I have been married almost 6 years. I have 2 children w/ this man and we have developed a pretty good life together. He's a good guy, although we are missing something very important from our marriage....emotional intimacy!
Along with this I have never gotten over someone from my past. I knew I still loved this other man the day I got married. Problem is that he moved away and we never took the chance to try it together. I have recently contacted this other man and he says he too still has feelings for me. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks that we have been talking (txt messaging...)

I think he would want to try it again with me someday, but he has said that he doesnt want to be the root of breaking up my family. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lost in ex-love,

Marie

Fr_Chuck

You are in love with a memory of what something might have been, it can not be like you remember.

dont ever contact this person again, period, throw his number away, erase his email address, and get you and your husband into marriage couseling.

talaniman

Lack of emotional intimacy,whatever that is, caused you to call a guy you haven't seen in years and never got over. I think your trying to justify your actions and blame your poor hard working good guy who is giving you a good life, for your own short comings. What does he say when you ask him for emotional intimacy? What is emotional intimacy? Please talk to your husband and get help before you do something stupid!

phillysteakandcheese

This is exactly it. You are clinging to a memory in hopes of making yourself feel better.

Let's pretend you dump your family and run off with this ex... Do you think you'll be a different person? Will he be "so much better" that your life changes enough to compensate for the hurt you caused your family?

Be honest and realistic.

I would bet that you have probably done very little to make your relationship more "emotionally intimate".

Talk to your husband. Be the instigator of happiness in your life.
Try turning the dreams and fantasy you imagine into something tangible and fulfilling with your family.

fredg

Hi, Marie,
Having been married now 29 yrs, (1st marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs.), I can see how very wonderful married life is; to a wonderful woman.
If you lose the compromise, trust, love, and wanting your partner to be happy, then you will lose your marriage.
It's up to you; with two options.
You can keep communicating with this other man, and "try him out".
Or, stop all communications with this "infatuation".
It's your choice. Keep playing with fire, and your marriage will be over!
I do wish you the best, and do wonder why you asked this question. You know where it's leading. But, sometimes we do need others opinions as confirmation of our own feelings. Good luck.

bdevine

He's an ex for a reason.

kp2171

let me start this by saying i am absolutely in love with my wife. i have a great marriage, and ill bet it all that we make it all the way.

the person that i was most intimately charged about was not my wife. the girl i dated before her got to me in a fundamental way that nobody before or after has ever quite met. i cannot explain it. i wont apologize for it. it just is that way.

now. my situation is different because we do have emotional intimacy. our marriage would not be as strong without it. i dont feel there is anything fundamentally missing, though i do wish there were some connections there that we dont have. its mostly just that her nature is different... shes a different person... and the other girl was more on my wavelength in some areas.

so... i dont think its fair to compare people... the emotions i felt in my first serious relationship were different in part because i was a different person.

so i dont know what to tell you. you might truly have a better connection to your ex. but that connection wasnt enough to sustain the marriage, irregardless of living apart or not. if you are considering being together now... why in the world didnt you do it then? when you were married???

unless you are unhappy and unfulfilled i think its wrong to leave your husband for a ghost of the past. but you are texting the person, so maybe you are already leaving your husband emotionally.

i guess the best thing to say is dont live a lie, but dont create a lie from half truths of the past.

Lungie

although this has not happened to me in a marriage situation, I did however leave my then boyfriend for an ex, I was in love with what we did have, and we both left current partners in hopes of re finding what we had, IT DID NOT WORK it was in the past for a reason, I have now happily moved on and look back and think we had both changed from what we where when the relationship was original, you can not change the past and you can not turn back the clock, leave the past in the past and look back and smile but deal with your current issues separately do not mix them up together....

Krs

I mean he is quite a man if he said he doesnt want to be the root of breaking up your family....
I mean if you do - than theres a HUGE problem....

s_cianci

You're married so other men are off limits. He's wise to say that he doesn't want to be responsible for breaking up your family. That is exactly what you'd be doing ; tearing your kids away from their father and consequently putting them through an emotional hell, all to pursue an old love interest from yeas ago. In time your kids would come to hate you for depriving them of their father and you have no right to do this. Sounds like a bad deal to me. If he's also married then that'd be even worse as two families would be being destroyed. We all tend to think that the grass looks greener on the other side of the street but that's rarely if ever actually the case.