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Home > Family & People > Marriage   »   is it ok for my wife to have male friends

 
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 12:39 AM
chubbs
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is it ok for my wife to have male friends

shaul i be ok with my wife of 10 years have male friends.when she has never had any before.

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Old Jan 8, 2007, 01:31 AM   #2  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chubbs
shaul i be ok with my wife of 10 years have male friends.when she has never had any before.
i am not clear abt ur ques fren..........
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 01:44 AM   #3  
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Chubbs,

It depends on what kind of friends they are. How has she met them? Online, through work, through mutual friends?

How often does she talk to them? Does she try to hide these friendships from you? Do you trust her?

There are many marriages that go fine with both spouses having friends of the opposite sex. However some men and women feel too insecure and untrusting when their spouse has these friends. It really depends on how much you trust you wife, and how much she shares with you.

I would be wary if she gets really defensive about them, and doesnt want to talk about them or have you meet them. But if she just talks to them every once in a while, and has nothing to hide from you, I believe it is perfectly natural.

I personally will never give up having guy friends, and I could never marry someone who couldnt accept that. However I have always had guy friends and you mention she has never had male friends, so this is new to your marriage.

have you talked to her about it? What does she say?
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 05:30 AM   #4  
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My wife is a musician, and very active in "movements" to save this or that.
In that she has friends some male who she may see on a profesional level or in groups.

It is not a dating or going to the bar and hang out with them. So we all have friends, or should have, and there may be male or female. It is the interaction level that is the issues
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 06:21 AM   #5  
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I have many male friends. However, I have never cheated on my husband. Some women just get along better with men then women. I do go to the bar and hang out with them, sometimes with my husband, sometimes just me. My husband trusts me to not do anything to hurt him or our marriage.

Many times when I read questions like this it makes me wonder about the level of trust in a relationship. Do you trust her to be friends with men? Has she given you any reason not to trust her?

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jonalisa agrees: My thoughts exactly.
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 06:36 PM   #6  
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I've generally never thought it proper for a married person to have friends of the opposite gender (unless it is couples being mutual friends with each other as a foursome.) I would not be comfortable with my wife having male friends and i know for a fact that she wouldn't like me having female friends.
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Old Jan 8, 2007, 06:47 PM   #7  
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I certainly don't agree with married people going to clubs and bars alone and visting any friends of the other sex.

Married people have a responiblity to each other and going out to party without the other is not one of them
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Old Jan 9, 2007, 04:31 AM   #8  
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Fr. Chuck,

While I respect your opinion I have to say I disagree to a point. Married couples can be completely devoted to one another without being with each other every minute of the day. In fact having a little me time is not a bad thing. My husband is on a weekly bowling league with his friends, and then in the summer he is on a golf league. Both are coed. Do I worry that he is talking to another woman? Nope, I trust him, love him, and respect him enough to know that he would never do anything to hurt me. Do I mind that he goes out without me? Certainly not. In fact when I was in school getting my Master's degree I loved that he went out on Thursdays. It gave me a chance to do school work in a quiet house, not worrying about dinner, laundry, or the fact that I was not conversing with him. And quite honestly it allowed me to have more free time for my husband on the weekends.

As for myself going out. I do not every week like my husband, (not that he would care if I did). My best friend is male and we have been best friends since grade school. We often go out and have one on one time to discuss things. His wife does not mind and neither does my husband. To be quite honest his wife has become one of my closest friends. Do I sometimes go out with the gals to a local bar? Heck yeah, we take country line dancing lessons together, it is done at a bar and yes there are men there. Do I talk to them, sure, have I ever thought about cheating. NEVER.

I believe that men and women do need their time apart so that they don't lose sight of who they are in their marriage. Many people tend to lose themselves in their relationships, forgetting about their friends, their family, what they like to do. I think that it is important that we do not do that. Our friends, family, and hobbies are all part of the reasons that my husband and I fell in love with each other.

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ordinaryguy agrees: Diversity in friendships is healthy. A marriage that can't tolerate it isn't.
talaniman agrees: Marraige is a partnership, not prison. Me time is important to everybody in a healthy relationship.
vlee agrees: If you can't do anything apart socially, what is there to talk about?
Matt3046 agrees: just because everyone else was
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Old Jan 9, 2007, 06:05 AM   #9  
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Quote:
Married people have a responiblity to each other and going out to party without the other is not one of them
The most important thing a couple married, or not, has to do is communicate with each other. It is important to talk and establish boundaries that you both must live by. It is unhealthy for any couple to restrict one another from having the freedom to do the things in life they enjoy. But their is nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex. As long as the boundaries are not crossed, and their is trust, why not? If their is not then, Communicate and work it out, because every couple is different and responsible to themselves to make the rules of the relationship. One size does NOT fit all. I've been marrid 33 years and have never worried about my wifes male friends, as I know them all, and vice versa, and as for going out, I trust my woman with out reservation what so ever...........and vice versa.

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Matt3046 agrees: Very true boundaries are import.
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Old Jan 11, 2007, 10:34 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chubbs
shaul i be ok with my wife of 10 years have male friends.when she has never had any before.

i think she should include you w her new friends........its natural to meet new people...but its also natural to say....hey im married....and by the way..you would love my husband...lets all hang out....dinner...play pool....The proper and respectful thing to do...she should be a little more sensitive and try harder to make you feel that your #1
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