In love With two men

Thegirl123 · Apr 16, 2008, 08:28 AM

I live in Utah where in our culture getting married young and getting engaged quick is the norm. I met a man Before i got married we had an amazing connection just everything was wonderful and fun.Due to my religious beliefs that he didn't share I felt like I had to let him go. I met My husband 2 months later and he fulfilled all the requirements that i was told to marry all during my youth. ( keep in mind I was 18)

My husband was a good man but I had my doubts during our engagements.. little things like he wanted to see me everyday and starting telling me what to do subtle like.

Our first year was really nice just getting through school, little apartment. I must have not felt a real strong connection with my husband, because the first chance I had to reconnect with my old flame I did. We would talk all day long on the internet while I was at work. We still could talk for hours and never get bored and we had so much fun. We wanted to meet up and when I saw him again my heart lept it was so exciting. We didn't start having an affair til 3 years later. I had to work up a lot of gusto to get to that point. It just isn't like me to be so secretive and lie. I love to take care of those around me and I love to have fun and be kind. I wasn't feeling loved my husband and I went else where for it. I understand what I did was wrong. But now I am faced with a choice.

My husband found out and is willing to work on his and my faults to build our marriage to be stronger. He has a very controlling and dominating personality, where as i have a hard time sticking up for my self and I am constatntly afraid of making him mad. I am Just too nice. He has his moments though when things are up they are good.

Then I have this other guy who knows how to make me smile and wants me to be who I am. I am not afraid of him. He is special to me and just a great guy. I Know he would treat me like a princess forever.

So comes to my real question: Why can't i just choose one!!! I am done with fooling around. Should I stay with my husband continue the life we have built and just suck it up and try to make everything work.

Or start from ground Zero with the man I betrayed my husband with, the man that I think really knows me.

I love them both but in order to continue I have to decide and I am just stuck... So back and forth with what to do. so many pros and cons.

Maybe it would be best if I just went on my own and grew up.. because I am obviously not mature enough to handle this.

Right now I live in a an apartment alone... I kinda have a deadline... they both want me to just decide and its so much pressure.

I just have so much guilt and pain. I don't know who to go to for help.

Any input would be nice.
Thanks for listening to my story

helpless 123 · Apr 16, 2008, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thegirl123

I live in Utah where in our culture getting married young and getting engaged quick is the norm. I met a man Before i got married we had an amazing connection just everything was wonderful and fun.Due to my religious beliefs that he didn't share I felt like I had to let him go. I met My husband 2 months later and he fulfilled all the requirements that i was told to marry all during my youth. ( keep in mind I was 18)

My husband was a good man but I had my doubts during our engagements.. little things like he wanted to see me everyday and starting telling me what to do subtle like.

Our first year was really nice just getting through school, little apartment. I must have not felt a real strong connection with my husband, because the first chance I had to reconnect with my old flame I did. We would talk all day long on the internet while I was at work. We still could talk for hours and never get bored and we had so much fun. We wanted to meet up and when I saw him again my heart lept it was so exciting. We didn't start having an affair til 3 years later. I had to work up a lot of gusto to get to that point. It just isn't like me to be so secretive and lie. I love to take care of those around me and I love to have fun and be kind. I wasn't feeling loved my husband and I went else where for it. I understand what I did was wrong. But now I am faced with a choice.

My husband found out and is willing to work on his and my faults to build our marriage to be stronger. He has a very controlling and dominating personality, where as i have a hard time sticking up for my self and I am constatntly afraid of making him mad. I am Just too nice. He has his moments though when things are up they are good.

Then I have this other guy who knows how to make me smile and wants me to be who I am. I am not afraid of him. He is special to me and just a great guy. I Know he would treat me like a princess forever.

So comes to my real question: Why can't i just choose one!!! I am done with fooling around. Should I stay with my husband continue the life we have built and just suck it up and try to make everything work.

Or start from ground Zero with the man I betrayed my husband with, the man that I think really knows me.

I love them both but in order to continue I have to decide and I am just stuck... So back and forth with what to do. so many pros and cons.

Maybe it would be best if I just went on my own and grew up.. because I am obviously not mature enough to handle this.

Right now I live in a an apartment alone... I kinda have a deadline... they both want me to just decide and its so much pressure.

I just have so much guilt and pain. I don't know who to go to for help.

Any input would be nice.
Thanks for listening to my story

I understand how you feel. I to got married at 18 and had a similiar problem the only difference is my husband was the one who knew me best and let me be myself.My advice to you is just stop take a deep breath and really think about what you want,the answer is there.Who will make you the happiest and love you no matter what.No one should control you or make you be something your not,and if they really tuely love you they will wait no matter how long it takes.If neither can wait then maybe neither are the right one.I followed my heart and have been happily married to the same man for almost 16 years.

N0help4u · Apr 16, 2008, 06:04 PM

From what I have seen once a control freak always a control freak and sure they will treat you great when everything is going their way. In the end you are miserable because they want what they want when they want and you think you are getting what you want UNTIL you go against what they want. Then it is their way. I don't know if he is that extreme but the two of you do not even sound compatible in the least.



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