Is it reasonable to want to take a couple days away from your husband? We have been married 23 years, and have spent most of that time with each other. The only times we have had apart is years ago when he went to Alaska to visit his brother, and when he was in he National Guard when he did his training once a month, and then yearly 2 week training.
We have been having marital, difficulty's, and I just feel the need to have some time to myself. To give myself breathing room.
If you want to keep your marriage, I suggest counseling. Maybe he will listen there.
I don't think you would still have a marriage if you "went away" as things stand right now, it probably would just confirm to him that you want to be with the other man.
However, I wonder if you really want to stay married to a "green prickly husband" who dictates who your friends are. By the way, does he know about that nickname?
In the way I see it, your doomed for an affair if it hasnt started already. You need to get away? Does this other man know your "getting away" Starting a friendship with another man is never good. Just as starting a friendship with another woman, if your a husband, is never good. There is nothing good about it. If you need space then take it with your girlfriends or alone. Be sure you taking your space for you, not to be with someone else.
you're having an emotional affair with Rob. it's no wonder your husband is feeling insecure. i know it feels exciting to be with Rob, but it isn't right. you're committed to your husband, not Rob. my personal oppinion is that you should be holding back from Rob and giving to your husband instead... maybe your hubby is "green" & "prickly" because you've already given to Rob what you should be giving to your spouse. work on what you already have with your husband... the natural hormones that are there when you first fall in love may no longer be there with your husband, but you can still love him. what was the last loving thing you have done for him?
I do agree with bab1957, that our partners should not be able to control our movements or dictate our friendships. In principle.
The situation she describes is in fact not about Rob. It is about trust and connection. For whatever reason the husband feels insecure and jealous of the friendship because it clearly provides her with something that he can't give. This happens in relationships, we can't expect our partner to fill all our needs - that's why we have friends. No one would be upset if 'Rob' was 'Roberta', if you get what I mean. Rob is really a symbol for the disconnection between the partners.
The fact that Rob is a man changes the dynamic entirely and introduces the element of distrust. He is seen as a potential threat to the relationship, regardless of how innocent or innocuous the friendship may seem to be. Yes, bab1957, is entitled to have whatever friendships she pleases in principle, but are they allowed to threaten the relationship and disrupt the trust in her marriage?
I do think, bab1957, that you need to put some energy back into your marriage. By all means have a short break but don't make it a way of punishing your husband for his behavior. If your marriage is important to you then perhaps Rob has to stay in the sidelines for a while.
I would suggest that you drag your husband, kicking and screaming, to a counselor. All marriages can benefit at one stage or another from an external perspective, and I think that yours has reached that stage now. A counselor will allow both your views to be heard and hopefully you can reach an agreeable compromise on this issue and reestablish trust.
Why hasnt the question been raised about her husband meeting this other guy? If he is so wonderful to hang out with why not introduce them so there is no question where each stands? Why not let him hang out at functions as a female friend would? Why does it all seem so secret?
Why hasnt the question been raised about her husband meeting this other guy? If he is so wonderful to hang out with why not introduce them so there is no question where each stands? Why not let him hang out at functions as a female friend would? Why does it all seem so secret?
You would have to read her other question about her husband feeling like a third wheel.
They know each other. They have been at the same parties, etc.
But does the "situation" make him feel like the third wheel. Thats my thought. I do remember her thread I did read it. But maybe some simple changes could be made like letting them engage in conversation. Let them set the tone and conversation so there is no out cast feeling.
Let me say this. I love my husband more than anything, and when it comes to divorce, I hadn't planned on getting one now or in the future. Im not throwing 23 years of marriage out the window.
Another thing, were I wanted to go was to my cousins condo on the peninsula. by myself. Tho my mother said she would come with me if I wanted.
I haven't held anything back from my husband, emotionally or sexually. and I have done plenty of loving things for him lately and over the years.
Its interesting how people are so willing to assume the worst about my friendship.
My friend has been through allot. First an ugly divorce, and then when he did find someone who he hoped to spend the rest of his life with, she called off the engagement. He was devastated. He was so in love with her.
Thats why Rob would never hurt my husband by having an affair. He has been through it twice. My wish for Rob is that one day he finds someone who will make him truly happy.(sorry folks, thats not me).
Let me say this. I love my husband more than anything, and when it comes to divorce, I hadn't planned on getting one now or in the future. Im not throwing 23 years of marriage out the window.
Another thing, were I wanted to go was to my cousins condo on the peninsula. by myself. Tho my mother said she would come with me if I wanted.
I haven't held anything back from my husband, emotionally or sexually. and I have done plenty of loving things for him lately and over the years.
Its interesting how people are so willing to assume the worst about my friendship.
My friend has been through allot. First an ugly divorce, and then when he did find someone who he hoped to spend the rest of his life with, she called off the engagement. He was devastated. He was so in love with her.
Thats why Rob would never hurt my husband by having an affair. He has been through it twice. My wish for Rob is that one day he finds someone who will make him truly happy.(sorry folks, thats not me).
I am truly happy to hear this. But the bits and pieces you gave us and the two different threads, well it just sounded like thats where you were headed. I think if you step back and read this from anothers view you might see that.
Taking a little space is a wonderful idea. But it wont solve anything. It just will prolong it. Had you said where you were going and alone I personally would not have assumed an affair.
Maybe while your gone your husband and him can get to know each other. How about a golf game. Then there is no third wheel feeling. Or does your husband know any single women looking for a good man? Why not bring them together this way.
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