At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Am I overeacting?
My husband and I have a fairly good marriage, some issues, not cheating, and we are working on some issues, like him helping more, etc. He is a very good dad (when he is here) to our 2 1/2 year old daughter.
Anyways, he goes out with our neighbor to ride snowmobiles, ATV's and motorcycles about 3 times a month. Now that it is Spring, it will be more. Our neighbor is a 50 something nice guy, divorced, no kids at home. They go out, ans hubbie never has an answer to when he will be home. Most of the time, he gets home after 10pm, even if he left at noon.
He never calls me! I ask him to call me ONCE to let me know he is OK and if he knows about when he will be home. His excuse is his phone did not have service or he forgot. I know he needs to go out and have fun, BUT, he needs to be respectful and give me a 2 hour window of when he may come home. Also, it bugs me that I never go out and get a break, he spends little time with our daughter, and he drinks sometimes when out. He can drink when he wants, and he is not an alcoholic, BUT, he used to say he would never drink when he is on his motorcycle. I almost don't like him to go with this guy b/c this guy does not have responsibilities at home like my husband does.
Hubbie actually just called (I called him 15 min. ago with no answer) after 5 1/2 hours of being gone since noonish. I asked him when he will be home about, "oh, a few hours." as his daughter is asking "when daddy home?!" oh, I guess after your'e in bed honey. I guess the whole 2 hours he spent with you this morning will be it for the week, he thinks that's enough.
OK, rant over. I am just fed up. He does not think I have anything to be mad about.
So tell him to stop, a couple a days a month may be one issue ( but there should be time frames) or I have heard you get up one saturday had him the child and say you are going out with friends see you later. Perhaps he will get the picuture.
But you need to talk, let him know this type of behavior is not acceptable for a husband and father that has responsiblity, also a few nights sleeping on the couch may give him a few hints too
You have a right to be upset if hubby gets to go out and you don't. Tell him that you don't appreciate him not calling you to let you know when he'll be home. Also tell him that you need a break once in a while too.
Don't start telling you daughter things like "I guess the whole 2 hours he spent with you this morning will be it for the week" that's not going to help the situation, besides, it's quality time that counts, not quantity. Make him more involved with his child and the house, he needs to realize that marriage is two people working together, not just party time and fun.
Your post reminded me of my hubby's behavior...when he was single. So, I asked him what he thought.
"Sounds like her husband is wanting to be an unmarried kid with no responsibilities. Tell him to grow the F up!"
I'd quit doing his laundry, and make him sleep on the couch and fix his own food when he doesn't bother to call, help out or spend some time being part of his family. He might be a great guy who just needs the proverbial two-by-four up the side of his head. Or, he may never grow up.
Please, don't be his servant anymore. No matter how upset he may get. You are not the bad guy in this situation. He is behaving childishly.
It amazes me how many men still feel that it is the wifes responsibility to take care of the household. Maybe I am wrong, but the few times I was away from the family for more than a few hours I felt like I was cheating them of my presents. This guy is insensitive to the needs of his family and needs to be put in his place. Grow up!
Your husband has a problem. He still does not appreciate that his focus on the world around him has to change.
The next time sunshine decides to take off, ask him to wait for you and the baby or, be somewhere else when he gets home and tell him to fend for himself since he doesn't seem to have the common courtesy to let his wife and daughter into his world any more!
Yes, he does need to grow up. Right now he's having lots of fun with his older buddy. It's sort of a dad-son type thing and he's having a great time. If I were you I'd go along and drag your kid with you and everyone have a good time. Don't retaliate by not making him dinner as this tactic will most likely go right over his head...ditto on the laundry. Don't stoop to his level. Be above his level. Act like a lady and mother. Just a thought. Have you tried to call him on his cell phone instead of waiting for him to call you? Maybe if you called him to gently remind him that supper is waiting, etc. he might get some kind of hint and come home. You seem too resentful that you too can't go out and have fun. Why don't you plan a family outing so that everyone can have some fun together - even include Mr. Idonthaveawifeanymore in the fun. Who knows? You just might like the old geezer too and have some good family fun after all. Oh yes, and when you call hubby about supper waiting I sure hope that you had invited old geezer prior to their outing that day. Geezer probably can't pass up a good home cooked meal and he will be sure to have your hubby home so he can eat also.
A guy going out two or three times a month to ride his toys..........hhmmm.....I guess if that is to much he my as well sell all the toys. Why have them if you cant enjoy them? I guess I see things differntly....If he is gone 2-3 days a week on his toys.....that is 10 % of the time out of a month........The other 90% must either be at work or with his family! What would you like??
Mike
Linear Mode
