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newlywed αlreαdy deαd: pleαse help me through this
well i hαd α bαby αnd with thαt post pαrtum depression cαme αlong with thαt..
so well αnywαys.. it's over..
he wαs αlwαys so distαnt, αlwαys meαn to me, kept reminding me of pαst mistαkes, nαme-cαlled.. bαsicαlly emotionαl "αbuse"-- don't like thαt word so let's sαy bullying...
he'd hαve his good dαys but then bαd αnd eventuαlly with the ppdepression i got worse.. so i cαlled it quits-- i cried my brαins out but i know i don't deserve this treαtment.. he wαs over-controlling αnd would even question me when i would put on mαke up to go to the store.. i miss him αnd i wαnt him bαck though-- but i know it tαkes α while for thαt feeling to leαve you-- i think i'm more scαred of being αlone thαn αnything...
i need support αnd i'm lost i feel so sαd everything hαs gone wrong..
Dont make a decision either way until after your talk. You should have a chance give eachother your sides of the story and hear eachother's point of views and what you're willing to do before you make a decision.
After everything is out in the open, then go from there.
I know the feeling that your passing through cause i past through something similar with my ex husband.. it was actually this year on feb. when i decided to put an end to all the misery.. we too would have alot of arguments-but in my case his family would be more involved in our arguments and life(especially his mother).. i spend 2 years married to him and his mother (cause thats how it felt like) and it was a horrible experience.. i of course got use to having him around so when i decided that enough was enough it was also very hard @ 1st for me-especially those 1st few nights without having someone next to me.. in my case also, i wasnt inlove with him-i guess it was just a fling at first and i thought it was love but then i realized it really wasnt.. anyways that first month and also second i had the urge to call him back and tell him to return but i knew that if i did that i would again suffer and feel depressed and that was not how i wanted to spend the rest of my life like.. so with the help of my family and friends even though it was extremely hard i moved on and iam soo much happier now..iam glade that i made that choice and sticked to it- i wanted my life to change and it did tremendously-
my point here is that life is way too short to be with someone who will treat you unfairly and unhappy..remember that you are worth more than that, you deserve better..even though itll be hard at first i promise you that it will pass-just give it time and you will heal..
i hope that this kinda helps a bit with your situation and also hope that everything goes well in your life as it did on mine..
take much care and remember to hold on youll smile again...=0)
i think i'm fine with both-- either wαy... something cαme over me todαy.. like:
"who cαres-- if he wαnts to stαy αnd αctuαlly wαnts to mαke α chαnge [ α reαl one thα'll be hαrd hαrd work] thαts greαt i love him we'll work it out-- but if he wαnts to go i'm down with thαt too..i love him still but i cαn't mαke him stαy.. i'll move on grow..lαter on in life i'll be reαdy for αnother relαtionship he'll love me the right wαy becαuse i won't fαll for αnother "mistαke"... or he might come bαck αnd reαlize he mαde αn error..who knows whαtever hαppens hαppens αs long αs little shαylα is sαfe, fed αnd heαlthy.. "
Hi Sarai and my heart goes out to you. Sorry I did not see this earlier. I think you have the right mind-set about if he comes back and really wants to work (and work hard) at the marriage, then have a go at it. If he does not want to come back, then it is HIS loss, not yours. He is the one who is missing out on a great wife and mother to his child. Some men are just so ********** (fill in whatever works).
Love the picture of Shayla - she is a sweetheart. What a smile! I cannot see how you could do anything more or different or better. Having gone through the post partum depression, twice, I know you have undergone some tremendous changes. But you keep working on getting better. You have it in you to do whatever your heart desires. Just look at the Gazelle and think of how dedicated you were to losing the post baby weight. You're a great Mom. You love Shayla, now love yourself enough to accept nothing but the best for you and her.
All my thoughts and prayers for you, Sarai. Hugsssssss.
Not to be overly simplistic, but nothing worth having is easy to get and what you are getting is rough. You are getting yourself back, your right to feel good, be happy, have some autonomy, be respected and set the bar for how you will be treated. It hurts to cut ties with what you are used to, even when it's good for you. Doing what's good for us is often really uncomfortable, and requires a lot of discomfort and pain (think about how hard it is for us to stick to excercising and eating right, for example!)
You made a really good decision, and you just have to walk through the debris field from the final battle and have faith. It will get better. You don't yet know what will be next, and that's a very unsettling feeling. We like to feel safe, directed and in control and when things are just an open road ahead, and what we did last was a disaster, it's hard to be positive or feel hopeful. Just hang on. This will pass and things will turn around for you.
Focus on doing one thing every day to make yourself ready for the life you want, whether it's putting $10 in a savings account, working on your appearance, organizing a social get together with your friends (so you aren't home feeling sad), reaching out to someone you need to mend fences with (NOT THE HUSBAND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!), reconnecting with your parents, organizing a closet, paying off a debt, signing up for a class, applying for a better paying job - whatever you can do. If you focus on coming up with one thing you have to do every day to move toward the life you want, you will soon forget your troubles as you'll have a positive focus, and will be moving in the right direction.
Sarai, I am sorry to hear that your going through this right now. I hope that everything works out for the best for you and your little one. That is what is most important. You do not need somebody treating you that way. About the counseling, usually recommend it. It is up to you what you think is best.
The picture of your little one smiling just think of her and how important she is in your life.
My prayers are also with you and am so happy that you have so much support here.
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