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Married young

Asked Jul 27, 2005, 01:20 PM — 12 Answers
I am 17 about to be 18. I am going to college this fall, and I have totally fallen in love. This is it, and we both know for a fact. She is only 16 and will be 17 in January. We know for a fact we will be together forever. WE KNOW! So we were just wondering what people think about a couple getting married, but it won't matter what the reply is we still are, but we are not getting married until she turns 18 in 2 years. I am going to college to study music and she will still back home at my old high school. Then in 2 years she is going to come to school where I am and we getting married. She has wanted to go to this school since 8th grade, and I have chosen this college for my best choice for me. So we are still going to college, but people keep saying we should wait. But, we love each other we want to be married, and people say what is the rush, well I say why wait if YOU KNOW! Her parents are strict and are like my girl is going to college and stuff, and I am like yeah of course we are and we are, but we are going to be married too. But they do not know our plans yet. Anyways I would like to here some feedback. Thanks.

12 Answers
wzartv's Avatar
wzartv Posts: 409, Reputation: 100
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#2

Jul 27, 2005, 02:44 PM
An important question... How long have you been together for?
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erichss's Avatar
erichss Posts: 36, Reputation: 5
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#3

Jul 29, 2005, 10:01 PM
I say wait until at least one of you graduates college and get job.
If you are truly meant to last, then there should be no problem until waiting until you are more financially stable.
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fredg's Avatar
fredg Posts: 5,001, Reputation: 3542
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#4

Jul 31, 2005, 11:54 AM
Married at 18
Hi,
At 18, your life is just starting.
If you get married now, you can kiss your college education goodbye.
Oh, you say you will still go to college, graduate, support a wife, probably get pregnant.
As I said, you can kiss you college education goodbye.
And, you KNOW you are in love.
Ask yourself this; have you done any research on how many times a man is in love before he is 40? Check it out.
Also, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. In your case, at 18, it really doesn't have much of a chance; just slim and none.
Think about it. If you really "are in love", and she, too; then you both will be ready to get married when you graduate from college. Afraid she won't wait for you? Then, it's not really love.
How old am I? 63, been around much, much longer than an 18 yr old!
Best of luck,
Fredg
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LOLO's Avatar
LOLO Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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#5

Aug 3, 2005, 02:41 PM
Just Wait
You think you're sure now & you're going to college, you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll change and you'll be surprised at how your relationship will change. Of all the people I went to college with that had a relationship previous to starting school, I can only think of one that maintained the relationship & married. I'm not saying it's impossible, or improbable, just give both of you a chance to see if it's truly what you want for yourselves & each other.
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kp2171's Avatar
kp2171 Posts: 5,390, Reputation: 8183
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#6

Aug 4, 2005, 11:59 AM
I dated a girl from junior year high school through college and into her 1st year med school. Seven years. And I was certain we'd marry. Thank God we didn't.

I think it is normal to feel as certain as you feel. I also think that if your commitment is true, then you can wait a few years to marry.

My roommate in college married his high school sweetheart after college and they're still married happily ten years later. He knew, also, that he would marry her... And I'm certain he does not regret waiting. He was just that much more certain after that time.

By the time they married they'd each figured out their career paths, they'd worked through some of the struggles of learning to live on their own, and they were better prepared.

Even the happiest marriage takes a lot of work. Its worth waiting sometimes to make sure.
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corey59's Avatar
corey59 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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#7

Sep 8, 2005, 04:42 PM
Marriage too young
I am personally curious how many people there are that were married in the past ten years that married young, under 21 and are still married. Of course all people in love believe it is forever. I got married when I was 19 and my parents tried to tell me I was too young, Well, we knew were going to be together forever because WE WERE REALLY IN LOVE. Well, 2 kids and 14 years later we divorced my son now wants to get married before he even turns 19. Of course I don't understand he is REALLY IN LOVE. THIS IS FOR REAL AND FOR EVER. Well I want to know how many forevers are out there or even how many have made it through one decade.
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fredg's Avatar
fredg Posts: 5,001, Reputation: 3542
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#8

Sep 9, 2005, 04:02 AM
Marriage
Hi,
Been divorced once, after 7 yrs, then remarried.....been 29 yrs now!
Married first time at 24 yrs old, second time was 33 yrs old.
I know people who are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
If each person treats the other with respect, shows love, and only shows affection for their spouse (not "running around" or having affairs, or even looking), marriage has a really good chance.
It's very sad, that in the last 20 yrs, the divorce rate is now 50%, at least.
At least half of all marriages now end in divorce. So, with that in mind, what is the prediction for teens staying married? Slim and none; with the reason being that teens haven't really even started "real world living experiences" yet.
Another sad statistic: 40% of all girls in America will be pregnant before they are 20 yrs old! Marriage has less and less of a chance, as time goes by.
Best wishes,
Fredg
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s_cianci's Avatar
s_cianci Posts: 5,481, Reputation: 4046
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#9

Sep 11, 2005, 05:46 PM
If you truly believe that you love one another and feel that you want to be married, then more power to you. Just understand that it is extremely difficult for a young couple to make ends meet financially as your educations and work experience and consequently your earning power will be quite limited during the early years of your marriage. It is a well-established fact that finances are the number one cause of fights between spouses. You may have to make many sacrifices that, during your childhoods, would have been unheard of (no cable TV , no cell phones, no Friday nights at the movies, etc.) Are you prepared to do without such things that, up until now you've probably taken for granted? Keep in mind that as a married couple you'll be legally emancipated, regardless of your ages, so you'll no longer be eligible to have your parents provide such things for you as auto and health insurance. You'll have to provide these for yourselves and they can be quite expensive for a young married couple attending school. If any children come along, this will compound your problems exponentially and will most likely force one or both of you to quit school and work full-time at a job requring minimal qualifications and consequently providing minimal compensation. You'll likely spend your whole working lives always lagging behind and never realizing your full professional and earning potentials.
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Meb's Avatar
Meb Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
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#10

Sep 24, 2005, 08:18 PM
It's possible
There are a few things that you need to consider first, and since you are wanting to wait a few years anyway, you have time to consider them.

1) How will you pay for both of you to go to college? Do you have a significant amount in savings?

2) Are you sure that you want to be with her forever? I know you already said you did but have you thought and processed the fact that she will be the only one you kiss, the only one you sleep with, the only one you're affectionate with and date.

3) Have you discussed your desired futures in details. Kids, jobs, where you want to be in life? Some people put a high value in being wealthy, others don't. Things like that. There is a book, "1000 questions you should ask before getting married." My fiancˇ and I went through every single one. Check it out.

The biggest thing is if you want to do this to have a very clear and defined plan. All the way down to the costs of insuring you both.

I told you that I am planning on getting married young too, but I know it wouldn't be possible without having a good deal in savings, knowing exactly what we both want and how we're going to support ourselves, praying about it, and really knowing that my fiancˇ is the only one that I want to be with.

Good luck to you both.
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