I am new to this. Ive never come on line to ask for advice, but i feel i have no where else to go.

A brief summary.
My husband and i have been married for 4 years now. We dated for another 3 years before we got married. Im 29 and he is 31.
All started off nice and sweet, i mean sometimes its still the same and have good evenings together, good chats and yes good sex!

Sometimes i find he get quite miserable, when i ask whats wrong he says nothing, so i leave him to it and dont annoy him to get an answer.

Recently we have been planning a trip to meet with some of our friends, so i have been planning an agenda etc.
When i tell him he says "well, ok, i dont see why not" or "its ok, i guess"
Just showing no interest whatsoever. But its not only regarding this trip where is acting this way, most times its in general!
He is bringing me down.. i love him, so much. But i want a fun loving happy man. Dont get me wrong again, please, i know he cant be happy all the time, i mean nor am i, but his lack of interest is becoming to frequent that its actually scaring me.

HELP ME.

Krs

How often is he like this?

moyra

Could he be worried about something, maybe any money worries or trouble at work? I know this may sound silly but have you tried asking him whats wrong? Is his lack of interest just at home or is he like this in other areas of his life? I could maybe help you more when you have time to answer these questions, thanks.

talaniman

Are you sure his lack of interest, is only his reserved personality? Are you expecting more enthusiasm from him? Are you an emotional female and need more emotion from him? Maybe your at that point in your marriage where the perfectness is wearing off, and the reality of life with another, is setting in. Understand, as much as you think you know some one, in time you find out more. Accepting people for who they are, is essential to growing in a marraige, and it takes decades to see and understand how people work and react. Be patient, unless there is a major problem, there will be a lot to work thru as you both grow and develope. Its a long ongoing process. Just ask my wife, she is still trying to housebreak me after more than 30 years.

NotSure

I have asked him whats wrong but as i said b4, he says nothing so i leave him to it,dont wanna annoy him!
I kinda had a word with him yest and asked how come he shows no entushiasm about the plans im making and he says well ill be excited when we there!!! suppose its fair enough? What d'yall think?

We are also financially rather broke. We get paid, pay off bills and have NO money for us to enjoy
IT SUCKS

NotSure

What do u mean house break you?

NotSure

Sometimes not all the time

Sentra

Don't get me wrong, but there is a possibility that this is a small part of the 'problem' you are seeking advice for. You are being very efficient by doing all of this planning for a getaway that might perk up your marriage (and him) for a bit, but this takes money. Is there any set aside for it, seperate from your bills? Then again, it is the holidays, many people get solemn and down despite all of the festive mood surrounding them, with the cookies, and mistletoe, etc.

ordinaryguy

The late twenties/early thirties is a period of major reassessment and adjustment for nearly everybody. It's the transition from youth to mature adulthood, and it's hardly ever a perfectly smooth transition. I know, the societal fiction is that you become an adult at 21, but ask anybody who's 35 or older, and ten to one they'll tell you they weren't fully mature until after 30 (sometimes well after).

Your husband has a lot going on internally right now that he apparently isn't ready to share with you yet. Give him the space and time to deal with it without getting in his face too much. He sounds mildly depressed, but unless he's willing to seek help on his own, pushing him to do it might be counterproductive. Besides, you have your own internal adjustments and reassessments to make. Pace yourself, because the next three or four years will see some decisions made and patterns set that will be with you for a good long time. Part of the reason this transition point is so difficult is that by the late twenties, most of us manage to convince ourselves that we have it all figured out and are set on a clear life path, so it comes as a shock that a lot of what we thought we knew is at least open to question, and some of it usually turns out to be dead wrong. Don't panic, just persevere. You do eventually work your way through it, but there's no way to predict where you'll come out.

talaniman

Welcome to the reality of life. Be patient. I honestly don't see this as a big problem. Do you think your expectations of your mate's responses are a bit high?