i have a question, my husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS.... then i found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should i be worried?? or is this just another way for him to get off. the thing that really bothers me is that i seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is seperated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times. AND he user name is hornysailorman. i mean come on.... you see my user name i mean damn that is my user name for everthing.

a little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, im 21 he is 23, im alittle over 300lbs and he is like 220. he is 6'3 and im 5'10. we met online on eharmaney around march2005.

i am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but im worried that he does not find me sexy anymore.

some of my friends say that i should talk to him............ well i have, more times then i can count. i have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. but he still does it. we cant go to conseling because we dont make that kinda money. the thing is i am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he tv. saying that maybe if i picked up the house alittle more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
this it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED?????

AkhilKVenugopal

Dear friend, Pornography is morally, spiritually and physically wrong. As a responsible partner and a caring wife, you must show your true love by striving from today to bring him back from his porn addiction.
I stress again porn is evil and all evil ends in hell.
Talk to him with love and care and bring him back from the poisonous trap of porns.

indiestarshoote

You should get counseling. No amount of people on the internet can convince your husband what he is doing is wrong. Seek professional help. If he refuses to talk and discuss it with you he might be more compelled to speak with a professional. Don't wait any longer. If your marriage is in jeopardy fight for it and take immediate action.

kolenovic

this is not porn he is looking for he is looking for someone else to screw porn sights are different you look he is looking for sex confront him or you are surely gonna lose him

Cocolino

To SYNNEN:
With great regret, I have to say how wrong your position sounds to me. You defend porn and the idea of accepting porn as something that doesn't harm if used 'in moderation' - how sad and still laughable. You also say it spices up your personal life.
I can only feel sympathy for you. You a/o your partner must have a very poor imagination and erotic natural input, since you need porn and other toys or tools to revive your sexual drive... Let alone the fact that porn is a cuckoo land populated with sickly pumped penises and overused vaginas. What's sad about people like you who embrace porn as a way of waking up their erotic senses is that they/ you don't realise how pathetic this is. How FAKE, FAKE, FAKE.

Synnen

Guess what?

My husband and I get ideas for our sex life from EVERYWHERE. Heck, you don't even NEED porn these days--just turn on "Desperate Housewives"! Porn has less of an impact on our sex lives than erotica, general fiction, PG-13 movies (that kiss in "Spiderman" was mmm mmm good), and the park across the street from my house. We both have pretty good imaginations, too, so some of it is just thinking about things and wondering how THAT would feel.

I defend porn because porn in and of itself is not harmful. What is harmful are the people that take it seriously, that believe that porn is what a real connection and real sex is like, the people who do not communicate with their partners when they see something they like.

People like you are the same people that lobbied against alcohol use during prohibition. Because THEY could not see a use for alcohol, and the harmful effects could be so easily pointed out, they got it banned for EVERYONE.

I feel sorry for YOU, that your mind is so closed to something that DOES benefit some couples--the couples that don't believe it's real to begin with, and so are able to watch it like they do any OTHER movie--with suspension of disbelief. I mean really--you don't think porn is REAL, do you? And I hate to tell you this, but pro-wrestling isn't real either. Even those reality shows on TV aren't real. I know, I know--shocking! I feel sorry for you that you've accepted porn as an actual representation of what goes on in the bedroom--which is the same thing that addicts do. You're not a porn addict are you? There are counselors out there that can help with that!

I can, in some ways, understand the stance of those dead set against porn. I feel the same way about Disney movies, and my little girls won't be watching ANY Disney until they are old enough to understand that love doesn't work the way that Disney represents it, and that a 16-year-old "princess" isn't likely to find her prince in the first guy she meets, marry him, and live happily ever after. I think it's an extremely poor representation of what love and relationships really are--yet we program our little girls as a society to believe it can happen, because we show them movie after movie in which it does! You want to talk about unrealistic!!

Long story short--don't feel sorry for me. The only person on these boards that probably has a better and more satisfying sex life, with a true connection and communication with their partner is KP. That's not to say that none of the others have great relationships--I can think of several offhand that do--I'm just saying that my husband and I are open-minded, communicate to each other, and trust and respect each other.

We also don't think porn is "real", which is what I think the real problem with the people that hate it is.

jrebel7

If, as you say, Disney movies represents love in an unrealistic way, that love doesn't work that way, and it is an extremely poor representation of what love and relationships really are, I have to say I agree with you. I think many a little girl has grown up with "Cinderella Syndrome" so to speak, and have been jarred by the reality of married life and have crashed and burned emotionally.

