I am new to this. Ive never come on line to ask for advice, but i feel i have no where else to go.

A brief summary.
My husband and i have been married for 4 years now. We dated for another 3 years before we got married. Im 29 and he is 31.
All started off nice and sweet, i mean sometimes its still the same and have good evenings together, good chats and yes good sex!

Sometimes i find he get quite miserable, when i ask whats wrong he says nothing, so i leave him to it and dont annoy him to get an answer.

Recently we have been planning a trip to meet with some of our friends, so i have been planning an agenda etc.
When i tell him he says "well, ok, i dont see why not" or "its ok, i guess"
Just showing no interest whatsoever. But its not only regarding this trip where is acting this way, most times its in general!
He is bringing me down.. i love him, so much. But i want a fun loving happy man. Dont get me wrong again, please, i know he cant be happy all the time, i mean nor am i, but his lack of interest is becoming to frequent that its actually scaring me.

HELP ME.

talaniman

Couldn't rep you OG, but you sure hit the nail on the head.

jenni9

I know that the stresses of money can be a big problem. Before my husband and I married, I was in debt really bad, but made it a mission to get out. I took a second job waitressing 3 nights a week for about a year and got myself back on track. IT's made all the difference in the world on my outlook in life. Then again, I was able to do it because I didn't have kids, so I don't know your situation. Ask him point-blank if it's the money situation that bothers him, tell him it bothers you, too and work on a plan together to set a goal financially. I don't know if what I told you was the "right thing" but it's what I would do to start to give it my best shot in this situation.

valinors_sorrow

If he is depressed, be on his side in your mind as this is an illness, not a choice. Then make that alliance clear to him in your tone and actions. Be in it together with a common enemy. It can be far too easy to see him as the problem instead of the depression. If it gets worst, it may be necessary to talk to him (in nonaccusatory language) about how he doesn't seem himself lately and ask if he is aware of this. Really listen to what he answers. Be gentle. Reiterate to him that you don't think it is his fault since you are aware that depression can strike anyone and be pretty serious, if left untreated. See how he responds to that. Emphasize the "not his fault" part again. Gently focus on seeking some help for it. Offer to help him find appropriate help and see what he says.

I once had a friend who knew I have psychiatric problems periodically (I have ptsd) and he asked if we could talk about depression. I said "sure, what do you want to know?" He asked "well, can't you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps?" And I thought for a minute and asked Pat if he could picture falling and uh uh OMG.. no bootstraps!! I could see the awareness light up in his face. He said you're kidding and I said nope, that is exactly how it is. Until it happens to you, its hard to imagine and to those its happening to for the first time, they may be very confused about it too.

I hope this helps in some way.

talaniman

Whatever you feel now give it time, don't push and try to solve all your problems in a day. Go slow and be patient.