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In our 2nd year of marriage - is it always this hard?
Hi all - my husband and I have been married for 2 years - in May. We have 2 wonderful daughters the oldest is 4 and the youngest is 2. He and I met 13 years ago. throughout this time he and i have dated on and off and always seemed to have a strong connection.
We had our 1st child then got engaged had our 2nd then tied the knot. it seems though that we seem to go through cycles of bad times. He likes to drink and hang out with his friends till 2-3 in the morning - granted this had toned down over time but he still occasionally feels the need. Here lately I have found that he has lied about who he has been out with - she happened to be a woman he works with- when confronted about it, he states that he does not tell me stuff to avoid arguments.
i will admit he is upset with me for "nit picking" - and maybe i do B*tch too much. It just seems like a never ending cycle - he blames me for drinking and staying out till all hours and then i get upset about the drinking and say something.
Sometimes I worry that my idea of married life and his are completely different.
Any advice on how to make it through this...?
how dare you! you are absolutely clueless about my marriage, and so quick to judge. ignorant!
i consistently talk about doing the work to make a marriage last... this includes intimate time together, which often needs to be planned, expecially with a family. it takes effort and deliberate intent, and i state this over and over. dont lecture me on this.
never once did i state they should not plan time together.
my point was that, while its not wrong for him to want some time with others outside the family, she should also get some "escape time". studies show that people with more friends live longer and happier lives. its easy for someone to lose themself in the demands of a marriage, even one that is good. the pressures of the first years of marriage are often because people are so much in contact with each other, they forget to nurture the individual as well.
so get off your high horse and stop being so quick to assume i don't spend time on my wife. we've had three dates in the last two weeks, two of which were arranged by me. that said, she also takes saturday mornings for herself, to see friends or have time alone while i play with the kid, and every other monday night out to be with friends.
if this is unacceptable to you, then you are as clueless as you sound.
Sorry if YOU don't like my answer. You are right I do not know you or anything about YOUR marriage (s) However I do know that spending time away from ones family and instead being with the "boys" is not the answer. Going out Drinking with the boys to me exhibits a behavior that is not conducive to a positive family enviroment. I have nothing against going fishing with the guys on a Saturday afternoon as long as everything else in the house and family are taken care of FIRST. Marriage should be a selfless act where each person gives their all.
hmmm... i never said ignore the house and family. i said find balance, particularly her need to have time to recharge, and date time set aside with her husband. sad thing is we agree more than you seem to understand. telling me to schedule dates when i told her to do exactly that mere inches above your disagree is a little silly or sloppy.
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