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I'm torn. In 79 days I'm going to get married to a man that i have a mortgage with, business, pets, loans and other financial ties.
2 months ago, i was excited and counting down. However i recently went interstate for a close family friends birthday and met up with a guy i hadn't seen in 10 years. All grown up and handsome.
We clicked like nothing else. I love so many characteristics about him that my current fiancé doesn't hold, like fitness, health, religion and morals. And i cant get him off my mind. We've been in contact almost every day via text since then and a couple phone calls. He'd love to have a relationship with me to, and went as far as to ask me if id marry him in his local church if 'things don't work out' ...the scary thing is id love to.
My fiancé is wonderful, he looks after me and is affectionate but I'm scared that it isn't true love. i always envisioned true love to be amazing...yearning for him throughout the day, my heart skipping a beat when i finally saw him. It used to, but these things don't happen to me anymore. I'm scared I'm settling for being content rather than true, amazing love. And i don't want the what ifs if i go through with marrying him, i don't want to be thinking maybe the relationship with that other man could have been the real thing.
I'm only young to. I'm 21, I've got years to get married and settle. I'm feeling so many mixed emotions, doubt, worry, trapped, cornered, and yet excited just about the thought of me having the guts to leave the engagement and pursue this other relationship. But so many people would be hurt. When i say hurt, they would be utterly devastated. and i live in a small town, everyone would know and be talking about it...
Could some one please give me their advice, especially if some one has ever taken that enormous leap of faith in a similar situation, it would mean the world to me.
If this man is willing to potentially break up a marriage, what is there to say that he won't cheat on you?
I don't know about other people, but when someone is engaged to marry, they are OFF LiMITS. Period.
Have you talked to your fiancee about your feelings? About your apprehensions? You're getting cold feet. It happens.
Relationships are based upon communication. Without communication, trust, and honesty, there is no relationship.
I can't tell you to dump your fiancee OR to go through with it.... only you will know what's right, but I suggest that you sit down with your man and talk about this.
And if it was me, I'd cut ties with this guy that's trying to steal an engaged woman away from her fiancee.
If he's willing to try and steal you, he could be easily stolen away.
We clicked like nothing else. I love so many characterisitcs about him that my current fiance doesnt hold, like fitness, health, religion and morals. And i cant get him off my mind. We've been in contact almost every day via text since then and a couple phone calls. He'd love to have a relationship with me to, and went as far as to ask me if id marry him in his local church if 'things dont work out' ...the scary thing is id love to.
There will always be someone who has assets that your fiancée does not have.I am sure that your fiancée has assets that this friend does not possess.You never get a perfect person! We are all human,after all.
You never get married because if you did not so many people would be hurt and disappointed.NEVER!
Would you be willing to sacrifice your and your fiancées happiness for these people? I hope not. Everyone loses in that scenario.
If you were my best friend ,I would tell you to call it off.I understand cold feet but I think this is something more.
It sounds as if you were willing to settle and now you are not.
Do not cheat yourself or your fiancée by going into a marriage you do not feel in your heart. I can only say this again everyone loses in that scenario.
Sheesh, you're so young. You say it yourself, you've got ages to get married and settle.
I'd wait - hard as it may seem, I agree with the other posters, postpone the wedding.
Many people will be hurt, but if your affections are so easily swayed now, how will you be in 5 years time if a similar thing happens?
Just quietly, I don't think that you're really ready to marry or commit to anyone, and this is why you've got 'cold feet'. I'd also be very wary of someone that's courting you whilst knowing you're about to be married - he's not behaving with integrity and neither are you.
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I'm scared im settling for being content rather than true, amazing love.
True, amazing love is often a romantic fantasy - it certainly changes as time goes on. As you get older you will long for contentment with your partner, because you will understand how wonderful it can be.
I think that it is a given that you have to postpone the wedding indefinately.
With having so many ties to your fiance financially as well, you should be very careful how you handle this.
It's not a good idea to jump from one relationship to another, or one engagement to another engagement. You're going from the frying pan to the fire here, and you will likely end up feeling the same way about the new fellow after the bunny rabbit phase passes. And it will; all new relationships are magical, and falling in love is like a drug, but it does wear off.
You have the luxury of time to allow yourself the freedom to make a choice based on what you have decided is right for you. Not your family or friends or your fiance or your new friend.
Take some time to reflect on the committment you are making, and I think you will conclude that it is not meant to be, at least right now.
Also reflect on the fact that while the new fellow may be a breath of fresh air, he too is a man, and as such, you have to make very careful considerations before you get yourself entwined again.
You will have much, much more to untangle and repair if you do marry your fiance, and it doesn't work out. The same with the new man, it could also lead you to a path of uncertainty and doubt.
As far as your fiance goes, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
As to the new man, allow yourself time and space to deal with one problem at a time, before you jump into anything immediately. He should, the way you've described him, be more than willing to give you the time you need to figure out what you want to do.
I love so many characteristics about him that my current fiance doesnt hold, like fitness, health, religion and morals.
Thanks.
i can't help but laugh at this comment. The guy is going after another man's fiance, even going so far as proposing, And you seriously claim he has morals??
"The grass is greener on the other side because by staring at it all day you let the grass at your feet wither and die."
Cut all contact with this man and focus on your fiance. i agree that your not quite ready to get married.
You and your fiance have lost that new relationship buzz, its unfortunate but it happens in every relationship. It would be no different if you started a relationship with this other guy. And as others have said, there are always people that will have what your fiance doesn't, just as he has many things they won't.
i can't help but laugh at this comment. The guy is going after another man's fiance, even going so far as proposing, And you seriously claim he has morals??
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What if i did cut all contact with my fiance and years down the line im still kicking myself for not seing where things could have gone with this other man?
The fact that you need to ask us this question means that you're not ready.
Take some time to figure things out. before you make a decision. Until you are completely comfortable with marrying this man, you should wait.
I understand what your saying, but if i was ot approach my fiance and say 'i need time, can we postpone' he wouldnt be willing to do that. It would be a now or never situation. And as for time, i dont have it...i have 73 days to figure out what to do and i have no idea how to go about. Every one says i have to do whats best for me, do some soul searching, figure out what makes me happy not the peopel around my etc...but i cant answer those...i dont know what would make me happier i have no idea, because i dont know what the future holds. How are you meant to make that decision?!?!
Have you talked to your fiancee about your feelings? About your apprehensions? You're getting cold feet. It happens.
Relationships are based upon communication. Without communication, trust, and honesty, there is no relationship.
I can't tell you to dump your fiancee OR to go through with it.... only you will know what's right, but I suggest that you sit down with your man and talk about this.
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Im to scared tot alk to my fiance about it because of his reaction. I think he'll be really angry to hear i have doubts. And i dread the thought of him telling his family or freinds about it then they all looking down on me.
And i think iv mis lead you all. He isnt trying to steal me, he isnt whispering sweet nothings in my ears...he's made it clear he has feelings for me and would love to have a relationship with me but has refrained from further feelings/emotions because he doesnt want to influence my decision. He wants me to do what makes me happy and said he will support which ever decision i make. As much as what you all may think, he isnt 'stealing' me at all.
how do you know if its cold feet or a sudden realisation? what if its only just hit me how 'in concrete this is' not so much us as a couple, but if i stayed my life is planned out around him and some of his wants...id be working for our business, not any career paths i want, id have kids shortly (that doesntphase me to much, id love children) but id like to travel and he's made it clear he wants to stay in the same town for another 5 years min, and he'll travel after 10 years of working...its planned, there really isnt any give in this.
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