Hello everyone, i'm on the verge of a divorce and i want to be sure i'm doing the right thing. I'm 24 and i got married when i was 18, the marriage was as a result of my husband looking desprately for a wife. i was not ready for marriage but he convinced me that he was going to take care of me. We courted for 6 months and i assumed i feel in love. He used the sweetest words ever and made me feel like a queen, he gave me everything i desired so far he had it. We lived apart for 3 years though we saw each other after every 3 months. After 3 years i had a daugther. After 5 years my marriage started taking another dimension, my husband constantly communicates with girls and get emotionally involved with them though i'm not sure if he ever got sexually involved. This did not bother me as such and we talked about it and he promised never to hurt me. However the real pain came, my younger sister came to spend the holiday with us and he became too emotionally involved with her, he never took his eyes off her, he told her how much he loves her and proclaimed so many things that he had told me to win me in the past. He signs into dating websites and gets himself involved with young girls, he selects his looking for a girl for marriage?? he's known to be a blatant liar by everyone who knows him well including my self. his life is all about lies....i dont know what to do because he was my first love ...i'm in pains, i cry everyday, i feel all so alone....i want a divorce but i'm confused...

Northwind_Dagas

Perhaps some marriage counseling would be in order before you decide on a divorce.

You said it did not bother you so much that he was 'emotionally involved' with other girls, but it clearly does. It seems that by having that conversion, you gave him permission to do this. Have you talked recently about this? Does he know he's upsetting you?

Anitalove

thank you for the reply...i never told him it didnt bother me, i controlled my feelings though i made him understand it hurts me to the marrow and he know it but he's not willing to stop...becuase he continues even if i cry my eyes and heart out after an incidence. He's not responsive to how i feel, he never listens cos he does it all over again. He is a very proud man and feel no body is wiser than he is.. He would never go to a marrige counsellor

Northwind_Dagas

I'm am very sorry to hear that. If he knows he's hurting you, then he doesn't care for you. No one deserves to be delibertly hurt, so it may very well be time to leave him. Probably better for your daughter that this is happening when she's 3 versus later.

simpl2me

First loves are hard but not an ending area...If he is doing all that then he diserves to be alone and maybe that is what he needs. Cause he knows he has u at home and he is taking it for granted in my eyes. No one should have to put up with it, no matter what. If he so wants to get emotionally involved then tell him that aparently u have nothing to give me and leave and if he really loves u then he will quit. If not then get the divorce cause u and ur daughter shouldn't have to be grown up around that bs. Altermadins are not a good thing but they serve there purpose to get true answers sometimes.

Anitalove

I feel very happy hearing your opinions, it's the first time i've ever open my feelings. I cried all day today and i want to stop and move on. i intend to leave with my daughter once he's away. he really needs to think about his approach to love and marriage. He says i scrutinize him, yes i know but i come out with painful facts that would endanger my marriage and love in the future. if i investigate and i find nothing then i'm a fool and guilty but it's all justified. he wants to have a life apart from me and his daugther and i would give him what he wants cos i'm broken and i feel no sense of love anymore.

simpl2me

go with ur gut never secound guess urself...and good luck and god be with u in all that u decide to do.

veronica1

The first time are hard and you should'nt gotten married at age 18 years old.You should find a guy who will love you for who you are.Look my uncle and my new aunt are getting marrid his 32 and she's 30.If you still love him then go for it have a secound chance.Best of luck.and may all your wishes come true.

bizygurl

It is what it is, he is disrespecting your marriage. If this is something that he can't help but do, such as get involved with these woman then he shouldn't be married to you or anyone else. He obviously cant stay faithful even if he isn't sleeping with these woman he is still is getting involved with them "emotionally" and in some ways thats worse because its not just about sex its something deeper. Sweetie, you don't deserve this treatment. Even if at first you honestly didn't mind it sounds like his behavior is spiralling out of control. If he doesn't respond to you when your crying your eyes out then it sounds as if he has left this marriage emotionally.
Maybe its best that you leave for a little while and see what happens. Maybe he will realize how important you are and maybe he wont. MAYBE you will realize that there is someone else better for you and not want to continue the marriage. But in any case for your sanity maybe you should at least take a "break" from the situation then your mind can be clear to make a better decision. Good luck to you

ordinaryguy

He's sick and needs help, but probably not from you. The best help you can give him (and yourself and your daughter) is to leave him. I doubt if it will wake him up, but it might. Even if he started right now, it sounds like he has a very long road to travel before he could be trusted. Either way, you'll be out of the situation and able to start healing.