You may already know my story as I have recently posted my story in a different question on how to get my husband back. He has left for about a week now but hasn't even taken his things yet from the house. He is living at his parents next town away. I keep reading all these tips on the internet about what NOT to do. Don't call him, Don't text him, agree with the seperation and all that. I have been following the advice to a point. I only text him if he texts me and not always. I wasn't the first to initiate communication and last time I talked to him on the phone I only asked about some bills and didn't appear needy in any way. I told him I have been going out with friends and doing ok.
The thing is that I know deep down he loves me and is stuggling with his ego and himself because he feels worthless and that can't offer me anything. He didn't sound like he was having a good time on the phone. He appeared still depressed like his life isn't going anywhere. I feel responsible for making him feel this way because I know he holds a grudge for how I didn't compliment him enough or appreciate him. I don't want to lose him or break up our marriage because of silly misunderstandings because I DO appreciate him. He hurt me but I forgive him and feel he should know some of these things. I wrote a letter about all the things I feel bad about that I have done wrong. I write that I understand how he feels and want to help and also about why I felt neglected by him. I don't ask for him to come back or beg him or profess my love or anything so as not to be pushy. Do you think this is ok? Will it help to give it to him or will it just make things worse? Has anyone ever tried it? I am desperate to tell him these things somehow without nagging him or badgering him because I know he avoids me out of his fear of conflict so I don't know if I will ever really have the chance to get through to him. I don't want to appear desperate but don't want to waste anymore time apart either.

SadSoul

Yes you can write your husband a letter if you want to save your marriage. I don't think nothing is wrong with it. If he has asked you to give him space then I think you should respect that, but I would write the letter to let him know exactly how I feel about him and about us.

Jesushelper76

This is your husband, and it sounds like there was a break needed. When communication fails then marriage eventually fails. You are right to open the lines of communication.

I do not know any of the story but you write that letter. There is not guarantee he will read it, or respond right away. Also you need to make sure HE GETS IT HIMSELF AND NOONE ELSE GETS THERE HANDS ON IT.

Best wishes and best of luck.

mustard_seed

Write the letter & read it aloud to yourself. Does it sound needy? If you wanted space from him would you rather him honor your request? Respect his wishes. If he returns, demand a 50/50 partnership from that point on. Hold up your 50% of the deal. It is possible to live in unity and have separate interest. Maybe you are holding on too tightly and he feels the noose around his neck. If the two of you have grown apart you may reconnect. If he is not interested, let him go!!! Do it for your own well-being, not his.

liz28

You should write the letter and send it certified mail. Make sure you write exactly how you feel no matter how long it is. Also maybe you two should go to marriage cousueloring to help it stay stronger and that will help you not to put him down when hes down b/c thats what you said in your post was 1 problem. I dont know what religion you are but most churches try to help married couples stay to together and thats all your need but please write the letter and I wish you the best but know when your get back together its going make your marriage stronger and your both will work on whatever you have too.

JBeaucaire

You actually DO need to sound needy to your husband. But it needs to be the right kind of "needy".

A man is strengthened in marriage by the clear, unfettered knowledge that his woman loves him deeply and considers him and his goals/ambitions at the top of her priority. She needs him to know how much she is committed to him. He "needs" to know she admires him, in success and failure, for better or worse, no one is as big a fan as she is. No one is as ready to stand at his side and face the battles arm in arm. No one.

When you disagree, it never at the risk of you foundational commitment to one another. Never. The hotter the argument gets, the more likely you are to hear: "Dang, it's a good thing I respect you so much or I would never even consider something like this!"... and never "How could I have ever married such an idiot loser?"

Texting...don't bother. Call him.

Tell him you miss him and are looking forward to when he comes home. Mean it when you say it, make sure he hears in your voice the attraction you have for him. You do "need" him to come home soon, because you ultimately need his strength to help you. Yes, you are having issues, but you are looking so forward to getting to work solving and slaying these dragons together. "Come home soon. I love you. This is where you belong."

I am frequently amazed at how far married people stray in their commitment to each other during some essentially minor issue. In fact, even BIG issues shouldn't have the power to undo the VOW you two made to each other. The whole point of "for better or worse" is so that your mate understands that you will never treat them like a girlfriend or family member you can just walk away from, that you are THERE to do the work and fight together for the success of what you have proclaimed - your true and permanent commitment to one another. You PROMISED.

Being right in an argument is no consolation when you end up alone. Being married isn't about right and wrong, it's about loving interaction, first and foremost, loving interaction. Everything else needs to be servant to that.

Call him. Invite him home. Make him welcome. Apologize for your part in the escalation of the argument without needing him to do the same at all. Your sincerity alone will almost guarantee he does the same, but it's OK if he doesn't. You need to be sincere. Lead him back to the commitment. You two can solve anything as long you face it together.