i have a question, my husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS.... then i found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should i be worried?? or is this just another way for him to get off. the thing that really bothers me is that i seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is seperated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times. AND he user name is hornysailorman. i mean come on.... you see my user name i mean damn that is my user name for everthing.

a little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, im 21 he is 23, im alittle over 300lbs and he is like 220. he is 6'3 and im 5'10. we met online on eharmaney around march2005.

i am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but im worried that he does not find me sexy anymore.

some of my friends say that i should talk to him............ well i have, more times then i can count. i have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. but he still does it. we cant go to conseling because we dont make that kinda money. the thing is i am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he tv. saying that maybe if i picked up the house alittle more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
this it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED?????

Synnen

um...yeah.

Not communicating with you and 3 hours every night of porn is a problem. Sounds like he's addicted, really.

You may want to confront him, and see if he will go to marriage counseling with you, because you're probably going to need it.

kp2171

i second that.

hes just going through the motions.

no communication kills relationships.

porn.. well thats up to the couple and how they interpret it... some couples report it helps their sex life, some couples believe it can destroy a marriage, but you arent doing this as a couple.

so the big concern is he isnt engaged in this relationship. porn is just the outlet hes using to fill whatever gap there is.

time to have a serious talk.

jrebel7

I refer you to the first sentence of your post. Anything that takes a spouse away from the other spouse, (ex: 3 hours after working) especially after being away from them for a 10 hour day is wrong unless it would be the care of a sick child, etc. Even if a child is chronially ill, a couple still needs to arrange time to be spent together for closeness and loving, and renewing their love.

I would be very worried about the lack of communication between the two of you. At the ages you are, both of you should be fulfilling each other's desires with each other, bonding, becoming closer in body and soul.

My personal belief is that porn is wrong.

Anything that takes time away from those you love by such large blocks of time would concern me, whether it be sports, porn, alcohol, gambling, daydreaming, reading for hours at a time, shopping, and the list could go on forever. Anything that controls your time rather than you controlling your own time is of great concern in not only a marriage but just for the individuals mental and emotional state of well-being.

He should not shut you out or look at porn because of your weight but if that is a concern for you, then I would encourage you to begin an exercise program, better food choices, etc. BUT, do this for yourself, not to keep him interested in sex with you. If he is hooked on porn, it probably won't make much difference if you are slim or overweight. This seems to be more about his self-gratification and not about your marriage.

I wish you the best. I would just encourage you to address these issues with him and express your concerns and your emotions it is putting you through. He is your husband and needs to know your needs. Maybe by sharing your concerns with him, it might make him more aware of your need to have time with him. Perhaps he will then share what he is needing from you to make him a better husband to you. Just communicate.

EDIT: I started this post then got pulled away. I should have checked to see if other's had posted. They addressed the same issues but maybe seeing this many voice some of the same concerns will help you also. Best to you!

peggyhill

As to whether porn is wrong, personally, I'm believe it is, but that is because of my religious beliefs. But what I can tell you is that him spending 3 hours a night looking at it definitely is! It sounds like he has an addiction! Also, not even attempting to spend time with you is also wrong.

I would be worried about the dating sites. It sounds like maybe it started out with a fantasy, and now he is taking it to the next level by going to the dating sites. To me, it sounds like the beginning of a downward spiral.

You say he refuses to change, refuses to talk to you, and claims if you cleaned more he would talk to you. Honey, this guy has no idea how to respect a woman! You are a valuable, beautiful, intelligent human being, and this guy isn't treating you that way. He goes to work, comes home and trashes the house, then spends three hours on line looking at naked woman and now he's trying to meet them?! And then he has the nerve to blame it on you!!!??? That make me so mad! What a jerk!!!

You said you didn't have the money to go to counseling. Have you considered finding a local minster or religious leader of your choice that would sit down and talk to you? (no offense, if you aren't a religious person) If you explain to the minister that you and your husband are having some problems and need help with your marriage, then I'm sure he/she would be happy to help. At least, the minister at my church always is. It might be worth giving it a shot, since it's free.

Ultimately, you have to do what will make you happy. Give it some time, keep encouraging him to seek help, keep trying for a while. But, if time goes by and this guy doesn't change, don't feel bad if you leave him. You are young and have your whole life ahead. Don't waste time with a guy who doesn't care how you feel.

Good luck, and I'm always on here if you ever need someone to talk to. Just send me a message or make a post. Just remember that you are a wonderful person, and don't let this guy drag your self-esteem down.

George_1950

You wrote: " this is is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old."

How long have you been married? Is he still under warranty? If not, marriage counseling/therapy is a must. Sounds as though he has no conscience; therefore, he could be an adict.

BROCKSGIRL86

we got married April 5th 2007. we are not even on our 1 year mark yet.

George_1950

You may be suffering 'new-relationship syndrome'; I hope you will find marriage/relationship counseling helpful because I can appreciate that your husband is disappointing you a great deal.

BROCKSGIRL86

i have been depressed for about 3 weeks now. disappointing is not even the tip of the ice burge

BROCKSGIRL86

this one might sound the same as another one, but i didnt get the answer i was looking for. so i thought that i would try again. please help, any answer will help no matter how big or how stupied it may sound.

my husband lovesss his porn, he works 10 hours a day then he comes home eats dinner barely talks to me then heads back to the computer room for 3 HOURS.... then i found that he is going onto these sex dating sights, should i be worried?? or is this just another way for him to get off. the thing that really bothers me is that i seen his page on this dating sight, and it says that he is seperated and that he is looking for a bad good for some good times or somrthing like that. AND he user name is hornysailorman. i mean come on.... and we only have sex once a month, is that normal?????

a little info about us, we got married April 5 2007, im 21 he is 23, im alittle over 300lbs and he is like 220. he is 6'3 and im 5'10. we met online on eharmaney around march2006.

i am worried that it is my wight, and that he married me because he loves me for the girl that is inside, and that is grate but im worried that he does not find me sexy anymore. what can i do about that.

Some of my friends say that i should talk to him............ well i have, more times then i can count. i have told him how it hurts me and how it makes me sick. but he still does it. he says that is looking something up for work and that he needs the door closed because it is to cold with it open, and to stay warm he has to close it. BS. he will be in there for about an hour and i will find something to put away that has to go into the back room and everytime i knock on the door and he yells back " hold on.... rusel, zip, a click click form the computer, and then a come on in". and when i walk in the computer screen is back to the main screen. what would you think??? what wound be going on in your head??

We talk at night before we go to bed, that is where i feel like it is eazer to talk to him, and he said that he loves me and doesnt want a devorce,(witch he as thretened me a few times if i dont start picking up the house more) and that he is sorry that he is spending all that time back there. he said yesterday that he is done with the work crap that he has to do, soooo we will see how much time he spends back there now. and another thing, he sciped luch today, he always comes home for lunch. but i love him and trust him that he says he is working.

We cant go to conseling because we dont make that kinda money. the thing is i am the one talking, he just sitts there just looking at he tv. saying that maybe if i picked up the house alittle more then he might want to hang out in the living room more.
this it is spotless when he gets home, but when he gets home he is the one that makes it into a pig stiy. it is like being married to a 3 year old.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED?????