. If the answer is yes, then you need to re-think this "friendship" for the sake of your marriage.

I know what I'm talking about, trust me. I'm not judging, I'm seeing me in this story.