I have been married for about 7 years and It's is sucking the life out of me. My husband is neglectful unless it suits his purpose and his family is always in our business and my husband allows it and lies to me about it and everything else for that matter. It's almost like he has a habitual lying problem and I never know when he's telling the truth in his conversations. Half the time it seems like made up stories because he can't focus long enough to have a normal conversation.

Everything is about him and his job and his money. He treats my 16 year old like crap and if we didn't have 22 month old I would be out of here. This has never been a nurturing relationship just very dysfunctional as my husband will not deal with anything. Not our fights, not his family, not life he doesn't live in the real world and the only thing he focuses on his is work it's like an addicition but he complains about it all the time... Actually, he complains about everything and everyone, it's always something. We never go anywhere or do anything and when we use to, it was always a fight. He would pick on my son or sayt rude things that were so inappropriate just to get a rise out of my son or myself and he would just be so BORING! I take the kids just so I can have some fun.

We have been to the beach so many times and it is so dull, not romantic on any level not even when we are alone and I find myself doing things alone or just with the kids. It's like this marriage was just out of shear want to have something he didn't have at the time he didn't intend to commit or really want a "relationship" What's the point, I really want to leave but I don't know about dissrupting the life of my kids but I am miserable! I find that I don't really like to even come home from work except to see my kids.

I'm so confused and here's the turning point. Lately I have found myself attracted to someone at work, someone I wouldn't normally find myself attracted to probably and for awhile I have been dismissing it and saying "he's a nice guy" but I find I want to be around him more but I feel so insecure as I am overweight by 40 lbs. from having my youngest son. There are little things he does that some times makes me glimpse that there is an attraction but then it's gone and I don't see it again for awhile. Maybe I'm just vulnerable and making something out of nothing hoping that I can still feel something because I feel so dead.

I'm so confused because I just want the "relationship/friendshp" of a man I can talk to, have fun and something in common with and enjoy his company those are the things that attract me these days. Help I just don't know what to do and my feelings for this person seem to keep growing but from where, am I reading too much into it or do you think he could be attracted to me and is sending signals but on a real low key due to his job and marital status so he keeps it under the radar or am I just creating this whole thing in my head because my marriage is lacking all the important ingredients... HELP!

First off, when someone is dissatisfied at home ( such as you) it is easy to have a straying eye. Meaning, because your marriage sucks right now, you are looking for someone that is nothing like your husband is. It's normal to feel that way BUT it is important that you don't act on it.

If you really want to save your marriage, I suggest you talk to your husband. Sit down and have a VERY important conversation. Let him know how you feel, what he does to you and your son, how he acts around you. Maybe once he sees the light he will change. If he doesn't want to listen or won't change, a marriage counselor may be in order. Marriage counselors are great and have helped many couples. They help bring out feelings that you might have known were even there. Maybe even bring out his deep down feelings. They can also help restore intimacy (which I'm guessing hasn't been happening).

Third, if you want to put a scare in him when he won't listen, just pack up and leave... temporarily that is. But make sure he thinks it's for real. He will call begging you to come back and make sure it's on your terms.

Regardless of what you decide to do, he has to know that you are extremely serious in what you are saying or doing. Try to set aside time to be together, alone. Try to rekindle what you once had by going out to dinner once a week by yourselves or maybe just getting away for a romantic ski weekend just the two of you.

I guess that is why I feel so frustrated. I have spent so much time talking trying to explain but he doesn't really get it maybe just for a little while. Then it's back to the old song and dance. We did marriage counseling for 8 months and he would go in and tell the counselor that he understood and agreed with everything I had to say but still nothing changed. I tried date night but when we would go out, it was always to dinner and he would talk the entire time about work. I would try to intervene and talk about something else then we wouldn't be interested. I have given up and just tell myself it is what it is, but this thing with this guy at work, I keep trying to tell myself it's me, there's nothing there. But I feel weird. I find myself feeling funny about certain comments I make that I would say to most any guy. My friend says there is chemistry there but I'm just not really sure, nor am I looking but it does feel good to think someone may think I'm attractive or funny. Just to sit down and talk to him about work just makes my day. I catch little glimpes but don't know if I am making more out of it because I am vulnerable but give it every effort to not let on I feel something. I just think about him a lot, I guess I'm yearning for more in my life. I guess I feel if there was anything left in my marriage to salvage I wouldn't probably think twice but I feel so dead, alone and neglected so I guess it is nice to think someone thinks I'm special. I don't know I'm just really confused. Should I approach this guy and get it out in the open or just leave it as it stands and see what happens?

I don't think you should approach this guy. Especially since you are still married. And I remember you saying something about his marital status so I'm guessing he's married too. Wait until you are separated or divorced before you approach him. Also, when you move out and leave him... if that's what you decide, I don't think you should jump right into another relationship for the sake of the children. Let them get used to living that way first. With your husband, it doesn't sound as if it's going to last, he appears to be too stubborn.

It's not so much he's stubborn but selfish. I don't intend to approach this person, it's just a feeling that I know I should keep to myself. I just was trying to figure out if I was reading more into this or if it was just me being vulnerable, which I would say would be the case for the most part. I mean at times you can feel the chemistry and I had a friend I work with mention it to me the other day and I guess the fact that she pointed it out really got me thinking about it. It's not obvious but I guess she sees that we have some kind of connection when we are working together. Anyway, thanks for your input. I guess maybe it feels good to think someone actually sees you if you know what I mean.

I do know what you mean. After all those years of being on the back burner it feels to good to have someone make you smile and laugh the way you always should have. Maybe there is something with you and this person, then again maybe there isn't. The important thing is don't let yourself get taken advantage of. I don't know if he is the type of guy that would do that but still, watch your back. And make sure things are definitely over with you and your husband before you jump into anything or make any rash decisions.

I think you are right that is all it is. He is married so I would never go there anyway, I just think there is a little chemistry, he builds me up and puts so much faith in my working abilities and my friend said she noticed a couple of looks he gave me when he didn't think anyone was looking but of course that doesn't mean he wants to cross the line either, it's just chemistry and I feel it. I don't know if he does sometimes I think I'm making more of this than what it is, maybe I just in hope that I still have the ability to be attractive. It's just nice that someone appreciates me for me. Thanks for the communication. By the way what part of Indiana do you live in? I use to live in Muncie.