[nothing_left]

I've tried explaining my feelings to friends and they say that I am making up excuses and I can't explain the way that I feel but I would never wish this kind of life on anyone even if I hated them. I don't understand what I have done to deserve my life... no matter what I do, it is wrong, last night I made a mistake, but now it is exploded. Everyone makes mistakes but mine always seem so much worse. I even have people telling me now that I am pretty much useless. My 'friend' said about 5 min ago that I am making life difficult for myself and that I fun away from my problems... no one understands that I am just asking for help. My life is unbareable but I don't know what to do. I have lost passion for everything in my life, and I don't know what to do. I've been to doctors and specialists... I've been switched from one antidepressant to the next, but nothing makes me feel any better. This is my life... and its killing me. I have always been afraid of physical pain... and I don't want to hurt my family... but I actually want to die. I have tried to kill myself... many times before... but it was years ago... I could never go through with it. I feel like I am out of options...

Right now my best friend is mad at me, my dad left us in October, I'm moving in 2 weeks, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months... I just keep on making mistakes, but not only can I not forgive myself... but no one else does either.

I have been struggleing with depression since grade 7, I am now in grade 12... I am 17 and I can't find any inspiration to motivate myself to live. Then when I write or say things like this I feel like people are just going to assume that I am begging for attention. I say that I need help, but I don't know what to expect. I want things to be better, or at least me not feel this way... but can I actually force myself to care enough? I guess I'm just lost... I don't know what to do... I really can't deal with this anymore and I really don't know what to do...

[J_9]

Hun, have you seen a therapist? If not, I suggest you do so.

I understand the meds that you are on, although you did not mention which antipsychotic you are on, and you must understand that finding the right mix of medications is purely trial and error. It can take many months and many meds to find just the right combination for you.

If you are seeing a therapist, please talk to him/her about the feelings you have posted here.

[Bluerose]

You don't need me to tell you that you are seriously depressed. But you don't have to be. Your friend could be correct and you could actually be hindering instead of helping yourself.

I have been there. I know that one of the hardest things to do when you feel really bad is take other people's advice. But unless you actually enjoy being this miserable, that is what you must do.

If you are on meds make sure you are taking them. And remember most meds for depression take time to work, anything up to three weeks. Take them and stick with them, give them a chance.

If you don't comply then I'm with your friend and you are just making things worse for yourself.

Take control of your life! Refuse to put up with this crap. It doesn't have to be like this and you are not alone... Just read some of the posts around here and you will see that you are not alone.

[nothing_left]

I have seen a therapist... but they always ask about feelings but I can not explain them... and it always comes to an end... I just do not know what to say to them... I have seen a few different ones, but the result is always the same... nothing...
I have been on affexor for I think about a year, and I was on celexa for about a year also... I just started the others a few days ago... so I do not know how they will help... but thanks...

[Auttajasi]

Keep trying the different meds. It's like a food recipe. Only the right ingredients will produce the desired results.
You are, however, in a good position, because you have the strength to see and continue seeing a therapist. Keep going.
You say that everyone makes mistakes, but yours just seem to be much worse. My guess is that yours (as bad as you may think they are) are not as bad as you think. Don't be so hard on yourself. Mistakes are part of life and are necessary for a happy life.

As a former 12th grader, I understand the pressures that you are going through. I look back on my high school days, and realize that everybody spends WAY too much time trying to impress everybody else. We spend so little time doing things that truly make us happy. This is why a lot of kids experience depression in hs.

Spend some time finding out what makes you happy. This is important. Once you figure it out. Do not compromise for anything. You will find the motivation to live. You just have to look in the right place.
The reason why people give up, is because it is so easy to do. Stick with it and you will find happiness and passion in your life.

[Auttajasi]

You mentioned that you just started taking new meds a few days ago. Now I understand why you are posting on this site. There is a trial period which takes some time to get used to. Give it 3 weeks to a month for you to start feeling better.

[robertsqueen]

Do you have major mood swings, one minute you are happy the next you feel like your world is falling apart? Well you might be bipolar. I would talk to your doctor about your symptoms and ask if you are bipolar. If you need to talk I am here. I was depressed just like you when I was younger... I know what it feels like to feel like you are nothing.. but sweetie you are something. You are speacial and beautiful.

[nothing_left]

Its pretty bad that just reading those tears me apart... I'm not bipolar... if I could have a few seconds of the 'mania' I think it would be more happiness than I have the capability of feeling... the last time I was purely happy I just cried because I had not felt that feeling in so long... and it was so nice... that was almost 5 years ago now... I just want to be able to accept myself. It can't just be me thinking that my mistakes are big... because I honestly do not think that they are... it is a few friends of mine who I have been pouring my heart and soul out to to try and have them forgive me who say that I am such a bad person... I see it as a part of life... but it seems like no matter what I do... they have to make me feel guilty... they are my only real friends... but they make me feel like... it kills me to judge myself... but also have people who are supposed yo care about me do the same thing... then use my weaknesses against me... I have no where else to turn

[Bluerose]

Oh, sweetie. Get some new friends. No one has the right to make you feel this bad about yourself. If you want to keep them around then refuse to put up with all those negative comments. Tell them you are working to sort things out and you could do without all the negativity.

As for getting nothing out of it with the therapist. This takes time too. And you may well come to the end of your therapy still feeling like you got nothing out of it... And then one day it just hits you... You feel better in yourself and all the pieces of the puzzle just seem to drop into place.

Stop beating yourself up. Go along with the therapy and be prepared to listen as well as talk. Go at your own pace. Just let it happen. Go with the flow and take some of the pressure off yourself.