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Should I leave him?

Asked Oct 31, 2006, 08:04 AM — 34 Answers
I have been married for five years now. We have got 2 kids. My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with a very good friend of mine. He was still cheating on me while we got married with the same girl and asked me to keep our marriage secret. I later found out, he left the girl, I forgave him and we decided to work things out. It was good for a while and then after about 2 years he cheated on me again. I still forgave him, but since then things have been rough. We started having sexual problems and I can't just bring myself to have sex with him. It has been going on for about 3 years now and it made him to start being aggressive. He has beaten me up four times since then, the last being 3 weeks ago and has also cheated on me again in the course of it all. Generally, he is a real nice person and I guess he is just sort of frustrated with the whole sexual problems. I have decided this time around to leave him, but most of my friends and family are saying I am making a mistake and that we could still work things out (mainly because of the kids). But honestly speaking I do not think so because I am pretty sure I stopped loving him and I can't really find it in me to forgive him again for his latest transgression. I am feeling so frustrated right now mainly because of the children and if it is the right thing to do. I know they are going to suffer the most but I have really been unhappy for a very long time and I just need out. Please help me. I think sometimes it is good to listen to neutral people and get what they think.

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34 Answers
beanster's Avatar
beanster Posts: 71, Reputation: 21
Junior Member
  
#2

Oct 31, 2006, 08:12 AM
Let me see;he cheats,he violates you,he is abusive but he is a"nice person'?get him out of your life,pronto!It will not get better.Ask your family to help you or friends.Call a domestic abuse hotline!This sort of always gets worse.Do some research about it yourself!Type"domestic abuse"into google and read what comes up.
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Krs's Avatar
Krs Posts: 2,930, Reputation: 1678
Ultra Member
  
#3

Oct 31, 2006, 08:17 AM
After just reading your first sentence, I come to the conclusion that your husband doesn't respect you, he cheated on you with your friend.... Whilst you were pregnant..

Get out, start afresh. That's my advice.
But you should listen to your head and your heart... You know you deserve better.
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J_9's Avatar
J_9 Posts: 36,984, Reputation: 25630
Expert
  
#4

Oct 31, 2006, 08:50 AM


Quote:
Originally Posted by lolitta
I have been married for five years now. We have got 2 kids. My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with a very good friend of mine. He was still cheating on me while we got married with the same girl and asked me to keep our marriage secret. I later found out, he left the girl, I forgave him and we decided to work things out. It was good for a while and then after about 2 years he cheated on me again. I still forgave him, but since then things have been rough. We started having sexual problems and I can't just bring myself to have sex with him. It has been going on for about 3 years now and it made him to start being aggressive. He has beaten me up four times since then, the last being 3 weeks ago and has also cheated on me again in the course of it all. Generally, he is a real nice person and I guess he is just sort of frustrated with the whole sexual problems. I have decided this time around to leave him, but most of my friends and family are saying I am making a mistake and that we could still work things out (mainly because of the kids). But honestly speaking I do not think so because I am pretty sure I stopped loving him and I can't really find it in me to forgive him again for his latest transgression. I am feeling so frustrated right now mainly because of the children and if it is the right thing to do. I know they are going to suffer the most but I have really been unhappy for a very long time and I just need out. Please help me. I think sometimes it is good to listen to neutral people and get what they think.
In my opinion this man is a slug! He cheated on you while you were pregnant, he was cheating on you when you got married, he asked you to keep your marriage a secret? What the h3ll was that about?

He beats you and you think he is generally a nice person? I repeat, he is a slug.

You need to leave this slug. Take the children and go. Do not stay for the sake of the children because they will grow up thinking that this is the way relationships work. The boys, if you have any, will grow up to cheat, lie and beat up their women. The girls, if you have any, will grow up and think it is okay for their men to cheat on them and beat them up.

You and your husband are the role models of these children. Children learn by how they are raised.

