Ive never done this. All Im asking is that you PLEASE read it all carefully before you jump. I just need some good feedback.
I met my BF in 2006. We hit it off right away, We are in our early 40's so we're not kids. 4 months into dating we took ur first trip together: wonderful. Every minute has been wonderful. In april ( 8 months after we met) got my engagement ring. We decided to get married when we felt it was right. I was very happy. He is still very happy, Im happy currently but back to the facts.
2 days before we left for our april trip and 1 week after i got my ring, he slept with a girl he had known off & on, never had dated her or went out anywhere, only knew her from the club. She got pregnant right away. Since they had "known" each other, talked while at the clib ect, she felt she "knew" him. She told him she was pregnant. He told her he did not want a relationship with her and was involved with someone. She already had another child and said she agreed, it wasnt good and was going to get an abortion. She came back a few weeks later and told him she didnt. He again talked to her about the siutation and explained his feelings. She said she would rather do it all on her own. She went away. Months went by. We then planned our wedding for the beginning of the following year. We gt married on the 17th, the baby was born on the 4th. How did I find all of this out? by the text messages on the phone bill. He owned up 2 days after our wedding stating he believed her when she said she wanted nothing from him and that she had plans on moving out of state for a better job she had been offered and wanted no help from him. She has confirmed this. He said he was scared that if I did find out, i would have left him and I was the most important thing to him, he had made a terible mistake and felt horrible about it. He didnt see her for many months. She went thru the pregancy alone because she told me she wanted it that way. She would simply text him to give progress reports and again when the baby was born. He did NOT tell her he was getting married. She did NOT know about me at all untill I called the number on the bill. Of course I confronted him and he told me everything. Hert story matched his, however, she did say it was in the "back of her mind" that maybe..just maybe he would want to be with her since she had given birth to a little girl and she felt sooo bad for him because his own daughter from his years prior marriage had passed away. He had told her no from the start. She confirms this as well.
Well now Im here and believe it or not we are happy. I looked at it as well, sow your oats now I guess..is that weak? But to NOt tell me made it alll the worse. If he had said from the start, I made this huge mistake last month after the bar with the guys with this girl ( whos 15 yrs. younger) I have known and oh Im in trouble and you're gonna kill me...I think it would have been alot easier to deal with buty thats thrn this is now.
She doesnt want too much visitation time and is playing games but she talks to me for hours on end telling me that she just needs time to " adjust to all of this" ( waah) I do get it to a point. Baby is now 5 months old. My husband obtained an attorney and took her to court in order to get visitation tie with his daughter. The baby is a doll! We are both parents and I have NO problems at all believe it or not sharing with this little doll as it is NOT her fault shes here. We both agree she should have the very best of both worlds with both mom & dad. Mom however doesnt even let us have her for overnights. Although she tells us one thing, some things I believe, man I dont, I do believe she is very envious of the fact that he married me not her. This seems to be a case of guy dating one girl falls in love, makes stupid mistake, realizes his mistake and feels bad and marries the woman he trully loves. Now Im not stupid nor am I blind, Im not 16 either. Im just saying I try not to be gulible.
So....what do you think and any suggestions>

twinkiedooter

I read it through and the first thought that popped into my head was please have him take a paternity test and prove that the baby is really his before jumping into anything rash right now. Once that is determined beyond a shadow of a doubt - then jump to conclusions. Since this was basically a one night stand(?) or so they say - I'm still skeptical of this scenerio. If she is telling the truth then there should be no problems with her producing the DNA sample of her and the baby to prove his paternity. If she balks - then it's possible that he is not the father.

N0help4u

I agree with a DNA test because she could at some point push for child support and he could be paying for a child that is not even his. While with one time it is possible to get pregnant I question that as Twinkiedooter does.
You married him and he did choose you over her so unless he gives you reason to doubt him then you need to just accept him and everything as good. I can understand him not wanting to tell you because most women would have dropped him like a hot potato!
He didn't tell you because you could have been like most women.

kelly2009

Heres whats worse. I had a long conversation with her sunday nite, all she kept saying was how she wanted to be friends, be happy, work this out with no attorneys. DNA came back today, its his ok, I knew that the baby looks like him. What I didnt know however was the entire 2 hour conversation she had with me was all BS! every word. She had already filed with the courts for an immediate hearing ( even though we are the ones suing HER for some type of visititation that she wont give up) and she is demanding 900 a month support ( not even close to FOC guidlines and she wants $3000 up front. Now, she wont see any of the support. Not a dime because she is on state aid. The support all goes back to the state. She is only doing this because she is so resentful that he is not married to her. This girl is a liar.

twinkiedooter

Glad to hear the follow up on this. Now you can jump to conclusions about her. I knew there was something in the woodwork with her attitude but couldn't pin it down. I definitely would have the judge decide the amount of child support - not her. She is not the judge. And as far as back support that is up to the judge also. No wonder she wants no attorneys involved. Also the state aid that she receives will be much less, if any at all once your husband starts paying support for the child. Be sure he pays the child support agency directly and not her as she certainly is not going to report the income - she wants to keep getting that free money from the state. I don't think she is so much resentful as she has dollar signs for brains at this point thinking she's going to really strike it rich. Too bad she's probably going to have to work for a living like everyone else for their money. I'd definitely push for visitation order as well and not have anything "oral" for an agreement with her either as she will definitely twist that around to her advantage in the future. Have seen her likes before many times. Nothing new.

kelly2009

Thanks, I agree about something about her not being right. In the past few days since the conversation I had with her and only to find it out to be untrue she has since taken each phone conversation that we have had and twisted it stating it was I calling HER ect and lies that are unreal, only to file a PPO in court agaisnt me. Now its obvious why, the more she thinks she can pullk my husband & I aprt just sint going to work. Our attorney will respresent me should the judge even sign the silly thing. But this is they type of person we are dealing with. My husband has come to the decision that he now understands why many fathers just walk away and he is seriously considering doing the same saying limited visittation and having this young woman in our life for 18 years is NOT worth any problems it "may" cause us. I agree.

kelly2009

excuse the spelling mistakes, Im at work!