[joan jackson]

My husband is a terrific guy, most of the time. However, there is one issue that I am not able to get my hands around. My husband has extended over the fence conversations with the next door neighbor who is a single, female parent. While I don't mind my husband conversing with neighbors, I do mind that he completely abandons any immediate plans that we have made, for instance eating dinner, to never ending conversations with this neighbor. When I expressed to him that I do not like being put on the back burner while he extends his time to this neighbor, he clams up and won't speak for days. Neither will he discuss my concern.

The last time it happened, I called him on his cell and told him that I would run the errand, since he was in conversation.

I don't want to jump ignorant and get in both of their faces, I just want him to understand that I don't like the way he is disrespecting me without getting into a fight.

What I do believe is that he just don't get it. He cannot understand what he is doing wrong and therefore, I MUST be the one with the problem. And furthermore, what decent woman would spend so much time talking to someone else's husband, right in front of their house.

HELP.

[plonak]

That seems like an odd situation.. there is a question you should ask yourself.. what is it that this woman is giving him that he is apparnetly craving and not getting at home?

It doesn't seem to me that he just wants a friend. Because frankly he can do very well with his guy friends

In my opinion their friendship is not right.. I mean seriously, what could HE have in common with a single mother female? It's just strange

I suggest you sit him down and talk to him. Ask him to be honest and ask him why he feels the need to be friends with her. Ask him if he feels like you're not giving him enough attention

Also, tell him that it makes you very uncomfortable that he talks to her and that he makes it so secretive.. what is he hiding?

Be honest with him, tell him it looks like he's having an affair with this girl..

Communication is really the only answer.. also I suggest you both go to some counseling to try and figure out what's going on, on a deeper level.. good luck

[talaniman]

Have you spoken to her at all, as you're her neighbor too?

If you have voiced your displeasure, and he refuses to acknowledge it. Then back off, and let him run his own errands, and get his own dinner, and wash his own draws.

If he gives you the silent treatment, give it back, as a response to his bad behavior, ignoring his concerns is needed.

This is equal to someone sleeping on the couch, which is what would happen in my house if I had done what your husband is doing, and not addressed her concerns, through actions or communications. My wife simply would not stand for it, and neither should you.

So what else is going on in your house, as I seriously doubt his ignoring you just started, despite him being such a good guy.

[KBC]

While I don't see stopping the talking because he did as a very productive way to address this,I suppose it can be effective,in a passive way.

I am one who believes the more up front about your feelings,the more you reach the conclusion of the issues.

If you have a set boundary which he can't cross,clearly stated as unacceptable behavior,he has no reason to clam up,that would send the guilty police right to the top.

Setting this boundary is for you to decide,how much conversation s too much? How many conversations are appropriate until you feel your personal comfort is compromised.

Take a look at this site:

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

It will help to assist you in making up you mind as to how far is too far.

Hope this helps,

KBC