I'm really needing some thoughts, input, advice... anything on this decision I'm trying to make.

I have met this 20 year old girl from the Philippines and we really like each other. She says love, but I say we need to meet first. She agrees we need to meet. A good idea?

I'm a 26 year old from the US and we met on a sexcam site. Pretty embarrassing, but I joined and then saw her online that day and was just taken away by her beauty. On these sites you buy credits to take the girls into private shows where they do what you want.

Well I bought credits and took her into a private show and we just continued to chat. I came back the next day to talk more. For a few hours again. She gave me her yahoo messenger name after that.

Now we talk online every day. Sometimes quite a few hours at once. This is all while she is at work. No computer at home. We both have webcams and use them all the time to see each other. We have exchanged phone numbers, address and she tried to call me the other day. Expensive for her to call or txt, but I tried to call her back, which is what she asked, but my phone doesn't do international.

Ok, sorry this is wordy, I know. Since we met, her bday came, so i sent money for a cell phone, plus some extra. Then she bought two phones!? What ever. Now one is cracked and she gave to her sister, And the other is lost from something that happened on her birthday. Ill spare the details.

well, she really want another phone. This is kind of sounding like a scam to me. Anyways, She tells me about her medical problems and the high cost of meds, but never ask for money for that. She only wants a cheap 60 phone.

Think this is a legit thing? And, Ive met online on webcam, someone who is supposedly her best friend from 5 years old, also her older sister Ive met on webcam. Ive chatted to another friend w/o a cam.

This girl has told me stuff about how poor the family is. When she was young her house did not have a door she told me. She really hasnt asked for much and has told me soo much about herself. She says she is a virgin and is waiting for marriage. Possibly not the best thing to say to get a 26 year old to come visit you.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go meet this girl real soon. We joke about marraige and stuff like that. I really like her and she seems to love me. I'm thinking I'm going to take a month off and go rent an apartment in Angeles City. 20 minutes from her home. She says she will be at my side the whole time and wants to stay at the apartment. I think this apartment will be like luxury to her. We have plans to do many different things while I'm there. If i visit.

On the cam site, many times, I see her come in the next day in the same clothes as the day before and then she is changed after she gets there. Like she uses clothes provided by her job. She seems real legit to me. Am I being blinded by what seems to me could be love?

Also, While she is at work she hardly gets any customers, she basically ignores them while chatting to me. I try to get her to work harder and maybe show off her body some. She just keeps her clothes on while the other girls at the very least get down to panties and bra. U know?

Whats everyone feelings on this? A good idea to meet her? She seems amazing.

BTW, I choose the Marriage catagory because I've seen a Q on the Philippines here already and I really would like to marry this girl if she is what she says she is.

talaniman

Falling in love with someone who is on a sex site, is as dumb as it gets. Sorry young guy, but your being set up and used by a PRO, who knows exactly what to do.

boreanesia

[
I have been in your situation before. While I'm sure some of these girls are genuine, many are not. My advice is to be very very very careful! And never never never send money, no matter what sob story they throw at you. By sending her money, you'll be teaching her how easy it is to beg, rather than work.

Instead, meet her personally before you make any commitments. But even that in itself is no guarantee. So while you are not in the Philippines yourself, have someone in the Philippines you trust check her out. If you need someone, I can recommend someone I know in the Philippines. He used to check this girl out for me, and we even tried to help her mother start a small business so that she no longer needed to prostitute her own daughter. Unfortunately, the mother used our help just to build herself a house, rather than set up a business. I even tried to get her daughter through school. But my friend found out for me that she was not attending classes at all. The daughter is still webcam modeling to this day. She would rather webcam model than pursue an education. She used to be very open with me about what they do for a living. She has a cousin (a webcam model as well), who is already married and has a child, yet she would meet with her webcam clients personally, pretending to be a girlfriend, and even sleep with them to scam money out of them.

BE CAREFUL!

Cebuana_1978

I am a filipina married to an american now, i meet my husband in yahoo chat and we are chatting for almost 3 years before meeting in personal, he offered money before but i never accepted i only accept money from him if he is really my husband but people have different principle. The only thing i can suggest is don't send her money...meet her first, you will know part of her, mostly people in the philippines have cellphone even they are poor, try to spy on her if shes using it too much for texting coz if yes she might have other guys..After u visit her you can send money but not more than $100 just an allowance. It is okay to help but supporting the whole family is not good.

ylaira

Im a filipino, involved in an american (online too) for a year now.My BF has been flirting on-line for 10yrs before he met me and he said the same thing as you reallywondering. CFZD is right that we express our needs more indirectly because we balance expressing our need against pride but if you hear about lack of money and tearjerking living conditions which is mostly true, rather than helping herself to be better, the guy should start to doubt.

