Hello,
Let me start at the beginning. I met my wife about 9 years ago. We courted for about 4 years before getting married. To be honest it wasn't a very cordial relationship even then, but somehow we managed to stay together, with me holding up the relationship more than her. She comes with certain personal problems which made a marriage at that point in her life an escape from her situation.
From the very beginning of our marriage, I could see that she wasn't too loving or caring. She never liked physical intimacy with me. Before she met me, she was interested in someone who was already married and I know she used to meet him and was also physically intimate with him, but if I broached the subject with her she used to get upset. I remember a day just a few days after our wedding that I was down with fever and she went out with him for coffee. Anyway, I let it be as she used to say that they were just friends and also I had married her against my family's wishes and I didn't want a confrontation at that point in my life. She used to talk to him on IM and when I started looking at her chat logs and they were quite explicit, but with me it was always hard to engage in anything physical. When I used to confront her with the chat messages she used to get upset that I was spying on her. After a while we moved out and went abroad. It was the same even then. They used to chat the same way. Also she started getting close to a friend of mine and she used to chat with him as well. Once she went back to our country alone while I was scheduled to go after a few days. She met this friend of mine and I knew that something had happened, but I wasn't able to prove anything so I let it be. Also if I did ever bring up the subject she would say that I was spying on her and that she would kill herself if I even raised that subject again.
After a lot of effort we ended up in having intercourse a few times in all our married life and she got pregnant, I think this was the biggest mistake of mine. In any case, we had a baby boy with a difficult delivery and he was diagnosed with a disability.
A few months ago she had been back to our place and when she returned, in one of her chats with her friend I found her saying "why do you do this to me", "you always break my heart" etc. And also in her conversations with the friend of mine that I mentioned above, I came to know that they had slept together. When I confronted her, it was the same story... she became upset that I was spying on her and that she would kill herself. She is still in touch with him and he sent her his phone number in a message a day ago. I know he is just looking for an easy lay, I don't know what she is looking for.
One of the reasons I can imagine, is that I am not good looking, I am short and perhaps she is not attracted to my physically.
She says she loves me, but I can't believe her for all the above reasons. Now she is back at our place for a vacation and says that she wants to go out for coffee with her friend and that it is just friendship and that I should allow her to relax.
I really don't know what to do. For the sake of my child, I need to keep this relationship going. Actually I do love her, but when I think of all these things, my heart justs breaks. What should I do? I am at the end of my tether... Thank you for your patience in reading this long sad affair, but I honestly have nowhere to turn to except an anonymous forum.

I think you need to let her go. Sounds like she is sleeping around a little too much. If you can't trust her than you have no real relationship and it sounds like you have every right not to trust her. She doesn't seem to know what she wants herself.

She is selfish and spoiled, this relationship has crushed yourself esteem. You MUST believe there is someone better for you out there. I am a real example of this. I was in your shoes once, but once I broke free from her selfish grips I met the woman of a lifetime. Let go my friend-she is out there for you. I am short too by the way