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Before I got married I knew 2 guys who had dated my wife as teenages before before the 2 of us got together. She assured me it was only 2 or 3 dates and nothing happened, between them they were only 17 years old. Now I found out it that was not true. It is killing me , i m so jealious. I confonted my wife on this and only says its was nothing, she wont say it did happen, but wont say it did,nt. just that it stopped before it got heavy. Now we are not talking. How can I get over this jealiousy?
Were you a virgin when the two of you got married?
How many other women did YOU get "hot and heavy" with?
We don't like to think about our girlfriends, or especially or WIVES, having already been with someone else before we got into the picture. Whether it's sex or just kissing, we don't like it.
Our past, our prior experiences, whether good or bad, make us who we are.
Do you think less of her now? Or are you even more upset because you know the guys?
Either way, you can't change it, so don't fight it.
I'll tell you one thing for sure. The bigger the deal you make of it, the bigger the wedge you are driving between yourself and your wife. Make no mistake, this will ruin your marriage if you let a thing like this eat away at you.
Go kiss your wife , and tell her that you love her just the way she is.
First thing to understand... YOUR jealousy is not HER problem. Jealousy is an emotional form of possessiveness that has no positive use whatsoever. You can sit on your bed with your toy truck and yell "MINE" or you can get over your insecurity and have a relationship.
Sorry to be blunt but you are not being a husband, you are being an owner and she cannot be blamed for resenting it.
Wake up you fool! Keep going like this and you will lose her.
Your feelings and thoughts are your responsibility. No one make you think and feel them and you are the only person that can stop thinking and feeling them.
We all have a past. Your wife is under no obligation to tell you anything about her previous partners and what transpired with them. Guess what? That's in the past.
Why are you worried about this? Does it make you feel insecure? Why?
These are the questions you need to be asking yourself, not a blow by blow description of what happened when she was a teenager.
Take some responsibility for your jealous thoughts and act to stop them. See a counselor if necessary. Apologize to your wife for being so foolish and concentrate on your love for her.
You are not Marco Polo discovering some undiscovered territory. Anything possible can and probably has already been done to every woman you know. Come to grip with the fact that anything that happened before you is 1) immaterial and 2) none of your effin business and you will sleep a lot better at night.
And the old saying... dont ask questions you dont really want to know the answers to.
So maybe she had sex with several people before you were married, she has no duty to tell you about it, and for some sad reason in our society, women are expected almost to lie and say no they were not with someone else, but men can brag about how many and different ways.
Her past is just that, her past, if you can not accept that, your marriage will be just that, in the past
I really hope you didn't so much as look at another girl when you were a teenager if you are freaking out about what your wife did when she was a teen... jeeze. If I was your wife after the outburst you had I'd be second guessing being married to you. You act as if this all happened while you were married.
Before I got married I knew 2 guys who had dated my wife as teenages before before the 2 of us got together.
So who cares-- if she dated 23 it shouldn't be an issue. You married her because you loved her. If you did love her you wouldn't really care about this.
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She assured me it was only 2 or 3 dates and nothing happened, between them they were only 17 years old.
Why would she have to assure you anyways? It's HER past. You were NOT a part of it. She chose YOU not them! She chose YOU to make a future with.
Jesus, she was 17 it doesn't even really mean anything at that age. Your a teenager at the time, you'd fall in love with a toaster if it had a pulse.
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Now I found out it that was not true. It is killing me , i m so jealious. I confonted my wife on this and only says its was nothing, she wont say it did happen, but wont say it did,nt. just that it stopped before it got heavy. Now we are not talking. How can I get over this jealiousy?
Get over yourself, really. She didn't even know you. How stupid is that-- your basically telling her to rewrite her past.
Your a dummy husband. Go to therapy because you do need it. Your obviously insecure and you have issues to deal with.
This type of jealousy is irrational. It really is. I can see if you were jealous about Alfred her personal trainer, or her flirty co-worker Al--- but your talking about people she was with before you.
Have all of these responses made you feel like you're being petty?
If not, read them again.
We can't expect our wives or husbands to be absolutely perfect, now can we?
I would like to know why this subject even came up in the first place. This is the worst, most unhealthy conversation that you can have with your spouse. Do not talk about how many lovers, or how many guys/girls they've kissed.
It's simply just not important as long as they are not a laboratory experiment for STD's.
Go tell your wife that you're sorry, and take her out to dinner and a movie.
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