By the same token, as adults we know porn is not real but real people are set before a camera to pretend as if it is real. Camera men are viewing the bodies of these people, the people in the movies are not respecting their own bodies. They are allowing some stranger to touch them in places that should be reserved only for the person in their life that they have chosen to be their mate for life, such as you and your husband. I wonder in my mind, if these little girls you have who are not being allowed to watch Disney movies (and I can totally see your point) grow up and decide they would enjoy making porn movies, would you feel they had made a wise choice for their life? Anything can become addictive. We all have a propensity to become addicted to something in our lives. You mention people fighting against the making/selling of alcohol. My 37 year old nephew died two years ago from drinking too much and destroying his liver. He made the choice to drink but a little was not enough. He was the most precious person, so kind that life sometimes caused too much pain. His father took him out drinking and introduced him to the "night life" and now the father still lives, the son is dead.....both drank. One can stop when he chooses, my nephew found it difficult to do so. He did quit the last year of his life. There are people who can view porn in the way you say you and your husband do but their are people who become addicted and a little is not enough and before you know it, they are viewing it at work and some losing their jobs because of it (where I worked there were people in state office whose only job was to scan what state employees were viewing online and if they were viewing porn, they were fired), and people like the husband in this first post, who watch porn for hours when they get home. It takes more and more to satisfy them and they remove themselves from their mates "real" life. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment being in a healthy real relationship. Porn allows the mind to do most of the work but destroys so many relationships. We are a people of choice. I just think if something harms others, we should be willing to step back and realize that not all people choose well. Maybe there are things in all of our lives, we could give up, for the sake of helping someone else not get caught up in something that might destroy their lives, even though we can take it or leave it, so to speak.

I think the shows you mention on TV are a prime example of the process of "gradualism".

There will always be alcohol, just as there was when it was illegal, there will always be drugs, there will always be porn, there will always be murders, rape, incest, etc. I have sin in my life and am addicted to things, as we all are to some degree, and deal with being obsessive/compulsive. So I write, not as a person who thinks I am strong or better than someone else but as one who believes we should respect ourselves and others.

I am thankful for this forum where we can all express what is in our hearts and share experiences that might help someone else along the way.

I do believe porn is wrong. I believe it debases both men and women.

Synnen

I believe that people should be responsible for their OWN choices.

I don't want a government that is a nanny, telling me what I can and can not do in MY life because some other idiot (yes, I put that word out there) can't take responsibility for their OWN actions.

I don't think the following things are wrong, though they are destructive in the hands of those who do not make good choices: Handguns, prescription drugs, alcohol, fast food, sugar, revealing clothing (such as lingerie), computers, explosives, military training, pornography, box cutters, electricity, casinos, lottery tickets, video games (especially first-person shooters), music with explicit lyrics, religion (more people die for religion than for any other cause every year), tattoos, body piercings, alternative medicine, cell phones, television, and parenting (think of the damage that people not cut out to be parents do to their children!)

Basically, it comes down to choices.

If you don't like porn, GREAT! That's your choice! But then make that clear when you're dating someone, and either don't stay with anyone that DOES view porn, or lower your standards and accept that it is YOUR choice to stay with someone who does view porn--you don't get to be a victim if you stay when you don't like it. Either leave or accept that you're not going to get your way on it. Period.

What you should NOT do, though, is make things illegal because you can't handle those things. I personally would LOVE to make religion illegal! But instead I recognize that it's a choice that everyone makes, and regardless how destructive it is in the hands of the wrong people---everyone has to make their OWN choice about it. I choose not to support religion, rather than trying to take it away from the people that DO enjoy it.

creditme

Yes, you should be worried. Porn is just wrong. He will end up cheating on you and becoming addicted to sex with other people. If he won't get help, you will both be unhappy.

450donn

For those that do not believe than pornography is not a bad thing, simply do a search at the top of the page for that subject and see how many relationships are in trouble because of porn addictions.

Synnen

To counter that argument...do a search for "Am I pregnant" and see how many of THOSE relationships are failing because someone (usually the female) had the image that having sex meant that you were in love and were going to be together forever.

I honestly believe that for the average person the warped conceptions from porn are no more prevalent than the warped images of violence (look at all the school shootings out there!) or from romantic comedies (where everyone lives happliy ever after and no one ends up pregnant and on welfare and holding a grudge because he left for his previous babymomma).

Not having SELF CONTROL is what is wrong in those relationships, and not putting your partner ahead of yourself, and not taking responsibility for your actions.

Addiction to porn is a symptom of THOSE issues, and not the problem.