[JudyKayTee]

Honestly I would say financially stable or not there's always public aid willing to help you. I'm 7 months pregnant right now and my boyfriend and i's relationship isn't going so well but I know that i'll be ok regardless of if i'm with my boyfriend or not. and trust me it will not ruin your son's life if you divorce him. i have divorced parents and i turned out just fine. just because your parents aren't in love doesn't mean they don't love you. And besides you shouldn't be with someone who blames you for their weight. they weigh what they weigh because of their eating and lifestyle habits and if they wanted to lose weight then they would. It sounds to me he's just mentally abusing you and that's not healthy for you. Wether you love him or not you shouldn't have to put yourself through that.

I don't get the impression from your other posts that this is how you feel.

Did you work out the other problems?

[talaniman]

Ladyangler, if you have to be miserable, and go through all those changes, you need to leave, and save yourself the money, time, and hassle of being secretive, and devious.

[ladyangler]

You see, I take my marriage vowels and my faith seriously. For better or worse, I made those vowels before God and my family. We also have a wonderful 2yr old son. So it is complicated, but that's marriage. My husband is not a bad person. He is human and has fault just like everyone else. He is also hard headed. I am not really trying to defend him, just giving you the whole truth. He's a man.. who doesn't want to take out the trash, but wants to set in his recliner, etc. you get the picture. God knows that I am not the perfect wife/woman. Marriage is hard work, but sometimes you have to give 150% for a bit and things will work out. I am a optimist. :) I talked to him this last weekend. I got the same explanation and we argued/fussed (not a big blow up arguement) We do argue like everyone else not all the time. I did some checking out on our computer and I believe he is back to porn or chatting online. I truly figure it is porn. That's his thing, so I asked him point blank and of coarse he denined it. I found a website that he had googled and it has chatting, all sorts including adult & porn... I know my husband... it's porn. Now that I finally found that I do NOT think he is actually cheating with another woman. Will he admit it... NO-I will have to prove it to him and go from there. I am just trying to be patient and believe this will all work out.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

He may not have physically cheated yet but he is betraying himself, the marriage & you. Standing strong in your faith & for your marriage means you can not allow the contamination & damage being done to all of you & your marriage to be swept under the rug.

And he is not in a place to be able to honest about that yet. Sadly, he may never be but making it easy for him to keep doing what he is & ignoring the very real & very serious issues in your marriage will not make them go away but the opposite, they will become even worse.

You will not be able to handle this on your own, he's not listening to you at all and/or doesn't care that you have basically a sexless marriage with little or no physical or emotional intimacy in it. There is no way that will get better without BOTH of you making the needed efforts & you don't have that.

Have you followed Matthew 18:15-18 with him yet? If not, that's an important first step. Then setting up an appt with a professional would be the next one, let him know when it is & tell him that the future of your marriage depends on his at least taking that step with you.

Before picking a counselor, I suggest you read this article:

William Doherty: How Therapy Can be Hazardous to Your Marital Health

Here is are great support groups that can also help you at this trying time:

www.dividedheart.com

www.survivinginfidelity.com

www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com

[JudyKayTee]

Only you know whether it's in your best interest at this time to go or to stay - I would never recommend either to anyone.

Nothing is forever -

My experience has been once you are considering having someone followed it is too late - no matter what happens one of the parties in the marriage is going to be very, very unhappy.

But, again, only you know what is in your heart.

I have a cousin in exactly this same position. She is my cousin and I love her and the best I can do is listen - and keep my mouth shut!

[ladyangler]

Thanks. I read Matt 18:15-18. I agree, but I know my husband it would only make matters worse. Really verses 1 Cor 7:3-5 also go along with my problem. Please know that I am not going to push this aside and forget about it. I have to "pick my fight" as they say, and be able to back myself up on the argument... which is will most likely be a fight. I dread it really, but I know that I don't have a choice on the matter either. I have to have some solid backing, before I start the battle with him on this... just to get him to admit anything. It may take awhile to get the backing, but I am still planning on confronting him with my evidence and bible verses. Last straw will be kicking him out... I will do it if I have too. Then I will have to deal with his parents on it... NOT good... but if I have no choice- I will have too. His parents are very religious and they will butt in if I kick him out.. not a pretty scernio. Thanks again everyone.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

It is a very tuff situation to be in, especially with such a long history & child to take into consideration.

