My husband and I have a good sex life together , although it is getting less and less these days (we have been together for 8 years, married for 3) as it inevitably does. He works nights and I work days so we don't see much of each other which is another story. We occasionally enjoy watching porn together to spice things up, but not every time. When he was out of work about 4 years ago he downloaded about 70 mb of naked women from the net. I found it on his computer and a CD - he denied looking at it at first but I left the computer on one day with the disk in his computer and a naked woman on the screen. I was really hurt more than anything that he lied to me - he had looked me straight in the eye and told me he hadn't downloaded any naked women. I ended up taking the disc to work and destroying it. He rang me to ask where the disc was and I told him I had destroyed it - we had a bit of a fight about it but it eventually died down.

Anyhow, coming back to the porn - I found from the 'history' in explorer that he regularly looks at porn on his computer. When I've asked him about it in the past he's got angry with me for snooping. Maybe I shouldn't snoop I know - but I can't help it because he lied to me in the past about it. I don't like the idea that he is getting turned on by this stuff when I'm not there and feel that he's all 'spent' when it comes to me! He also says he likes looking at cleavages and so whenever any woman has one when we're around I feel uncomfortable and feel that he's looking at them - I often find him looking directly at their chests and I don't like it. He says that I am controlling and he doesn't feel that he can do anything and that he should wear blinkers when he is around me. Am I being too sensitive???

dumbo4

no!!! he should be respecting you and not looking at others. porn, i'm so so with pending on how often. i wouldn't like it though if my hubby has mags or dvd's or cds. but we watch the hbo cheap porn sometimes. but i think he is insensitive to look at others. i would feel he isn't interested in me sexually if i was in your place.

Yankeesfans2

I think hes just a man and men love boobs and porn..lol.. maybe the lacking lovemaking is becuase you have pulled away.. knowing and probably dwelling on the question does he find me as attractive? I am not saying hes right, I am just saying maybe your taking it too personally so to speak. I know I am in a similar situation with being the one pulling away but because I cant get something else out of my mind...lol.. different story for a different day... the lying is what would most bother me!

dumbo4

true, the honesty is most important, but i would feel like i was unattractive to my husband if he was looking in front of me. i told him that if he feels at all like looking, do it when i am not around or he's in the dog house. we love eachother very much and have alot of respect for eachother that the only stuff we look at when it comes to that is the cheap porn on hbo and cinamax. after thinking about your question though, it made me think of the time when my hubby and i had to take those classes that you have tot ake before getting married. they said that you and your spouse pick out one room in your house or apt., and that is the only room you are allowed to fight in. if you think that this may cause a fight between you and your hubby, pick out a room to have a discussion in that may cause a fight. tel your hubby that you really want to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel about everything. your feeling towards his lying, his porn and looking and how it makes you feel. tell him that his honesty is very important to you and that even if it may hurt you what he has to say you would rather hear the truth than lies. (if this goes for the worst in the relationshipm i am not accountable for what happens. sorry.) if the truth is that he is interested in others, that would hurt like no other, but at least your no living a lie and maybe there could be counseling. if the truth is that their isn't enough time for some nookie between you two with your schedules that he says he is turning to porn and looking cause either you don't dress that way or he just doesn't see enough that he looks or he isn't getting enough. if that is the case, try and do a date night or set out some time just for you two. i know with kids it can be hard. so if you have kids i guess it would be around their schedule of when they are napping, sleeping or old enough to be at friends. but it is important to talk about honestly and to set some time out every day for just you two. to talk, play games(sex games or reg. games), dance, romatic dinner, movies, whatever. just find some for your two every day and talk. communication is key, especially when it is honest and a study said the more love making, the beter chanve of having a healthy heart and less chance of a heart attack or stroke. my first answer hit a note because i had an ex whoo cheated on me in high school and he lied about it. i am very thank ful to have a honest and loving husband. i wish you well and hope everything turns out with you and your husband. if this is good advice and you need to talk, you can still talk to me if you want. i run a business out of my house and get a chance to geto n the computer sometimes throughout the day.
good luck!

talaniman

I think you may be a little on the sensitive side and you shouldn't take his behavior as personal. Hey all us guys like a little racy entertainment every now and then and it really has nothing to do with our mates at all. You yourself said you like the cheap porn on cable so its only a matter of degrees probably. I think you need to get over it a little, sounds like a personal problem. why make such a big deal out of it? I do agree that a man should not lie about these things but whats a guy to do when he knows the consequences of telling the truth?

jrussole

He is fantasizing, which is normal. Maybe you should have a sexy pic of you and send to him for Chrismas? That may liven up his/your sex drive? Where his fantasies can become reality? Just something to think about.

manimuth

You said that he "regularly looks at porn" and that "he's all 'spent'" when it comes time to have sex with you. Does this mean that you feel like he is choosing porn over having sex with you? In my humble opinion, this is what sounds like more of a problem than him looking at women's cleavages in public. I think that a good, long, open and honest talk is important since you have so many concerns. Tell him how what he has done and what he is doing makes you feel. Tell him how much you love him and that you do not want to control him, but that he has to know how uncomfortable you are. Don't hold in your feelings because you will only become increasingly distrustful. I hope that this helps. Good luck.

jrussole

If I were you, I would get a pic of me in something sexy and give it to him for Christmas. Then his fantasy can become reality.

talaniman

Sounds like a plan.

jrussole

Sorry. Read what I said and meant:
If I were you, I would get a pic of myself and give it to him for Christmas! I hope that clarifies things.
Your probably not going to change his appetite for sexual deviation. He will probably do it anyway, in spite of knowing it bothers you. But you can try. Some men just need that extra spice in their lives. To day dream. If it gets out of hand though, you and he -may need counseling.
I would also buy some sexy outfits to entice him. Even if you feel awkward about how you look, if that is the case? If he loves you, it doesn't matter. He should love all of you. We all can't look like Angelina Jolie. But it helps if we strive to be the best we can be. Plus, she has a manacurist. A make-up artist, etc.

I once feel asleep on the beach in the Hamptons, with some friends. Well, it ended up to be some famous models house. She came out screaming and yelling at us at daybreak. And boy, was she ugly! No makeup, hair a mess, with sweat pants and a tee shirt. From that point on, I never worried about my looks. I looked better than she will ever look in the morning!