I'm happy, but is he?

pumkin2 · #1 Jan 31, 2007, 08:55 AM

I've been married for 1 year now and all together i have been with him for 5. Since we said "I Do", Some things haven't been the same. Now we are both sexually and physically attracted to each other...that's not a problem, but everytime we get into an arguement he threatens he wants a divorce, now he has said this over thousands of times, then usually the next day he's totally fine and kissy huggy. I'm confused, b/c I know he loves me, but why when he gets mad he throws the "D (divorce) word up in my face?? Now I know he can't afford a divorce, but i'm curious if deep down inside he really wants one or is he just saying it....what should i do?????? help me!!

popsinflorida · Jan 31, 2007, 09:58 AM

Does He Have Any Issues With Divorce Poss. His Parents..
You Might Want To Talk To Him About Why He Says That Now, While Your Still Early In The Marriage...better Than Finding Out Later..hopefully You Can Talk It Out..

imworried · Jan 31, 2007, 10:24 AM

Since you posted earlier in the day, it seems as the jealousy has shifted sides. First you were jealous of him watching another woman and now you are accusing him of being jealous because he thinks you are seeing another man??? It sounds as though both of you need to sit down and make sure you are in this marriage for the right reasons and make sure that you understand each others' intents.

pumkin2 · Jan 31, 2007, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imworried

Since you posted earlier in the day, it seems as the jealousy has shifted sides. First you were jealous of him watching another woman and now you are accusing him of being jealous because he thinks you are seeing another man??? It sounds as though both of you need to sit down and make sure you are in this marriage for the right reasons and make sure that you understand each others' intents.

Not to discuss this situation in an aggressive way, but yes i had gotten a little jealous seeing my husband look at this preformer, but this topic of discusstion has nothing to do with me...it has to do with him consently asking for a divorce when we are in a arguement....im lost with your consent...

cpalmist · