My question is simple, can a control freak let go of the control?

I've been married for 5 months to a belitting control freak. I'm seldom allowed time to see my own friends, and when I go out in public she has to come with me. When she does let me go out, I get the following as an example.

Two weeks ago while watching the Giants game on TV, my wife (who was out with her friends) became aggitated that I did not leave immediately after the game was over and come home. Granted it was a Sunday night game and it didn't end till 10:15, but I have a history of canceling on him last minute due to temper tantrums on her part. Being told I didn't love her, we don't spend enough time together, etc., until I cave and cancel.

By the time I got home (around 11) I was told that I was more interested in spending time with my "boyfriend" than her. Shortly after she called me an @$$hole, said I was useless, and locked herself in the bathroom. I explained that my friend's 1 year old son was undergoing surgery the next day and we spent some time after the game talking about it. Even if it's a routine surgery, it's still his kid you know? Her response was, "well that's his problem, not yours."

When these sort of incedents come up, I usually cave to be the peacemaker, but I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect, I know that, but I don't drink, smoke, cheat, do drugs or any of the nasty stuff that I could be doing. I'd like the relationship to work, but I can't live the next 50 years of my life with this. Anyone else in (or was in) the same boat? Thanks!

wasaya

And I thought mu husband was bad...Apparently he isn't the only one doing what is wrong in the marriage..He controls my activity time,work,sleep,watching t.v time,everything I do is wrong or something...There are time when I wanna juss leave him...But I stay for the kid's sake..We have an 11yr old dotter...And I tried to leave before x-mas...but all she did was cry for him...When I was trying to pack our things...We ended up staying ...He doesn't let me work anymore cuz he says guys are looking at me For what,I say to him....Why are they staring at me for? Sometimes I think i'm in a prison....

l12

I'm sooo sorry you have do deal with that. I have a very controlling Husband and after 20 years, I'm finally standing up to him........with arguments, no less, but it doesn't bother me as bad, it still bothers me and makes me want to move on, but I do love and have alot invested in the relationship. But, I'm finally being an adult and making my own decisions, as you should. Every couple should have outside friends, to me, it helps bring newness into the house...I wish my husband would not depend on me being the center of his world. You have to be your own person and experience life without someone holding you back......You've only done this for 5 months, dude. I did it 20 years. Hang in there and be strong...........especially if you're just being you and not hurting anyone else, but helping out your friends by being there for them. If she really, really loves u....She'll understand.

Guest

I'm in the same boat dude - love my wife to bits, but she is incredibly controlling. For the first year of our marriage, it made me ill - just going out for a drink with friends caused mayhem - I just put up with it and gradually lost my friends because she thought they were taking me away from her and going out for a drink led to days of constant hastle beforehand (I am talking going to the pub once or twice a month here). I started to get high blood pressure and really painful stomach issues because I had never had to deal with this stress before. I needed to do something about it or wind up in the coronary care unit...
I haven't solved the issue yet - but I understand more about her background (she lost someone close to her in an accident) now, and I simply do not put up with the controlling aspect. I challenge her now about her nagging. If she turns the TV over when I am watching something I challenge her about it. If I want to go out for a swim and she has an issue with it, I challenge her. If she freaks out at me for "looking at someone else" I challenge her not to look at other people. It means we have bitter rows, our love-life sucks and she scares the hell out me me sometimes, but I'm starting to draw a line in the sand, I'm taking up a new hobby, trying to make some new friends away from the marriage and I'm encouraging her to pursue her hobbies...It's hard, but things are very slowly improving - she's not always aware of her behaviour (autopilot), so you must communicate in the best way you can and challenge that controlling behaviour - it's dysfunctional, ingrained insecurity and fear and you must believe that if she had married someone else they too would have to cope with it...

N0help4u

I have know girls like this and it only gets worse. She should be thankful that you are not a drunken drug addict and sneaking around with other women. She is a control freak in that she wants to dictate your life to revolve around her. She is self centered, insecure and hasn't got a clue on how a real relationship should work.
You have already been to counseling so NO I would say she will NOT change. She does not see herself as the problem so why should she. She wants what she wants at any cost and eventually when you realize how she is enough it will cost her her marriage.

I think you can do one of these
Stand up to her and tell her you are going with your 'boyfriend' when you want and sorry she married an @$$hole but that is just the way it is
0R
Tell her that she is no longer to have friends or time outside of you if you can't have your time.