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    brighteyes79's Avatar
    brighteyes79 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 25, 2007, 04:59 PM
    My marriage
    Me and my husband have been married for 2 years and I love him with all my heart and want things to work out with us. I am 6 months pregnant and can't get my husband to help me . He owns his own buissness and works from home. He's on the computer and the phone all day from the moment he wakes up till 12 midnight sometimes till 2am. He won't talk to me or spend anytime with me. He says its all my fault because I'm always ing. I know I'm not inocent in this marriage. I do a lot of heavy lifting and really need his help sometimes more than others. I don't feel like he really loves me anymore or wants to be with me he says he does. But on a daily basis he says I'm worthless, stupid, dumb,iddiote,he has said knowone whould ever want me. He says he can't stand me. Lazy and lots more. I'm not inocent because I find myself saying something mean back to him when he says something mean to me not every time but I have And when I cry he says feel sorry for me, or pitty party for me when I'm crying because he hurts my feelings when he cutes me down. It breaks my heart I really don't know what to do about it any more. The cause from all this is just because I need his time his love his attention. HIS HELP with the other kids and the house work heck its even up to me to do the yard work and by the time I'm done with the house work I'm to tired to go out and do the yard. I guess when I get mad because I want him that's called ing. The only time he really wants to spend time in bed is when he wants some. Help me
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #2

    Jul 25, 2007, 05:18 PM
    Sadly, I do not think you are going to get your husband to help you. Now or ever. Why stay with someone who constantly demeans you, calls you names, insults you, knows you are carrying a child and yet still will not help you out? Did he always do this to you? Even when you were dating? Did he always refer to you as less than him, worthless, lazy, etc. If not, what do you think caused the changes?

    Did he always have his business at home and sit on the computer all day and night? Does he have any friends? What does he do in his spare time? Or does he just sit there in front of the computer?

    Now I am not saying this marriage cannot be saved but it does take the two of you to want to save it and be willing to work on saving it. Can you talk to him and say that you feel that the marriage is not working anymore and you think that counseling is a good idea? He might come back at you and say it is all your fault and none of his. So you have to decide to get some help for yourself.

    The decision to leave or stay has to come from you. Is it worth staying for? How long are you going to put up with his abuse? You mentioned other kids - those kids see that too and are learning that it is okay for a man to treat a woman like that. They are learning that the woman is basically nothing of value. Nothing positive, is it?

    You do not have to tolerate his abuse. But I cannot make you leave or make you stay. You try to assert yourself with him but you say that it comes out mean sounding. When you get that frustrated with him, yes it will come out that way. If you can learn not to respond in the same manner as him - it takes away his fuel to come back on you. Although, honestly, this guy needs nothing to start in on you, from the sounds of it.

    Is there a women's shelter where you live or an women's abuse resource center or a safe haven type place for women? Find out. Call them or go there. Ask for help. Help is out there. Maybe one of the times you are out grocery shopiing, you can drive there - at least get information. Information that can save the life of you and your children.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #3

    Jul 26, 2007, 03:38 AM
    Abuse does not mean he hits you. Name calling is verbal abuse. It is demeaning, attacks your character, and is designed to make nothing out of you. That is also emotional and psychological abuse. Like I said, abuse does not have to be physical. Often the scars from verbal/psychological abuse just do not heal.

    But you have to decide here. Not me. If you think you can tolerate this, then stay and try to work through what is going on. But I do not know how you can, seeing as he does not have an interest in making this marriage healthy.
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #4

    Jul 26, 2007, 04:40 AM
    Something fishy here. The original question is from brighteyes79, but pitbulls answers shy's response. Pitbull has another post asking "How can I get my wife to trust me?" Are brighteyes and pitbulls married, and he's answering for her, or what?
    brighteyes79's Avatar
    brighteyes79 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 26, 2007, 11:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
    Something fishy here. The original question is from brighteyes79, but pitbulls answers shy's response. Pitbull has another post asking "How can I get my wife to trust me?" Are brighteyes and pitbulls married, and he's answering for her, or what?
    Yes pitbull is my husband he wanted to write about what I do to make him the way he is with me no he did not answer for me I did'nt realize he was still logged in when I wrote the quote. That's why it was under his.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #6

    Jul 28, 2007, 10:25 AM
    You two both need counseling. Hope you get it.
    RubyPitbull's Avatar
    RubyPitbull Posts: 3,575, Reputation: 648
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    #7

    Jul 28, 2007, 02:19 PM
    Good catch OG! I never read this post. Brighteyes, in case you didn't read your husband's post and the responses he has received, you should. This was my response to him prior to realizing that you posted as well. My response to him applies to you as well. The fact that you both have completely different outlooks as to what exactly is going on in your marriage is an indication that your marriage is in some serious trouble. This was my response to him:
    Quote Originally Posted by RubyPitbull
    Honey, your posting here the way you did tells me that both you and your wife are at an impasse that will likely destroy your marriage if you don't do something about it. Her pregnancy makes it much more difficult for you to reason with her. Many women feel insecure about their bodies and whether or not they are attractive to their spouses. There isn't an easy fix to your problem, and it will take work and commitment from both of you to overcome what has ocurred and for you to regain her trust. I would suggest finding a marriage counselor in your area who will teach you both how to properly communicate with each other. Here is a link that will help you get started:
    The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

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