I have been married for five years now. we have got 2 kids. My husband cheated on me while i was pregnant with a very good friend of mine. he was still cheating on me while we got married with the same girl and asked me to keep our marriage secret. I later found out, he left the girl, i forgave him and we decided to work things out. It was good for a while and then after about 2 years he cheated on me again. I still forgave him, but since then things have been rough. we started having sexual problems and i cant just bring myself to have sex with him. It has been going on for about 3 years now and it made him to start being aggressive. He has beaten me up four times since then, the last being 3 weeks ago and has also cheated on me again in the course of it all. Generally, he is a real nice person and i guess he is just sort of frustrated with the whole sexual problems. I have decided this time around to leave him, but most of my friends and family are saying i am making a mistake and that we could still work things out (mainly because of the kids). But honestly speaking i do not think so because i am pretty sure i stopped loving him and i cant really find it in me to forgive him again for his latest transgression. I am feeling so frustrated right now mainly because of the children and if it is the right thing to do. I know they are going to suffer the most but i have really been unhappy for a very long time and i just need out. Please help me. I think sometimes it is good to listen to neutral people and get what they think.

fix-what-you-broke

yes your children might be unhappy for a while if you leave their dad, but think about the long run, they will be very unhappy to see their father beat their mother. and seeing something like that happen will scar them forever.
the thing about forgiving cheaters is you will forgive it so many times he will start to do it more as he has the excuse that all he has to do is say hes sorry and you will forgive him, why should he stop if you keep forgiving him? a wee slap on the wrist every now and then isnt going to make him stop, in the end he will lose so much respect for you it wont matter to him who he sleeps with, all that will matter is he can do it and get away with it.
ok....you have been together five years, he should be mature enough to understand the fact that you could not bring yourself to sleep with him after what he did, i know, i have been there, and i can tell you that the first time sleeping with a man that has cheated is hard, for me it was in my head what he did with her, did he kiss her, did he do it with her like he did it with me etc, he should understand that.
but on the other hand, and im not getting at you so please try to understand me...if you agreed to forgive him for the cheating the first time round, forgiving should mean just that, you cannot forgive him, then put a hold on sex..yes maybe for a while until you get used to it, but to deny him for all that time is wrong AFTER you have forgiven him.
again, after saying that, he has no right to hit you, ever. he should have told you that the lack of sex was a problem for him instead of using his fists.
leave him, there are better men out there who wont beat you or punish you for something they have done.

mlmez

I don't understand why you are confused? He committed adultery- breaking your wedding vows, betrays you again with a friend, physically hits you...and you are asking if you should stay for more of the same? I know you know the answer already. Have some respect for yourself. Don't let your children learn that this is normal behavior and grow up to do the same things to their families. You are a mother, and with that title comes responsibility. Look what you are doing to them! You have a responsibility to those children, it's time to step up to the plate and do the right thing. Get out.

Comming

yeah that's some BS he's some tohide th marriage yur suppose to be his queen not his sole girl email me I'll show u how 2 fx him lol

darodriguez1973

Do not go to counseling, do not listen to family members that say stay for the children. You are teaching the kids a very horrible lesson. If you do not leave you will end up severly injured or god forbid dead. then your kids will be left with that monster. If you have any love for your kids you will leave immediately. Dont worry about money bills or his feelings just leave. You also need some therapy to see why you allowed this to happen to you in the first place, because if you think about it he has never been good to you yet you stayed. Defend yourself by any means necessary if need be. HE NEVER LOVED YOU!!! so dont let him fool you now

yvette516

Get out as fast as you can. It looks like you know what the right thing to do is but you want some reassurance. yes, you are doing what's best. As far as the kids go, it will actually be better for them if you leave. This way they will see that it's not ok for women to get hit, it's not ok to cheat... They can still have a good relationship with the father as long as he makes an effort to stay connected to them. Get out now and start a new life with those beautiful children. You and the kids deserve better.