On the other hand, the girl will be lying if she'll pretend that she has something what she doesnt have, right? My Bf almost fell on his chair when I told him that I don't have a shower. I am not implying to him to send me money to install a shower! I just mentioned it because he asked whats our restroom like. I don't have fridge, i dont have microwave oven, and so? But when I talk to my BF it's not what I don't have that we talk MOST although he teases me that I live in prehistoric civilization. I tell him at least I can win the SURVIVOR show challenge.

chatuchac

I strongly suggest that you drop her. Right now, you are her milking cow. Sorry for being brutally frank. But I used to live in the Philippines and while there are lots of decent girls there, extreme poverty (and sometimes laziness) has degraded some individual's moral values and resort to get rich quick schemes. To help you evaluate and analyse the situation:

1. I agree with some of the comments - you met her on a sexcam site... most probably trained to say what you want to hear
2. She discusses her financial woes but not asking you for money - DUDE! She expects you to take the hint and send her money. Otherwise, why should she mention about her medical problems? It is what called "pagpaparinig"
3. So what if the phone is cracked - If she is really into you, she would keep the phone for the mere fact that it came from you a crack shouldn't matter... by giving the phone to her "sister" it means it can still be used... and by giving your gift to another person is already an indicator on how she values you and "your relationship". And dude, again, she is expecting you to take the hint that she wants a better model or more money
4. Research US history and Philippine History, while Angeles City (which is in Pampanga Province) has lots of local products for export, for quite a while, there has been a stigma of being a redlight district. Redlight district became alive when US bases were set there (it used to be the biggest in Asia, US bought the Philippines from Spain and was a colony during WW1)
5. If you still feel you are blinded with love (and not lust or pity towards her plight), consider this - won't it bother you to be used as a ticket out of poverty
5. If you still choose to visit, there is a Tiger Safari you might want to enjoy there.

reallywondering

OK sorry everyone. But I disagree with some of these comments.... um yeah, she is not trained on what to say. What things would a trained person say anyways? She does not act sexual... one time I asked a bit too many sex related type questions and she get nervous and creeped out about me visiting. That I would "hurt" her. She says she is a virgin, only for her husband. She does hint all the time about her lack of money. It basically never gets mentioned. Because I also hang out in her chat room where she works I can see her interactions with other guests. She says she hates her job, obviously, and she puts a low effort into the job on some days. If you look around the cam site, all the girls act like whores basically. They get private shows all day long. My gf, she got quite offended when I asked if she ever gets off during a show. Never never never she said. I think it is related to her being Catholic. ?

She only discusses he financial situation because I pry. It took me a while just to learn she has no running water at home, 2 room house with 9 people and things like that. I think it is a pride issue. She says she is just afraid I will leave her if I see her living situation. That I will back out.
We have only spoke of these things briefly. The phone thing, is over and past. She has a new one. Some of you are just reading too deep into what she does and says. She had the phone for a few days and only knew me for a short time. The phone is broke, she got rid of it. And no, she is not giving me hints to get her more stuff. I offered to send $35 for her uniform for school she is starting. But no, she will not let me. Her family is making the tuition payments as well.

As for the history of Phil. I have read many things all about the whole country. Online, I bought a book. etc. And yes, I have found out that Angeles has a huge redlight district. I am only going to Angeles because it is the closest to her town that has hotels. I was also thinking Dau. Is that just part of Angeles? BTW she is definitely not a bargirl.

Also, I have really calmed down about this relationship. Yeah, I like her. But I don't feel blinded by love anymore. I do not feel I could commit to much with out just meeting her in real life. We talk for hours most every day. When I posted my first message I knew her maybe only 25% of what I do now. I have now started to get to know her a lot more.

And yes, I have considered that I am a ticket of of poverty. Guess I just have to trust her or accept it. I don't know still... There is well over a 90% chance I am visiting near the end of July, beginning of Aug.

I feel that some of you are waaay off base here. This is not some gigantic conspiracy against me. And while some of your fears may be warranted, well warranted, I just think many of you are just analyzing it too far. No one will probably care, I have logged all my conversations with her on yahoo messenger, but if someone eally wants, I will post the convos online. Just msg me.

