I have been married almost 6 years. I have 2 children w/ this man and we have developed a pretty good life together. He's a good guy, although we are missing something very important from our marriage....emotional intimacy!
Along with this I have never gotten over someone from my past. I knew I still loved this other man the day I got married. Problem is that he moved away and we never took the chance to try it together. I have recently contacted this other man and he says he too still has feelings for me. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks that we have been talking (txt messaging...)

I think he would want to try it again with me someday, but he has said that he doesnt want to be the root of breaking up my family. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lost in ex-love,

Marie

caliza

Well Marie,

Confused about all the above answers,
Well I too am in the same confusion, in my case my ex is married, but still keep contacting him through mail.

If you are really serious then think over these:

1. Are you ready to leave and hurt your hubby

2. Are your ready to snatch and share your kids love among parents??? (What if your parents would have done this with you??)

If you have no plans to leave your hubby but just want to sail in two boats then think a while, wound of heart has no healing.

After reading many of the answers I removed my ex mail id from my contacts and have decided not to mail him, coz the pain which my ex has given me in the past should not be given to my hubby as my hubby is a gem.

Thanks every one for your suggestions. Today my eyes are open. Thank God. Past is past we can never change past into present.

jennyrena

message to all who might read this in the future. it is one thing to have ups & downs in your marriage , but to step outside of it does not help you to grow better together. so if you truthfully are hoping to make it work with your partner, then you would and that's the bottom line and the period at the end is that if you cheat on your spouse you are also cheating on your kids.think about that when your laying , talking , or texting them. think about what you are doing to their mom or dad and how they would feel about that knowing that we are suppose to protect them from the bad and sad of this world. there is no lust or money worth letting your kids down.

talaniman

Just to add, if your still in love with someone else, don't get married! Resolve the old, before jumping into the new, with all that baggage.Thats only fair.

kelly514

You made a solemn vow to forsake all others and to stand by your husband through the worst and the best....that's the meaning of marriage.....why tie the knot and have 2 kids if you don't care for it???......after 6 years, if your heart is wondering, it is probably out of the excitement that comes with "what might happen", there's a saying for that : the grass always looks greener on the other side......until you get there......and you have 2 kids, would you actually want to put them through hell just for what might happen?.....so think it over..........and look at both sides before making a decision.....good luck...

Guest

dont feel bad unless youve done more than text
i too am in similar situation but i have 0 kids
ive been married 4 years there is no emotional intamency here either
i have talked to my husband and he says thats too mushy he aint into that and never will be
so yea i have constant dreams of my ex which i was with 7 years and he was my first love and first everything . i havent talked or seen this guy in 2 years but i dream of him constantly i dont think ill ever truely get over him .
yes there were reasons we didnt make it but my parents were the main reason
they hated him and i was living there at the time and was a teen so i didnt have alot of choices . oh well i havent cheated and wont im married so i will look but never touch
but just dont think bad of yourself unless you have done more than text .

sylvan_1998

Okay....I too can relate to all those that are in similar situations and I have been working on this tooo. I think the answer is in familiarity. Boredom. Stagnation.

Cheers to all of you all that have great marriages with out the above baggage.

It takes two to remove the boredom and stagnation and to add imagination which alleviates the familiarity. But if you and your husband are not in the same frame of mind, this usually only leaves one looking to change.

Thirteen years and 2 children later I am in the same boat. The only difference is my husband and I will stay in this marriage, no matter how miserable, until the end. Just the way we are. So, I am insisting we go to marriage counseling with a counselor/sextherapist. The addage dont fix what aint broke is sorta true, but if you tune it up once in awhile, it may never break at all!!!!!

I do not know what I will do about my email fantasy ex. Right now, he is not talking to me...so maybe nothing to worry about. But knowing him and interacting afar with him makes me strive to make my marriage so much better until I just dont need him anymore.

Dont worry. Sounds like there are many more people feeling what you are feeling so we understand and sympathize. But realize many of these answers are all hinting at the same thing. If you want to be happy in your marriage, you need to fill those needs within your home. Going outside will only make you miserable.

magic marker

Dear Marie

I am like you, though I have no children and I have only recently been married - we're about to hit the four month mark. I am deeply upset, because I wish I hadn't eloped with him. I wish I was still single, so I could pursue the love of my life, who I left in a distant country three years ago.

My ex and I used to do everything together. He knows all my family. I could not hold him in higher esteem as a man and as a friend. We have recently started emailing.

I feel so isolated, because my family are all in different countries and they have not yet met my husband. They have seen pictures, and they know of him, but we were only dating for a few months when we eloped. I don't know why I was so silly!!!

I guess when I eloped I thought that since there was no chance with my ex, that any man would do.

My husband is a good man, he loves me, but he can not understand me. I am very different to him. He complains about his job all the time, even though I know he has great passion for what he does. I don't know why I should be a sounding board for his negativity.

He expects me to clean and pay half of our bills, and do his laundry. I have a professional degree and I work fulltime. I expect him to carry his weight with household chores. I hate doing everything.

I had never lived with a man before my husband. I didn't know it would be so unblissful and so soul-destroying. I was not made to be a maid.

Also, I find it hard to lust after my husband. He has a tummy that has been growing and his conversation is so boring. He's not interesting and he doesn't read anything. He doesn't like to run on the beach or anywhere, or do anything. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch the television.

In the last four months I have not seen my friends as often and I usually did, and I have not been out doing anything fun really. He's so limiting.

I am 25, soon to be 26 and I don't know if I should stay with a good man, or seek a divorce or annulment so I can pursue someone who may be nothing but a fantasy.