Here's the deal, I got married a month ago and this past weekend I told my wife what had happened at my bachelor party, a stripper began to give me oral during a lap dance but I stopped it after only seconds. My wife and I did not have sex since that incident because I COULD NOT risk giving her a STD and so I told her what happened. I know I broke her heart and I will never be able to forgive my self. She wants to go to marriage counseling and possibly give it a try but I'm not even sure I deserve it. How can I win back the trust of the women I love with all my heart and soul?
If she is willing to try to get past it with the help of counseling, why not go for it?
Do you think you'd do it again? A lot of men do foolish things at a bachelor party; getting caught up in the moment. You told her what happened, you got tested but are do you think this behavior would continue?
You told her the truth...which probably was not easy. You screwed up...but you were honorable after the fact. This means you DO deserve her, because you held off having sex so you wouldn't give her an STD. If you love her, and she wants to try councelling...then go to councelling. You will earn her trust back in time.
Make good proactive choices. Go to counselling, when you go out ask her if she wants to go with you, don't be secretive about anything, don't make anything wrong you do sound like you are trying to 'fluff' it off like no big deal.
I so often see guys constantly 'needing to get out' and never think maybe their wife/gf would like to go out with them. Then when they do something wrong they try and turn it back on the wife/gf.
Don't fall into those traps.
Look, it's not a mortal sin. You just got stupid at your bucks party and you won't be the first or the last guy to do that. That's what strippers at bucks' parties are employed to do -give the prospective groom a BJ.
However, what's important here is that you're consumed with guilt about something that only half happened. Is there another reason that this is so important to you? I'm not even sure that you really need to go to counselling - can't you and your wife just talk about it? (I am assuming it was a one off, and this is not something you do regularly.)
Please excuse my ignorance, and if I'm missing something, but I'm not even sure what STD you could catch from someone's mouth.... herpes? ...? (happy for someone to enlighten me)
Anyway, you've declared your love for your wife, you've apologized for being a flaming idiot, (I assume you've had an STD test) why don't you both lighten up a little and see this for what it is - a moment of impetuosity gone wrong - which should have no real bearing on the love that you have for each other.
By all means go to counselling if you feel you have to - but I wouldn't be breaking up a marriage for this. I suggest you go away somewhere private for the weekend, have a romantic dinner for two and then retire to the bedroom for some long awaited fun.
You can get some STD's from oral, gonerrhea, syphillis, herpes. This is truly all that happened. It was a combination of guilt and worry that I could possibly give her something. I love her with all my heart and want this to work
so you did not consummate your marriage? yes you were wrong....but you admitted your mistake. Go to your doc and get tested. get counseling! and never go to strip clubs again. Come to a realization that once you are married you can no longer behave like a sex starved imbecile.
nope we had not had sex, i couldn't risk that, she doesnt deserve to catch something. i can't believe i could be so stupid to risk my family over a stupid innocent. Trust me, I will NEVER go to strip club again!
nope we had not had sex, i couldn't risk that, she doesnt deserve to catch something. i can't believe i could be so stupid to risk my family over a stupid innocent. Trust me, I will NEVER go to strip club again!
I honestly think that you need to stop beating yourself up. Stop with the self flaggelation.
You've admitted what happened, poured out your grief and guilt and now it's time to move on. Let it go. Don't let this silly incident be the defining feature of the start of your marriage.
Do what you have to do, but don't hold on to it. Get on with the life that you want to create together and have some fun!
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