You are absolutely right that it is a 1 Cor 3 7:3-5 issue too. It's so sad when you see someone you love self sabotaging & being so hurtful like that. And you are also right about "picking your fight. You know this problem didn't start overnite & it can't be solved overnite either. It takes time to figure things out & get a good gameplan for yourself in place that will give you the best odds of success, whether that is with or without him.

Your H is resistant to change because what he's doing is working for him at least well enough even if it's just him being happy being unhappy & it's just hard for people to make changes even when they know it's necessary for their own good.

It's a process & a difficult one to acknowledge things that we don't want to & do something about it. At least you are acknowledging there is something wrong that needs to be addressed & are taking the steps you need to in order to be able to improve your life & that of your child, you can definitely do many things to accomplish that. Hopefully your H will see what is at stake & join you in making those needed changes together.

You don't need him to admit to anything at this point about whether he's cheated, what he's doing that you do have proof of is that he is nurturing a disconnect that is hurting all of you & one that cannot continue as it is a barrier to a good healthy marriage for both of you. You both need to be fighting FOR the marriage instead of each other. Even getting to that point is a challenge but well worth it.

A good book for you to read is Steering Clear, it will help you understand his thinking process at this point:

Amazon.com: Steering Clear: Avoiding the Slippery Slope to Moral Failure: Earl Wilson: Books

[mikedem7]

Have you considered that he might be gay?

[jambourrie]

It is sad that the guy calls himself a man, but lies to people's faces. It is even more sad that the guy calls himself a man and lies in the face of his own wife about things as trivial as porn. His behaviour sounds pretty consistent, lying, denying the truth, lying some more - and he is being constantly forgiven for it, and will continue to be, because he knows exactly how you feel about marriage and your vows. He does not want help. He doesn't even want to acknowledge any sort of problem (and if he does, Im sure it is "your" problem that he acknowledges and criticizes).

The way I see it, the decision isn't a hard one - stay with someone who does not respect you, and does NOT have the same feelings for you, as you have for them, or leave because you realise you and your son are not deserving of that.

Lying to your wife is disrespectful and hurtful - which means it is abusive. Treating the mother of your son in such a way is the absolute worst thing you can do. That, sadly, is not being a good father. That, sadly, is showing your son that you really don't HAVE to treat your wife with respect, allay her fears, or just plain take care of her needs (emotional or whatever).

People these days sure are committed to this - for whatever reason, and it is sad. It turns children into adults who are SO good at lying and cheating and continuing the cycle of abuse. "If my Daddy does it, Why can't I???"

[div2wice]

I have been through this. I too was in denial. I did not want to believe it, or I kept telling myself it was all in my head. He would call me saying he'd be late, he was at a friends house, yet I'd hear women's voices in the background or whispering in his ear. He started keeping "protection" in his truck that seemed to lower in number day after day. He didn't want to be with me at all and used every excuse in the book. I found love letters from a woman he said he wanted nothing to do with, that she had a crush on him, etc, etc. He was a pathological liar, every time I asked him something he'd come up with a lie on the fly and it was good... it was always believable.

You know what is happening. You are in denial as I was. Don't waste anymore time, don't continue to put yourself through this. He clearly is cheating, based on what you told us. You need to separate. His lies should show you something. Him not wanting to be with you, using every excuse in the book, etc.

You know what is going on, you just need to make the decision and stick behind it.

Good luck

[Sasha40]

If he were cheating on you with another woman he wouldn't be watching porn, he would be having sex instead.
I would be more concerned that he doesn't want to have sez with you!
Maybe you should go away together for a romantic weekend without your toddler, that way you could see each other in different light sort of speak. Sometimes you need a change of environment and to break out of routine! Try it, you never know might work. Good Luck!