My husband still conversates with a woman he was interested in before we met and he met up with her in las vegas 2 days Before we were married.He says its not a big deal but some of the text Ive seen before didn't seem like that.I let him know once we got married it would have to stop.. but she called his phone today.. he answered and their conversation was short but he lied to me that is was her on the phone.. which hurt a lot.. He said he lied because he didn't want to get into an argument with me... Im hurt and upset. I asked him how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I feel there is more to it my woman's intuition is telling me...

Yes, it is okay for a man- single, married, dating, etc. to have women as friends... However, I do not at all agree with a man lying to his wife, meeting up with past women of interest, or disrespecting your request for him to stop contact with this woman. I would sit down and have a serious chat with him. I too, would be suspicious if my fiancé was speaking to his ex-girlfriends, and "meeting up" with them- mostly because at one point in time, there WAS feelings for these few women in his past, and protecting each other from the temptation to cheat is a biggie in a relationship. He should know that he is not invincible to this temptation, and speaking with women that he has had feelings for can very well make that temptation appear. He has a right to have women as friends, and it would be completely wrong for you to try to control that, however, as a couple, if something is making you uncomfortable, or there is blatant lying going on- it needs to be addressed. Whatever you do, don't let this one slide.

I is OK to have friends of either sex, but if the converstation could not be on a speaker phone ( not that it should) or if they could not be invited over to dinner or a BBQ with other friends, then there is a problem.

The issue I see is the lying, that is where the problem is, if he is not being honest he is ashamed or scared of something.

Also the fact if you did tell him that his relationship had to stop, then he should have honored your feelings over a friendship

This stuff always bothers me. I'm all about honesty and integrity, but I HAVE to say that his response to this whole situation is actually perfectly reasonable. It is.

He may not be in constant contact with this woman, and he may not wish to hurt your feelings, so he "white-lied" it when pressed by you about it. Now he's going to get busted for the lie when he actually had good intentions, he tried to spare you the pain of the topic at all... oh well.

Please, you married this guy. He pledged himself to you and it's perfectly reasonable for you to expect his pledge to be honored. It is. And by that, I mean you should be able to take a breath here on this issue.

You can actually choose to trust him. You can. It's perfectly reasonable.

I'm not telling you to be blind, far from it. You should pay attention to your husband's actions and activities. But not with the intent of "catching" him and punishing him or being hurt by it or anything like that. Just to be aware.

There is a big difference in the question you've posed and activities that men engage in that is ACTUALLY dangerous or worthy of major suspicion.

So, talk to him about it if you wish, but watch your attitude and your tone when you do. Speak to him as if you already believe there is nothing going on, talk about it as if you're his best friend and lifemate and he can trust you with the topic. He should be able to.

Once he learns he can talk to you about difficult things and you won't play the "my feelings are hurt, make me feel better" card... you'll find you're relationship step up to a whole new level. It's awesome.

My wife and I are able to discuss things like old boyfriends/girlfriends, premarital sex, porn, politics... and even though the discussions might get heated, we trust each other and do not threaten each other with our attitudes or opinions on these topics.

And we never put "us" on the line over anything like this. We've already chosen to be lifemates, we've already chosen to "stick it out no matter what", so we do. And that means trusting as the first approach to any topic.

Any topic.

Think about it. He's your man. Treat him like he is exactly that. Not suspiciously or controlling, but rather trusting and accepting and open. Be each other's best friend first. In all things.

Everything else is manageable after that.

The fact that he met this woman before he met you, and met up with her two days before your wedding, and continues a relationship with her, is not okay under any circumstances, or stretch of the imagination.

If he has female friends, they should be known to you. It is inevitable that at work, the gym, soccer practice, what have you, that he will have friends that happen to be female.

However, those types of female friends under those circumstances, do not have a long term 'secret' relationship, going back to two days before you were married, and even further, and continues to this day, via text.

I have ZERO respect for this woman contacting your husband, knowing you are married. I also have ZERO respect for your husband for keeping his relationship with her going.

Unless he can invite her to Sunday dinner, and introduce you to you and your married life together, then she is a problem between you and your husband. Tell him you'd like to ask her over for dinner and see what he says.

If he chooses not to even introduce you to this very good friend, then I think you have your answer.

Look, the way I see it, he's with you. You have to trust that and give your husband, for the time being, the benefit of the doubt.

He may feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car when you question him about this - dammed if he admits to it and dammed if he doesn't (sorry for the muddled analogy - but you know what I mean).

Are you able to talk to him reasonably about his? What is his real connection with this woman and why does he retain contact with her? If your husband is interested in protecting your marriage (and not just his own skin) he should be able to give you honest answers.

You may have to put aside your sensitivity on this issue and listen to what he has to say. Tell him you want to know and temper your reactions. Try not to project your fears - sometimes our intuition can be wrong!

It's reasonable for marriage partners to have friends of the opposite sex, but it's not reasonable for them to hide them or to lie about them.

How long have you been married?

I have always chosen to be honest with my wife, and bear the fallout if she gets pi$$ed. That works for me, as she can tell if I'm lying any way.

Your husband probably felt he would rather start trouble for lying than about some female that's his friend, and nothing else.

I'm lucky in the respect that my wife deals well with my sometimes blunt honesty in a positive way, obviously your husband doesn't feel the same so has to resort to lying to get peace. Poor fool, that never works, but you can change that, by making it possible by attitude and actions for him to be willing to be more honest with you.

I have always been grateful of my wifes choice of action, to make my female friends, her friends as well, truth be told, they became more hers than mine, but geeez, what's a guy to do about that!?

At least I feel no need to lie about anything, we can both deal with the truth, no matter what we feel.

No it's not OK. Yes you need to address it. But, be prepared that Maybe he won't respect your feelings, and their relationship continues. Then Yes you have a bigger problem... then it's open disrespect, and your next action or inaction seals the deal of your life... People put themselves into temptation. Men in committed relationships are drawn by women, sometimes for the chase, the change of scenery, the attention, the excitement, the desparation for something their not getting at home, to play out a fantasy, or just relieve physical boredom. SAD, but TRUE. Women think differently about it. A women needs to connect emotionally, psychologically, and physically. A man can see what he likes, connect physically, get up and go home and not feel or think anything else about it, but 'that was nice.' I don't know your situation, but I do know men... I'd love to have one who was committed to me and not tempted in any way by anyone else... I just don't think it's realistic... staying hopeful though.

If his "friendship" with her hurts you in anyway, it's not okay. You are his first priority.

I am experiencing a similar situation. My husband does not hide his female friends, and the majority of them were invited to our wedding. I do have a problem with some women though. First it was this one young lady named Dee, she was determined to call, and text my husband using the excuse that he was like a father to her. They were only 5 years apart, but he said it was the way he carried his self at work that made her see him as a father figure. My thing is this, women seem to know what bothers them, and so to me, when they know their male friend is married, they don't take into consideration the wife. They will call when they want, and try to keep the friendship between your husband and them, as much as possible. I think that is unfair to the marriage. Even if you have been friends with the spouse long before he or she got married, I believe you must take into consideration that your male or female friend decided to marry someone else, and not you. Therefore, you must step back, and have more respect for the marriage, and also the spouse MUST put the husband or wife first. Otherwise, men and women, will try anything they can to cause friction in your marriage. My husband is very nonconfrontational, and I feel his female friends use that to their advantage. They try to exclude me as much as possible, and I feel my husband excuses their behavior for his own convenience. I talk to him about it and try not to get frustrated, and disrespectful, but sometimes I feel that I am talking to a brick wall and my feelings are the least of his concern.