Hello,
In the last few years I've found many of my friends getting through nasty divorces and loosing everything. I've been married for about two years, don't have kids, and I don't think I want them. I think I love my wife, but sometimes I feel suffocated in the relationship. Should I just get divorce before getting deeper into having kids, etc?

liz28

You shouldn't have your marriage base on everyone else. All because their marriage didn't work it doesn't mean your won't last.

Marriage takes work and it only wil last if the two people in it wants it to last and is willing to put in the work for it to last.

You seem unsure about alot of things. You don't know if you want kids nor if you love your wife. How is everything going between you two? You only been married for two years and am thinking about leaving.

In life you never know what could happen but don't you want to stick around to see what could? I am getting married and I know plenty of people that get divorce but I also know that most of them got married for different reasons, other than love, and the relationship wasn't solid before they said "I do".

N0help4u

You can't base your relationship on what others do.
If you feel suffocated try and weigh why you feel that way
what you would be doing different if you weren't married and
is it all that important to you that you would give up your marriage.

and/or

Count your blessing and
communicate and discuss things with your wife
Work things out and put the spark back in your marriage.
Don't be a statistic for the divorce rate.

BlackVY

You think you love your wife??

Dude... be sure... Don't play with other people's lives and emotions...

It does take work... but u gotta decide if you want it to work or not... don't just jump ship coz ur scared... be sure of what you want... coz as far as I believe, marriage is forever, you made that choice... be 100% sure if u want a divorce or not... coz once u leave, there is no coming back... it just won't be the same... Good luck...

orlycst

First of all thanks for your answer,
Sure enough I can tell you I'm having problems with my wife but these problems come from a variety of issues. Case point, I just graduate after 13 years of long medical school. She would like to have kids (she's only 24) but I don't think she truly understand the responsibility of that, in fact, I believe she just want kids as a "solidification" of our relationship. At this point, I am wait too early on my career and my relationship with her to commit to do that but if she try to force it on me, divorce will be inevitable.

N0help4u

A. children do not solidify a relationship. There are MANY divorced single mothers.
B. divorcing because she wants children and you do not really is no reason to abandon the marriage.
C. I had FOUR kids and lived on less than $1,200. a month. It is not about how much you make but how you budget your money. Sure it is sacrifice but with your medical career it doesn't sound like having at least one kid would put too much of a financial cramp on you.
D. It seems like you are looking for outs instead of solutions so maybe it is inevidible that you will divorce no matter what so I agree with BlackVy it is not fair if you stay if you are not willing to work it out and make compromises. DO NOT have kids until you know you are over your doubts about being with her though.

I knew a guy that said he divorced because his wife wouldn't always have dinner ready at 2 a.m. when he got home from partying and she expected him to take the garbage out on garbage night. Pick your battles, compromise and don't look for outs if you hate it that bad just get out.

Jake2008

Having been married for 32 years (I know, I'm the odd one out here), I can say that doubts about everything are normal. Especially the decision to have or not have kids. Everything is a compromise, and will come in its own time.

It took us six years of debate before we went ahead and had children. Both of us had careers, and it is a huge decision. Maybe the biggest one you'll ever make.

I don't know too many couples who agree on everything. You are still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage, and it is far to early to be talking divorce!

Why base these thoughts and possible decisions about what might be ie the possible pressure to have kids, that you may not be ready for.

Marriage isn't a magic bullet that will guarantee problem-free lives. You can't avoid major conflicts. The key is solving them. To come up with a solution without first finding a way to solve problems and deal with them, isn't the way to go.

I agree that if there are problems that separate you emotionally and intellectually, and you have tried all possible methods of resolve (marriage counselling for one), then the very last resort would have to be divorce.

Try not to let these nagging doubts take over, and think long term. It may be difficult now, but may not be down the road a bit, once you two decide upon and agree upon, the major issues you mentioned.

I hope you find time to talk. To eachother, a professional, whatever it takes. If you try your best, and you know that you are convinced you've done all you can, then it's time to think of getting out.

KBC

This one brought an old idea back,when the woman purposely went without her birth control wanting kids,got the child and divorce shortly after.I would be cautious while dealing with the emotional needs of a women wanting kids,the mind might over ride sensibility,I know this has been an issue for others in the past.

N0help4u

I was thinking of that too. Some women do that but hopefully she realizes this would only make things worse.

KBC

You know upon further thought,this would be exactly the situation,If in her shoes she sees the newly graduated doctor and the want/need for children,those kid(s) would be well cared for even after a divorce as his income would be at the least above what the uneducated or lesser fortunate would be.

Again caution and discretion being strongly advised.