Get a restraining order so that he cannot touch you again, put his things out, and change the locks. Then run, do not walk, to an attorney.
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ginibeni's Avatar
ginibeni Posts: 13, Reputation: 5
New Member
  
#5

Nov 3, 2006, 11:16 AM
Some say it gets worse before it gets better...but this doesn't sound like its going to have a happy ending if you stay...you're hurting yourself....if you are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired then you will move on....no one can tell you how to feel or what you should do...only when you are so sick and tired of being sick and tired and you feel like its cuttin off your air passage and it has risen up into your throat is when you're going to do something about it and you will not even think to ask for any opinions...only speaking from experience...people will always tell you what they think but if you are not ready you are not going to leave....just think of yourself and the kids...please do what's best for you guys and please don't let them see you getting done wrong believe me it lasts with them and I can pretty much garuantee you one of them will follow that path if you don't get them away from it...they do not need to think that what is happening is correct
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aqua@home's Avatar
aqua@home Posts: 604, Reputation: 542
Senior Member
  
#6

Nov 3, 2006, 12:34 PM
I can only suggest leaving. Unless the two of you are willing to go into intense counselling, I don't see any hope for you two. He has beat you up and there is no excuse for that. He has cheated and you have forgiven him, yet he continues to cheat. You are not happy, staying for the kids is not worth it.

Your kids will suffer far more if you stay than if you leave. Do not listen to your family and friends, they do not have to live with him. Your kids will be grateful in the end if you leave him. Do this for them, do this for YOU!

BTW...asking you to keep your marriage a secret is disgusting.
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DrJ's Avatar
DrJ Posts: 1,344, Reputation: 1758
Ultra Member
  
#7

Nov 3, 2006, 12:46 PM
"Honey, don't tell so-and-so that we got married... I don't want her to find out so I can continue cheating on you with her."

I can't fathom something like that actually going through someone's head!?!?!?!

Anyway, for that and ALL the other reasons you posted, I'm with EVERYONE else... Leave this lowlife piece of sh*t now!
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s_cianci's Avatar
s_cianci Posts: 5,481, Reputation: 4046
Über Member
  
#8

Nov 3, 2006, 05:46 PM
He's beaten you up four times and your family and friends say you're making a mistake?! RUN from this monster NOW and don't look back. Pack your things and go ; to a friend's house, to a relative's house, just anywhere he won't find you if he goes looking. Don't wast another second ; go now!
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s_cianci's Avatar
s_cianci Posts: 5,481, Reputation: 4046
Über Member
  
#9

Nov 3, 2006, 05:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
In my opinion this man is a slug! He cheated on you while you were pregnant, he was cheating on you when you got married, he asked you to keep your marriage a secret? What the h3ll was that about?

He beats you and you think he is generally a nice person? I repeat, he is a slug.

You need to leave this slug. Take the children and go. Do not stay for the sake of the children because they will grow up thinking that this is the way relationships work. The boys, if you have any, will grow up to cheat, lie and beat up their women. The girls, if you have any, will grow up and think it is okay for their men to cheat on them and beat them up.

You and your husband are the role models of these children. Children learn by how they are raised.

Get a restraining order so that he cannot touch you again, put his things out, and change the locks. Then run, do not walk, to an attorney.
Couldn't spread it J but this advice is even better than what I just said. DO you live in a state where a domestic violence complaint mandates an automatic arrest? If so, have him locked up, then while he's in the slam, don't bail him out but do as J says ; put his things out on the curb and change the locks.
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ritaknight's Avatar
ritaknight Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
New Member
  
#10

Nov 4, 2006, 07:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolitta
I have been married for five years now. We have got 2 kids. My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with a very good friend of mine. He was still cheating on me while we got married with the same girl and asked me to keep our marriage secret. I later found out, he left the girl, I forgave him and we decided to work things out. It was good for a while and then after about 2 years he cheated on me again. I still forgave him, but since then things have been rough. We started having sexual problems and I can't just bring myself to have sex with him. It has been going on for about 3 years now and it made him to start being aggressive. He has beaten me up four times since then, the last being 3 weeks ago and has also cheated on me again in the course of it all. Generally, he is a real nice person and I guess he is just sort of frustrated with the whole sexual problems. I have decided this time around to leave him, but most of my friends and family are saying I am making a mistake and that we could still work things out (mainly because of the kids). But honestly speaking I do not think so because I am pretty sure I stopped loving him and I can't really find it in me to forgive him again for his latest transgression. I am feeling so frustrated right now mainly because of the children and if it is the right thing to do. I know they are going to suffer the most but I have really been unhappy for a very long time and I just need out. Please help me. I think sometimes it is good to listen to neutral people and get what they think.
SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO MOVE ON. YOU DON'T NEED TO FEEL QUILTY FOR LEAVING BECAUSE YOU GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE AND THAT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS, AND HE BETRAYED YOU AGAIN. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO DESERVES YOUR LOVE AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER.
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