Let me first start by saying I met my husband and his best friend the same day. We were all in our teens and they were both vying for my attention. I was unaware of this and began dating my now husband. We were married a week after my 18th birthday and ten years later we have two children and are, on the exterior, the perfect high school sweetheart success story. My husbands best friend throughout the years has became my best friend also. We have all three seen each other through all of life's challenges. But under the surface, it is all a disaster for me. Our friend and I first slept together 6 years ago. It was a truly unplanned thing. There had obviously been some sexual tension between the two of us and I was going through a difficult time as a new mom and with my husband working all the time I needed a shoulder to lean on. It just happened and we both felt horrible. We contemplated confessing our sins but we both knew it would destroy my husband. We vowed to never allow it to happen again and to pretend it never happened. We agreed it was a huge mistake. So that is what we did, but something had opened up in both of us that day. And since that day it has been almost impossible to ignore. When the two of us are around each other there is a heat in the air, we of course ignore it and smile and throughout the years we have perfected the art of being "just" friends. But behind closed doors he and I are unable to keep our hands off one another. When I am in the room with him I feel like a teenager with butterflies. We have only given into our passion a handful of times but those few times have eaten at both our souls. We both love my husband and never would want to hurt him. But we both know that is what we are doing, even if he is unaware. My husband is truly a wonderful man. But how do you fight chemistry and a urge that is in your soul? Our friend and I have discussed what could be and we both agree that our time is not now, that because of my husband we could not become anything more than friends even if we are in love. So my question is how do you stop loving someone you aren't allowed to have. I say not allowed because that is how I feel. I feel like when I was 17 I made a decision to marry the man I did and that is now the decision I must live with for the rest of my life. Even if my true love and happiness are right outside the door. Please don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes. I wish Love could be as cut and dry as some feel it is.

Well, this is a perfect example of why you should NOT get married when you are young. I won't judge you cause I have never "walked in your shoes" however; why don't you put your shoe on the other foot and think of how you would feel if your husband was doing that to you!

hun-e-b's got it, you married way too young, and now your curiosity has gotten the best of you.

The only known way to move on from someone is never to see or speak to them again, and being has he's your husband's best-friend, this is going to be a little hard to pull off, the truth is going to have to come out eventually, so you'd better just tell him.

Gee, it's easy to make excuses isn't it?

Married too young...
Husband works a lot..
I needed support..
It's chemistry..
I can't help it..

Why shouldn't we judge you? You claim you want to stay in the marriage but yet you persist in having an affair, because you 'can't help it'.

It's time for you to grow up and stop blaming something else for your lack of honesty and integrity. If you truly cared for your husband, as you claim, you would not be cheating on him. You would be doing your best to focus on your marriage and make it work.

It's time to open the can of worms. Your husband is totally ignorant (we assume) of the duplicity of the people he cares about - his wife and his best friend. The poor sod is living his daily life in the belief that he can trust the two people he loves!

You're totally naïve if you think that you can just stop this affair with his best friend and carry on as normal. Nothing is normal and it won't ever be again.

The only way to deal with this is to bring it out into the open. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear. Your husband needs to be the one to make the choice about what happens because he's the one who is dis-empowered.

Only total honesty will bring about a resolution. Otherwise, regardless of whether you continue the affair or stop it you will always be living a lie.

I AM in your shoes, I am married, so here it goes.

What did your husband do to deserve this?

He has lost his best friend AND his wife in one blow.

You say that you "can't help it", well, you can. Stop acting like a young schoolgirl .

Next time you are lusting for this man, think about your children, and their FATHER, like a married woman should.

You act as though you want credit for not having sex but a "handful of times", are you serious?

You should talk to your husband, and let HIM decide what it is that HE wants to do with the two of you.

I'm sure this is no shock to you, getting responses like this. But you are the one who put this out there for us to pounce on.

You want to know how to get these feelings from surfacing every time that you see him?
Get your wedding pictures out, and look at them closely. THAT is the man that you married. THAT is the man who fathered your children (I suppose). THAT is the man that you swore(possibly before God) to have and to hold, to honor, and to love.

Yes, you owe it to your husband to tell him the truth.

This problem is not unusual. You are not a bad person . But it is a bad thing that you are doing to a good man.

He is living with the woman that he loves.

And that woman is living the life of a cheater and a liar.

I ask you, is that fair?

There is no way that I could hurt my wife the way you are hurting your husband.

That's the way I see it from my shoes.

Never been in your shoes, never will be either. I won't judge you but clearly you both have crossed the lines of good behavior and betrayed a trust by lying and cheating, and no excuse you can come up with will justify your poor decisions, or bad behavior.

But to be fair, I think as hurtful, and profound his reaction will no doubt be, he deserves to know his so called wife, and so called friend, have made a mockery of life, so he can make his own choices, and decisions for himself. That would be the right thing to do but liars and cheaters seldom do what's right. They are to selfish getting what they want to care who it hurts.

Break that mold and do what's right and deal with the truth.

You can always have the friend after he kicks you both to the curb, so maybe you still win(?).

If you truly love you husband you wouldn't be having an affair, which is what you are doing, having an affair. As others have said stop making excuses,accept the blame and accept what you a doing.

I agree with slapshot_Oi that the Only way you can stop obsessing over this "Best friend" (I don't see how you can call him you husband friend here, he is having an affair with his wife.) Is to get him out of your life for good. And since you can't just ignore him as your husband likes him You Have to bring this in the open. This could end a lot worse and more painful if your husband finds out by himself, which he will do eventually, you can't hide something like this forever, especially if it makes you feel as awful as you say.
As Talaniman says you are selfish, a liar and a cheater, the only way you can ever begin to change that is to confess.

If you tell Confess..
Either your husband agrees to work on your marriage and Neither of you ever see this "Friend" again. Allowing you to get over him and you and your husband to be happy.
Or, your husband divorces you and never sees either of you again leaving you free to be with the "Friend" quilt free.

Either way you end up with a man you "love".