[manda101809]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. I just had to break up with him, not because I loved him but because he was an alcoholic, and dragging me down with him.

I really loved him and for a while he was sober and I had never been so proud in my life. But within the past two months he got a new job and started gradually drinking again, to the point to where he would lie to me about going out.

I guess I don't really have a question, just looking for support really. I feel so horribly bad for the choices he's made... he could have it all, but instead he chose a different path, and I guess I just wasn't worth it to him...

[Jake2008]

I am sorry that you are feeling such a loss, out of a situation that could have turned out so differently.

Try to think of this as a choice he made, for his own reasons. I don't know anybody who has ever conquered an alcohol problem of another person. It is his, and only his, to conquer. Many men and women spend years trying to fight the bottle and win their partner back. It really is so true that until the person drinking deals with the negative consequences to his own life, will change come about. Maybe for him, the losses are not yet great enough to get him moving in a new direction.

We all know that drinking behaviour causes grief to all those who love the drinker. We see the job losses, the effects on children, the enabling behaviour to keep the peace, etc. But truly this is his demon, not yours.

Many can also say, "but he's such a great guy when he's not drinking", and that keeps us going, and 'helping' and making ultimatums and we begin to trust again, only to be devastated when the behaviour starts up again. You are not alone.

I suggest you seek out help yourself, in order to ease up on the guilt and the loss you are suffering now. Drug and Alcohol Counsellors also help and assist with loved ones, as does Alanon. Seek out help if only to regain your confidence, and get your thinking straight about what control you have, and have not, over another person's choices. It is important to come to a clear understanding, so that you are prepared not to fall into this same type of relationship, again.

All the best of luck to you.

[talaniman]

Sad as this is don't take it as a reflection on you. Its not, its all him and the battle within himself and a battle only he can fight.

It's a very good decision to let him fight it alone, and I hope losing you motivates him to fight to win. Just know you can't help him by being there.

It would also help if you gained knowledge of what he is up against, so the powerful demons he fight won't manipulate you into letting YOUR guard down.

ALANON has that kind of information.

Good luck, and prayers.

[ljubljanan]

Don't blame yourself or think you weren't worth it to him, his problem with booze has nothing to do with you
Just be happy for the good times and forgive everything else and move on

[deeKbee]

I have been around alcoholics all my life. My mother was the first in my life. I took care of her from age 8 unil she passed away when I was 23. She drank the entire time. Very heart breaking. Then when I was 28 I got involved with a man who was an alcoholic. For thirteen years he promised to quit. I believed him for thirteen years. He proposed to me while he was in jail for a second offense DUI. I married him because I loved him. Then when he was in jail for a third offense DUI I had a heart attack. I was 39 years old. The stress was too much. Now that I have made it to 57 years of age I am still dealing with an alcoholic. A relationship that's lasted 2 1/2 years. He's in jail today because of a violation of probabtion for a DUI. I have made the decision to stop supporting him.

They were all wonderful people when they were sober. Not so much when they were not. Trust me on this---it is NOT worth it. There is too much heartache. Too much chaos. Don't live your life tangled up with someone who may never be able to stop drinking. I'm sure he is a good person,but he is an addict and it's his addiction not yours. Please don't get trapped in it for years and years. It will only hurt you more. Move on to a better life and look for a sober relible person to love and spend your time with. Wishing you the best.