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martin mcevoy · Feb 9, 2007, 09:22 AM

My Nane is Martin I'm 35 years old and have a 26 year old girlfriend, recently I came clean as I couldn't live myself and told her I had been unfaithful a few months ago that I was very sorry for doing so, but had to be honest. She was very upset and went to stay with friends where she is now 3 weeks later. During our relationship I accused her of being unfaithful as her manor when we would go out was very flitatious with other men. To the point of going on holiday with her friend and showing me pictures of blokes she'd hang out with till the early hours of the morning.

She has started coming round too see me again and say's she's still want to see me but won't give me her friends address. She will kiss me but will not let me see her naked or touch her in a sexual manor what so ever.

She comes in a out of my flat took get things and now she has told me she want's to move out and in with a 2 blokes she knows. One of which I know really likes her. I said I would be happy for her to have space and time but not to move in with this fella.

What should I do? Do you think she's distancing herself to move out properly? Why won't she let me be with her, when she's happy to be in bed with me, but then disappears somewhere else the next day to her friend. I feel she's playing games with my head. Could she be already with someone else and this is why she won't be Sexually active with me? She say's she wants to start all over again and move out. We've been living together for 2 years I'm worried as I'd like to settle down move forwards not backwards. What do you think?

Please help?!

Nosnosna · Feb 9, 2007, 09:28 AM

"Honest but unfaithful" is a contradiction. You may have been honest about being unfaithful, but that doesn't make you honest.

You screwed up. From the sounds of it, she was probably screwing up too. That's not exactly a strong basis for a quality relationship going forward.

Cut bait, figure yourself out, and try not sleeping around in the future. Oh, and don't put up with the girl sleeping around either. You're just setting yourself up for more trouble.

Synnen · Feb 9, 2007, 09:34 AM

Flirtatious doesn't mean cheating.

I flirt with everyone under the sun. That's just the way I am. Accusing her of cheating just because she's a flirt and THEN cheating on HER means that YOU have the problem.

Try to have a little more trust in relationships going forward.

Oh... and yeah, give up on the girl. She's already moved on.

Nosnosna · Feb 9, 2007, 09:36 AM

Oh, I flirt with everyone too. But going on vacation without the person you're dating, and hanging out with members of the opposite sex (and bragging about it) until the wee hours of the morning? Yeah, that's a pretty good sign to me that either she's cheating, or she's pretending to cheat to make him jealous. Neither of which should be put up with, really.

Edit: It's possible that we're not getting a good indication of what actually happened with that. Yes, she could have just been honest about the whole thing, and nothing happened, and she was just showing him a group of people she met... but I don't think so. When you're being accused of cheating, you don't show pictures of a bunch of people and say "See, I met all these people and didn't sleep with ANY of them!" Now, accusing someone who flirts of cheating... that's just plain out of line.

Synnen · Feb 9, 2007, 09:52 AM

OR

She went on vacation with a friend (probably female) and had a good time. She met some guys that they were hanging out with, and told her boyfriend about them so that he knew what was going on, and so that he didn't have to wonder.

Cheaters tend to project their cheating tendencies onto their partners.

While it's possible that she cheated on him, it's not a "fact" of the situation. The facts are that he doesn't like his ex flirting, he cheated on her, she moved out and didn't give him forwarding information, and she is now moving in with someone else.

He should consider this relationship over, look for a less flirtatious girl in the future, and NOT cheat on his partners. Or, if he does cheat, realize that confessing it is probably going to end his relationship.

talaniman · Feb 9, 2007, 11:01 AM

I hope you learned that you can't accuse someone of something and then turn around and do it yourself. I don't know if its really over, but she will be mad and evil for a while. And even though you are dead wrong is still no reason to be used and walked over. Tell her to get all her stuff, and leave her alone period as their will be no talking until the emotion has gone down. Until you can honestly communicate being apart is a compromise that allows you both to think.