Let me first start by saying I met my husband and his best friend the same day. We were all in our teens and they were both vying for my attention. I was unaware of this and began dating my now husband. We were married a week after my 18th birthday and ten years later we have two children and are, on the exterior, the perfect high school sweetheart success story. My husbands best friend throughout the years has became my best friend also. We have all three seen each other through all of life's challenges. But under the surface, it is all a disaster for me. Our friend and I first slept together 6 years ago. It was a truly unplanned thing. There had obviously been some sexual tension between the two of us and I was going through a difficult time as a new mom and with my husband working all the time I needed a shoulder to lean on. It just happened and we both felt horrible. We contemplated confessing our sins but we both knew it would destroy my husband. We vowed to never allow it to happen again and to pretend it never happened. We agreed it was a huge mistake. So that is what we did, but something had opened up in both of us that day. And since that day it has been almost impossible to ignore. When the two of us are around each other there is a heat in the air, we of course ignore it and smile and throughout the years we have perfected the art of being "just" friends. But behind closed doors he and I are unable to keep our hands off one another. When I am in the room with him I feel like a teenager with butterflies. We have only given into our passion a handful of times but those few times have eaten at both our souls. We both love my husband and never would want to hurt him. But we both know that is what we are doing, even if he is unaware. My husband is truly a wonderful man. But how do you fight chemistry and a urge that is in your soul? Our friend and I have discussed what could be and we both agree that our time is not now, that because of my husband we could not become anything more than friends even if we are in love. So my question is how do you stop loving someone you aren't allowed to have. I say not allowed because that is how I feel. I feel like when I was 17 I made a decision to marry the man I did and that is now the decision I must live with for the rest of my life. Even if my true love and happiness are right outside the door. Please don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes. I wish Love could be as cut and dry as some feel it is.