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jesnkidz · Apr 29, 2008, 09:15 PM

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have 2 beautiful children togeter we are only 25.
I love my husband with all my heart but I don't think he loves me the same.
He goes to work full time and then comes home and goes straight into the garage and on the weekends he is hanging out with buddy, in the garage or at his mom and dads house helping them. He can never spend time with his family here, his kids importantly.
Also, when he gets into a bad mood at work he takes it out on us and when the kids try to sit next to him or give him love he pushes them away and tells them to go to there rooms.
I can't even go out once a month to my BUNCO game because when I get home, they are not fed, not have been changed, in bed all night, or gotten into something and gotten introuble for it, he doesn't watch them.
What do I do, I told him we need counceling but he refuses to go,I tried talking to him and he ignores me, now my 4 year old daughter is being rebilious and a bad child, her pre-school therphis said it is family problems and I know it is her father not showing her love and attention. What do I do and how can I get him to love us and show us attention before I divorse him??

Fr_Chuck · Apr 29, 2008, 09:24 PM

Time to stop asking and start demanding, tell him when family things are happening, and to be honest a few nights on the couch may make him take notice.

And when he is home, make him help with the kids, he can have nights to cook, or put one child to bed one night and the other the next.

Alty · Apr 29, 2008, 09:32 PM

I agree with Fr_Chuck, it's time to stop being nice and demand that he shape up. Don't ask to go out, when he comes home tell him that you are going out for a while, don't wait for an answer, just go, he's got to learn to be a parent and a husband.

Put up a schedule that clearly states when it's his night to cook or bathe the kids. Next time he goes to his mom and dads, say "great, take the kids with you, they'd love to see gradma and grandpa" don't take no for an answer. If all this doesn't work then a few nights on the couch or a few night sleeping in his car might work.

Good Luck.

igman · May 23, 2008, 03:34 PM

I think you should go to counseling yourself and , yes, have him be responsible although be prepared to have that make him resentful. I have found that sometimes things will get worse before they get better.

Sissy0514 · May 24, 2008, 07:48 AM

I was you 12 years ago and please believe me when I say either he gets the help your marriage needs or you need to move on. My oldest daughter has all kinds of issues from not getting the attention from her father granted not all of her problems are because of him but it's a big problem. It is also very hard on you to do all the work in relationship. Ask yourself is it worth it?

JBeaucaire · May 24, 2008, 08:30 AM

Next time he's in a good mood, give him a big hug, kiss him passionately, then tell him his family misses him. Like a puppy in training, seek out the moments he says good things or is helpful and praise him for that. Get the kids to do the same. He needs some positive reinforcement.

His mom and dad need to roped in to help, and the buddy as well. They all want him to have a successful life. Get them to start saying encouraging and praiseworthy things to him about his family and how awesome you all are and how much they are impressed by the job he's done so far...

You get the idea. You are going to need to affect his thinking. He's a real man's man, so he's not going to get better with girly manipulations like "don't you love us/me?" or "why this...why that..." He needs some manly motivations, and praise goes a long way in that area... like it does for a puppy.

5 years is a hard time, too. These were the most difficult years in my marriage. We forbid ourselves to give up and got through it to the awesome years that came after. It's worth it, and we did PROMISE we would keep trying that day at the altar.

talaniman · May 25, 2008, 03:32 PM

It is time to be more proactive, but first take a break, and leave him to think about life with out you, while you let the emotional dust settle, and plan your next action. A week of No Contact, at your moms, for a visit maybe in order.

caligirl007 · May 2, 2009, 12:52 AM

I agree he needs to be trained, but there seems to be more happening here... he is not happy in his role as husband and father and may need a break... 25 years old and he sounds depressed and you need to take over for a while and not depend on him until he is dependable which again he will have to be trained but I don't think he will go for that so you need to just do your thing right now and see if there is a good time to talk openly with him, if not tell him to take a break and see if he misses you and the kids... if he does he will come back, if he doesn't, then he is way to immature and not ready for all of this... get on birth control girl for now and even though it is not fair you have to do this alone right now, be thankful you can do this, suck it up, take care of yourself and the kids and set him free but don't divorce him or kick him out, just set him free for a while... he will be back

JBeaucaire · May 2, 2009, 07:40 AM

Originally Posted by caligirl007

25 years old....

26 now, this thread is VERY old, caligirl. Watch those dates!