I have been married for five years now. we have got 2 kids. My husband cheated on me while i was pregnant with a very good friend of mine. he was still cheating on me while we got married with the same girl and asked me to keep our marriage secret. I later found out, he left the girl, i forgave him and we decided to work things out. It was good for a while and then after about 2 years he cheated on me again. I still forgave him, but since then things have been rough. we started having sexual problems and i cant just bring myself to have sex with him. It has been going on for about 3 years now and it made him to start being aggressive. He has beaten me up four times since then, the last being 3 weeks ago and has also cheated on me again in the course of it all. Generally, he is a real nice person and i guess he is just sort of frustrated with the whole sexual problems. I have decided this time around to leave him, but most of my friends and family are saying i am making a mistake and that we could still work things out (mainly because of the kids). But honestly speaking i do not think so because i am pretty sure i stopped loving him and i cant really find it in me to forgive him again for his latest transgression. I am feeling so frustrated right now mainly because of the children and if it is the right thing to do. I know they are going to suffer the most but i have really been unhappy for a very long time and i just need out. Please help me. I think sometimes it is good to listen to neutral people and get what they think.

kimmy_jacob

first of all....generally he is not a nice person if he treats you like this....It is NEVER ok to beat a women, and you saying that it is because he is frustrated witht he whole sexual problems is only making excuses for him...

I suggest that you leave him, but seeing as this has been going on for years, i dont see that happening...maybe try getting in touch with a abuse hotline, or looking into shelters where you can go?

I dont have much more to say , other then get out!! get out before his physical abuse/emotional abuse gets worse...

good luck

samsclub

If you do leave 1. make sure you take the children with you to a safe place, if you leave them with him you will be charged with abandoment 2. if you plan to divorce the next time he beats you call the police and get a report= it will more than likely get you sole custody- I did not file a report and my attorney told me at the time I could not claim he beat me it would just be "hear say". If I had a report as proof, it would of gone along way in divorce court. 3. if you do not leave and he beats you and some how CPS gets involved they might charge you with being an unfit mother because you did not take them out of an abusive environment and that you were not capable of making a good judgement to leave and save the children.

I know it is hard when a man cheats. It is even harder to try to have sex with him when he is being so gross with other women. If you do leave make sure you take some extra cash with you and take the kids.

Little Mama

First of all I agree with all these postings. You need to value yourself and your kids. I know at times, at night mostly, when I feel hurt with something that has happened between my husband and I.... I will ponder the door and think "what the hell is keeping me here"... and I remember that it's my kids. I don't need to leave because my husband will listen to me when the dust settles. He is not abusing me.

My sister went through a simular situation as you with one child in the picture. It took her a while to leave but with enough support and a moment where she was beaten so bad we thought she was in serious condition... she left. Never looked back.

You need to listen to your dying soul. Your husband is stirring the dust and watching you squirm. He is not a man... a man is to protect and cherish his wife (there is this type of man out there). He is not respecting you or you little ones. You have reason to leave... big time. Protect you kid's eyes, ears, hearts and souls. And don't forget you... I am proud of you and I know you can be strong.

If it makes you feel better... (certainly not to preach) the bible clearly says that a man and woman should stay married forever... thick and thin etc..... UNLESS one is sleeping around and being unfaithful. So release yourself... apparently if God thinks it's okay then who are you fooling or trying to please??? Please don't allow yourself to get beaten up to the point of no return... love yourself, you are a princess.

I would suggest having a plan to leave to a place that is safe... you never know what may happen if he gets really really angry if he knows you are threatening to leave and he sees some steps finally coming to fruition. This was the time my sister was hurt the worst. Get lots of support and back up support. You can do it, you are made woman, and we women are strong! Don't stand in our way, we are resourceful and clever and we can do anything.

Little Mama

Quote:

Originally Posted by samsclub If you do leave 1. make sure you take the children with you to a safe place, if you leave them with him you will be charged with abandoment 2. if you plan to divorce the next time he beats you call the police and get a report= it will more than likely get you sole custody- I did not file a report and my attorney told me at the time I could not claim he beat me it would just be "hear say". If I had a report as proof, it would of gone along way in divorce court. 3. if you do not leave and he beats you and some how CPS gets involved they might charge you with being an unfit mother because you did not take them out of an abusive environment and that you were not capable of making a good judgement to leave and save the children. I know it is hard when a man cheats. It is even harder to try to have sex with him when he is being so gross with other women. If you do leave make sure you take some extra cash with you and take the kids.

Do all these things.... lots of wisdom here!!!! My sister did not get full custody.

Reatha

You cant get anywhere looking over your shoulder Go and have agood life w/o this man!

BIM

Yes you need to leave this man now!!! The next time he beats you, you may not be around to leave and take the kids!!!! Then they will be stuck with that animal for the rest of their growing years. Think what that will do to them.

jaz-22

Leave Him Leave Him Leave Him Leave Him Leave Him Leave Him



Ps Leave Him!

Allheart

Through the eyes of your children, They see:

You ...being beaten. You being ....disrespected ....and the worst kind of role model, an extremely unhealthy man with many many issues.

It's time to call someone, shelters, domestic abuse hotline. It's time to take control of your life and your children's and change the things their eyes and minds are viewing. If you waiver and wonder if leaving is the right thing to do, take a second and look at your children and want better for them. Not only do you deserve so much better and do have a choice, your children are counting on you to make the right choice, the one that will keep the safest and in the healthiest of environments.

I know this must be scary, and there are probably more questions than answers, but take that step and be sure that when you are ready to leave that you have protection so that it is safely done. If that means calling the police and having them be there while he leaves or you and your children leave, than that is what it means.

I am sure the Domestic Abuse Agency in your local area would give you the best guidance on how to do all of this quickly and safely.

moonshine

I personally agree with Allheart above. If you are being mistreated to the extent of physical abuse it is something to be reported.

Unless you feel that it will further complicate issues for you.
But one this is for sure, get out of there girl.

Even if you and your family are worried about the children, sticking it out with an abusive husband will only make it worse on them.

I would have advised you to go in for couple therapy but from my judgement this has gone beyond the scope of reason.

Is it possible for you to have a conversation with him without it getting ugly? Can he handle a logical, non-threatening discussion? Can you talk to him about things like separation, logistics, children's future plans etc?

If you think he cannot handle it in a civilized manner, please call for help.

And if he hits you again, dial 911. please.

I just saw your later posts as well. I see you have spoken to your husand about separation and do seem to have a disadvantage with the children. I think a Women's helpline is a good idea and they'll be better advisors than any of us.

If it looks like there isn't much going in your favor, can you work out an arrangement with your husband? If not, while you are there, try getting a job or a qualification if you need it. You'll have to shift your focus to becoming emotionally and financially independent.

And while you do so, please pray for your own strength and wisdom and for the happiness of your family.

sliptthrucrack

Sweetie, you don't need a jerk like that!!! Get some help and get out now before it only gets worse. Like everyone here is telling you, believe me, it will get better once he is out of your life. As for the children, it will also be better for them before they get bitter by what they see and hear. Good luck and be careful.