I am married for the last 4 years having a daughter.we had a love marrige.i am still quite happy with my married life.some months before i came across a man whom i started loving.We had sex twice.loving himmore day by day...at the same time i love my husband too..is tht wrong to love two men at one time.am i cheating my husband.till now my husband doesn't knows abt all this.Sometimes i feel like to confess him everything.sometimes i feel to break the relationship i have with the other man.Wht should i do .I am confused.Is this love of mine or just an inclination towards another manOr it is a sexual desire of mine.I didn't find asnwers to my questions. help

Fr_Chuck

Yes it is wrong, you are doing your husband very badly, ** guess you would not care if he was sleeping with someone else ?**

You break off all contact with the other person, no email, no phone calls, no meeting, can get couseling if you have to.

Of course if you wish to leave your husband, let him keep the daughter since this would be only fair since you are the one who wants out.

rodandy12

You can certainly love more than one person at a time.

If you are married, the issue is what you do about it. You also mention a daughter. For her sake you need to carefully consider what you are doing. If your husband finds out, there will be a great deal of hurt passed around. Whether you realize it or not, she will be in for a fairly large share and she deserves none of it. Kids always think fights between mom and dad are their fault.

I strongly recommend not confessing the affair. That is your guilt talking. If your husband doesn't know and you can end the other relationship, this is best for your daughter, your husband and your marriage. You must deal with your guilt all by yourself.

Altenweg

Yes it's wrong to love two men at the same time. You are married, did your marriage vows mean anything or were they just words that you recited because they sounded good at the time? You are cheating on your spouse, if you love him so much than this other man shouldn't even be an issue. You cannot have both. Your husband has a right to know that you are cheating and base his decision on the facts.

You have a choice, this is not something that happened to you, but a situation that you yourself created. It's time to be a responsible adult and face the music. Choose, you can't have both.

rodandy12

Well, you can have both...for a while. You can't do it indefinitely. You will eventually get caught.

I would end it. Again, confessing will not serve the relationship. Just don't do it again.

Altenweg

I don't agree. Getting caught is not the issue, she's married and should uphold the vows that she took with her husband. If she wants to sleep around then she shouldn't have gotten married.

Confession is good for the soul. Her husband has a right to know that she has put him at risk for a std and has broken their marriage vows. She's not the only one who has a decision to make, so does he.

mjl

So you say that you are in love with 2 men at once. I have to disagree.
You don't love either, because if you loved your husband you would not cheat on him.
If you loved the man you are cheating with you would be with him, and not keeping him your dirty little secret.

Therefore, you don't love either, because you wouldn't do something like that to someone you love.

talaniman

You don't love either of them, because you don't love yourself. You want to be loved, but don't know how and your motives are selfish, and even cruel. If your husband was cheating as you are now, how would you feel? If you don't know how to cope with your own feelings, get help, but free the ones who will be hurt by your lack of judgement.

rodandy12

English is a poor language for dealing with this issue. The single term for love does not capture anything like its complexity.

I think you guys are confusing culture and commitment with love. I would agree that in our culture (2008 US) it is not acceptable to be married to one individual and be sexually involved with another. Based on what our culture says about these relationships, mjl and talaniman are perfectly correct and the issue they are pointing to is commitment. There is no legal framework for a relationship of this type. That is not to say humans cannot love multiple individuals.

Multiple marriage has existed since biblical times and certainly does today. It exists in the US and in many countries around the world. I challenge you to tell me humans in these relationships do not love each other. I would also challenge you to convince me that this culture we have in the US today is morally any better than any other that exists or has existed in the past.

Good or bad, we can love multiple persons. As I said before, it depends on what one does about it given the culture they are in.

Altenweg

Are we really arguing about the definition of Love?

The point is that you shouldn't love two men at the same time, not that you can't, obviously you can. If the OP cares at all about her husband and daughter then she should keep her pants on and be faithful.

Multiple marriages do indeed exist, in most countries it is illegal to be married to more than one person at a time, but bigamy does exist. Does that make it right? I guess that does depend on who you are and the culture you are in.

Maybe the OP should ask her husband if it's okay for her to sleep with the other guy as well as him. Tell him that she loves them both and wants them both, maybe he's open minded and will go for the idea. Heck, why even bother with marriage and marriage vows, why doesn't everyone just live for love and who cares about marriage and decency and the family unit? Follow your heart and who cares about the consequences, as long as you're happy right?

Why even bother getting married if you fall in and out of love every time the wind changes? Stay single, that way you can fall in love and sleep with anyone you want, what a great example for the kids.

Well, another rant for me. Good luck to the OP and her love triangle.