It is all too easy to have an affair, take your pick- there are many ways- sneak around, lie, carry this infidelity behind a wall of silence, day after day after day, and then, when caught, consider that it is somehow YOUR fault?
This is not your fault. You missed not picking up what was going down, because she chose to keep you in the dark, and did a very good job. You aren't a mind reader.
She could have done many things, such as:
- talked to you that she was feeling insecure, overwhelmed, depressed, unloved, etc.
- said that she wanted to go to counselling to figure out why she was so unhappy that she was considering an 'affair'
- ended the relationship with the other man
- read a few self-help books, done some research on consequences of having an affair
- examined her own priorities, and where her marriage fit in with having another man
I could go on and on but the point is, she had choices, and unless she was unconscious when she texted, she knew, and deliberately made a choice to cheat, knowing full well she had many options to stop herself.
Trust her again? That is up to you. If my husband had done that to me, he would be living in a hotel right now.