Should I leave my husband

teachermama3 · Apr 12, 2007, 11:59 PM

I have tried to get him to change for years. I have begged, pleaded, tried everything. He makes promises but doesn't keep them . When he sees that I have one foot out the door, he will straighten up a bit. But things always go right back to being the way they were.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 13, 2007, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

First question is there any documentation, any reports and any pictures of these assaults on you?

Look up local community programs and also look up women's shelters in the area. Get up and out with your kids and make sure the police know you are trying to leave a very long standing abusive situation but your husband keeps threatning you with the kids.

File reports, get restraining orders, get to a women shelter and get the ball rolling for a better future you and your children without this abusive person.

Joe

Re read this and stop making excuses for your husband.

NowWhat · Apr 13, 2007, 07:39 AM

The question you have to ask yourself is this - Is this the example I want to set for my kids? Your kids learn what they live. You and your husband are showing your kids this is what a marriage looks like. Do you want that?
Do you want your sons to be abusive? Or your daughters to get abused?
You aren't doing them a favor by staying. You are NOT being Selfish. Believe me!

And don't listen to the threat of you not getting custody. Money does not make a parent. He is bullying you - intimidating you to get the result he wants.
Walk away knowing that you are doing the BEST THING FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN!

motherload · Apr 13, 2007, 08:48 AM

Abuse of any kind emotional or pyhsical is not needed get out while you still can the children will realise one day that you did what was best fro you and for them because when the children grow up you might not have it in you to walk away then. Just my thought's
Any man that abuses a women doesn't deserve her and should be casterated emotional abuse is far more worse because that sticks with you psyhical abuse will go away

J_9 · Apr 13, 2007, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachermama3

I have tried to get him to change for years. I have begged, pleaded, tried everything. He makes promises but doesn't keep them . When he sees that I have one foot out the door, he will straighten up a bit. But things always go right back to being the way they were.

This is the cycle of abuse. Unfortunately it will not stop, but only escillate. He has done this to you, he is also abusing your children by making them live in this environment. For what little self-esteem you have, and for the mental health of your children it is imperative that you get out.

Go to a shelter. Many shelters provide counseling and therapy for the women and the children. Please do this, if not for yourself, but save your children from going through this in their adult lives.

Rockabilly1955mama · Apr 13, 2007, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anayden

LISTEN TO ME FOR GOD'S SAKE! The pain of being physically abused goes away, but him keep telling you that you are worthless and ugly and stuff will stick with you. You start believing it yourself and you don't want your kids to see that. You need to think about you first, yes you love your kids, yes they will be heart broken, and yes they may even be bitter for a while but when they grow up to understand what their father has done to you they won't adore him as much. The love for a child's mother is WAY greater than for a father in my opinion. Especially if you have a little girl. Do you want her to grow up thinking that it is ok for a man to beat on her or threaten her or verbally abuse her? I bet you would want to kill his @$$ if you knew that he did. And if you have sons, would you want their girlfriend or wife to come to you with a black eye and say that your sons almost killed them? That would hurt you, although it isn't your kid that is being hit, but knowing that your son did it would hurt, and deeply. If you start not caring, which you probably already have or I'm pretty sure will do if you stay with him, you children will see that and won't think highly of themselves. You need to do what is best for you and although he may "make money" you are going to college and you have a part time job so you are pulling your weight 85 times over! Don't listen to his dumb a**, for God's sake, please don't. You are special and beautiful in every way and if he treats you like that HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! AND YOU REMEMBER THAT! NO MAN IS WORTH IT! NO MAN! You could loose your sanity and then your kids will probably NEVER see you again and I know that would break your heart. The judge usually sides with the mom anyway, unless there is cause to think the kid is in danger. And from what I have read you love your kids and that is ALL THAT MATTERS! Especially in abuse situations, the judge will definitely side with you. I would break all his dam teeth for you if I could. You should have put him in jail a long time ago! NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE THAT WILL won't MAKE YOU CRY!

Everything I was going to say!

iminlove · Apr 13, 2007, 11:27 AM

My sister was in a similar situation- she waited until he was screaming at her one night and called the cops, and they asked her if she wanted husband out and she said yes. Then she had to file a restraining order. SO it was easier to get HIM out - than for her to move 3 young kids out to a shelter. Not sure this would work for you but thought I would add it .
God bless.
Feel free to message me

NidaK · Apr 13, 2007, 11:28 AM

It really depends on what you choose in life. If its the children's happiness that matters then you can stick on staying, if its your happiness, then leave. On the contrary, if you think the children will be ok without you, then no problem, leave him.

J_9 · Apr 13, 2007, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NidaK

It really depends on what you choose in life. If its the children's happiness that matters then you can stick on staying,

Although I doubt the children are happy seeing and hearing their mother abused. They are most likely scared of daddy except to his face.

So, if it is the children's happiness you are concerned about, you should get out.

miz_jay504 · Apr 13, 2007, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachermama3

I don't know what to do. My husband and I have been married for ten years. It has been rocky from the very beginning. In the past, whenever we would get into an argument, he would become physically violent. A couple of years ago, he bit a plug out of my hand, and it required medical treatment. I left him for that, but I ended up coming back. I have been really unhappy with the relationship since then. He has not been physically violent with me since then, but he talks down to me all the time. He says horrible things to me. I am a full time college student, I substitute teach part time , and I homeschool our three children for 7 hours a day. Despite all of this, he tells me that I need to get off my lazy a** and get a job that brings in some real money. I have threatened to leave him if he doesn't start treating me better, and he says I can leave but he will end up with our children eventually because he makes all the money. Not only do I feel trapped, but I have begun to feel worthless and very depressed. I am just not the person I used to be. I know that I deserve to be loved, and treated with respect. If I leave my husband, then my children will be devastated. They adore their daddy. I don't want them to grow up in a broken home, but I don't know what to do. My question is this: If I leave my husband because I am so unhappy with him , does that mean I am selfish?/ I only want to do what is right for my children. I don't matter anymore. Please help.

Girl you need to leave his sorry !why on earth would you think your being selffish for leaving him. He's done nothing but bring you down from jump. You can do so much better than that. You can do bad by your self. And sounds to me like your already a strong women homeschooling and working at the same time. Honey if he doesn't no your worth than you find a man that does. That will treat you like the queen you are. That will hold you and uplift you instead of making you feel like crap. A man that will be there for you and say"baby I will take care of everything". There are men like that out there. And your kids are going to be fine because I'm sure they don't want there mother feeling like you are now. And as time goes by they will come to understand what they couldn't before. You leave him and you don't look back. Time heals ALL wounds. There will come a day when you can think about him and laugh. You go fine a REAL man. Because the little boy your with now isn't worth .

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