[first_sur]

I am married for 8 years but no kids. From the very beginning our relationship has not been so good, fights then patch up so average. We shifted abroad 2 years back, for last year my hubby has developed friendship with one of her female colleague who is married has kids but she has a bad relationship so her hubby and kids not living with her , she is trying to get her kids from his hubby . Initially we all were friends then I found her to be interfering a lot in my life so I told my hubby and her to keep away, she agreed but then my hubby went back to her and were friends again. We had a fight at this but she asked my hubby to take a stand against my wish. I kept quite, now they talk, meet, roam , shop together in my absence and not letting me know(I am not sure if he goes to her house as she lives alone but I have seen them roaming and shopping few times).
She is a confident lady with good sense of humour however I am a shy and quiet person.
My hubby also is very social likes to gossip and talk a lot which he does with his friends but somehow doesn’t like sharing his office talks with me or introduce me to his friends otherwise he is a nice person and cares for me but when it comes to his relationship with his female friend he is always on her side and never obeys me, he says I am too possessive , he needs some easy time after work with his friends and he cannot spend all the time with me as how much can two of us talk when I am a quiet person
For me I have no friends , relative so my only survival point is him so I can't think of living away from him but can't tolerate his relationship. What should I do , at times I think I am wrong as he may be true I don’t have any friends that doesn’t mean he too can't have any friends, I tell him he can talk to as many others I don’t object but not her , his answer is she is his best friend and he has a good rapport with her which he can't develop with others so one by one he is cutting off with all others except her.
I don’t know her intentions as she is quite attached to her kids and trying best to bring them to her, maybe she is all alone here so she also finds comfortable with my hubby
May be they both r right and I am wrong, how can I come over this situation can someone suggest some good relationship books or some online readings where I can read some motivating things as all this depress me a lot

[talaniman]

If you have no kids then I assume you have a career or interests outside the home, am I correct?

[first_sur]

Yes I am working full time but I am not a busy person at work so I keep thinking of my relationship all the time, maybe the problem is I have plenty of spare time which I want my hunny to devote to me , ihave joined gym also to kill some of my time there where I have some hello /hi friends only not close ones

[Ash123]

I think you have played a part by not socializing much and having no friends.
It sounds dysfunctional to me. But, just because you are socially awkward but that doesn't mean you have to suffer with your husband.

He is basically having an emotional (hopefully not more) affair.
If you go out more and force yourself to socialize more I hope he joins you.
Otherwise, this doesn't sound healthy for either of you.

But it's time to move.

Are you in reasonably good shape?
Do you speak with both your parents?
What do you do for a living?
What does he do?
Have you felt abandoned with him or in earlier life before?

[talaniman]

I think you have too much free time on your hands, but also, since there are no children, it would seem you both should be spending some quality time together. As for this female that is different as I have no objections to friends of the opposite sex, and see that you have very few friends, I see where there can be some resentment or jealousy, so its important that you be happy in your own life, and not project concern where there should be none. Do you really think there is a basis for your resentment of this female, do you see her as a threat? You need to tell him you need more attention, I think you deserve that. Your married not dating.

[rubz]

Hi
Why don't you take a holiday together somewhere. Maybe you need a break from all of
This. Both of you need to spice things up between your relationship. Maybe he migh relise that he doesn't need the others company as he can talk to you. Have some fun in your relationship. More you enjoy each others company more time you spend together. And try and make friends if he see's you enjoying and spending time with others hel know exactly how you feel. Maybe it will do the trick. Good luck.

Ps if that doesn't work then I think you really need to ask yourself are you happy in this situation and talk to him. Its not fair on you to suffer like this and for him to give someone else more important then you. You will end up depressed and things can be worse

[lovinthetrail]

Take some time with him to share your feelings, without getting emotional. You should deeply think about what is acceptable to you in terms of his having friends of opposite sex, then write it down and share it with him at this time. You two are married. That means take care of each other, put each other first before all else except God... He is not taking care of you. Why don't you ask him gently and matter of factly if there are ways that you could take better care of him. Ask him what his idea of marriage is, and share your idea with him.tell him what you need, and what your expectation was in marrying him in the first place. Have pen and paper to document so he sees you are serious. YOU both deserve total fidelity again, I URGE YOU TO DO THIS WITH AS LITTLE EMOTION AS POSSIBLE because men hate watching us cry, hate hearing us yell and whine. You will get better results like this. Now if he is completely disregarding your feelings and expectations even after you share all this with him, then there is no respect for you, and he does not care enough to change. Make him prove how much he cares with his actions after you do this. Also, you probably need to open yourself up to other things in life than him a little bit. You want to be interesting to him, don't you? Do you like gardening, or have another hobby like running or volunteer work where you can make friends with neighbors and like minded people? Instead of obsessing over him, get interested in other things. Learn to enjoy your life, and your relationship. If you want to be a wonderful wife, the Lord will guide you in your efforts... you need only ask. As for your husband, you can not change him, his has to want to care. I would not worry about her intentions, as the only intentions that matter here are his.