Also I did take some advice. I "pursued" some other girls from the site. I befriended a few other girls. After only one day a few were aggressively pursuing money from me. Now they wont even msg me. Every other girl I talked to is vastly different. I also tried to, and this made me feel a little bad, visiting her a few days under a different name. First day I "meet" her. She it telling me about her BF she really cares about. That she met him on the site, he is so understanding and kind she tells me. So I tried anyways. I spent some credits for prvt show with her to just talk. Tried to pursue her for a few days. She acts like she is committed to her bf. I told her that I am just looking for a nice girl to marry one day. She just said "sorry then, I am going to marry my bf. he is coming to visit me u know."

boreanesia

Now I don't know your girl, but like I said in my previous post: just be very very very careful, and whatever sob story she comes up with, never send money. Many of these girls are really good at scamming. Those that are obvious scamsters aren't good. The good ones are those that don't make it obvious.

As for you visiting her under a different name: be careful! Many of these webcam sites reveal the IP addresses of the guests visiting the models. So she may have already known that it was you pretending to be someone else, and she just played along so that you would hear what you wanted to hear.

You say that she does not act sexual. Well, that is completely irrelevant to scamsters. In fact, many filipina teens go to internet cafes and chat up foreigners to scam money off them. It is just a game they play amongst themselves -- who can get the most money from foreigners. Be careful! In fact, it is my experience that those that act sexual on the webcam sites are those that are more trustworthy because they take their job seriously and don't use it as a medium to scam foreigners. I know this because I have been involved with a webcam model now for almost 3 years! So I'm pretty well versed in the tricks of the trade. If you want you can chat with me on YM. My ID is: boreanesia. We might be able to learn from each other.

chatuchac

Dau is in Mabalacat, Pampanga. Angeles and Dau belong to the same province - Pampanga. DA, Subic are shopping places for goods which came from the US. Women from this province are noted for their beauty and loyalty. I am not surprised when you mentioned that during your "sleuthing" she said she is committed to her bf. There are lots of GI babies (kids of US soldiers who were assigned in the area) who would say that their mothers waited for "Joe" to come back and make good his promise. In general, when one truly captures a heart of a Filipina, they are usually loyal and very caring. In return, they would expect their men to be devoted as well. If you have a minor argument or "tampuhan", don't expect her to "forgive" you right away after saying sorry. You have to woo her until she smiles at you. It may be tedious, but definitely worth the effort.

If you are convinced that you are above her "unvalidated red dots" as pointed out by some of the respondents to your question, then maybe, everything will be alright. If your visit convinces you that she is the girl for you, congratulations! However, if a terrible fight happens between the two of you, in a heated argument better make sure that you don't throw back into her face how you met her and where she came from. If you can see yourself able to face and appropriately act on the realities that you will face in the future, then, way to go dude!

mmaione2005

Dear Friend,

Almost the same thing happened to me, but i didn't contact her in private chat, i found her via Dating site, switching after on Yahoo messenger, i was aware of the work she does from her mouth.
I proposed to her to leave the work supported by me. She refused. She is already there,
same chats every evening, seen only twice upon her request to have a vote for rating.
Vote given and she prayed to me to unsubscribe immediately, i did.
Little help to her, never requested clearly, phone to same issue, phone brooked or steeled is the same direction.
Little pocket money " the company doesn't pay my salary" given.
Not aware of sad story on her family, she like me is not able in english language; I noted the pictures she send to me are different from the images taken from web cam, may be she uses different image of a model.
The voice when at phone is common voice of common people.
But warning explore internet using goggle and typing her yahoo identity, you can discover that she is advertising of her profession the people inviting to catch her on this address.
same experience with the custom, at home she says " i do not have a cam", but after appear sometime view my web cam. Many Love letters written good feelings, but is not her English, someone write for her.
My story continue i will see at which point arrives the play. I hope this experience can be useful for you, warning, do not go in Philippines in private rented rooms, use hotels and not normal jeep bus, but taxi and best wishes to you.
King regards Michele

ylaira

REALLYWONDERING,
I got a cousin whos making her japanese husband as milking cow but most I know are sincere (and that includes me who's in the same internet thing set up).
According to your story, I believe that your girl is real to you. I am speaking as a filipino woman myself. If you will part ways someday, CERTAINLY it is NOT because of her loyalty to you. The reason will be the beliefs, culture and HER FAMILY (even the extended one). If you plan top get serious with her someday, set borders on her relatives about money AS EARLY AS NOW (even indirectly). Don't make a pattern of sending her money, never! HERE, we help each other specially those better off. Since she's your GF, they (family) will think she got a lot of money through you so most likely, family will come to her for HELP. This can be observed in a low income, close-knit families. Its just a culture. It doesn't conflict to Americans. Japanese (specially) and richer Filipino men experienced the same.

FYI people, the minimum wage here is P375/a day (or $8.33 /a day, not p/h). But no matter how hard life is, ur GF must LEAVE HER JOB.

and yes, think on your head if you will really click in person.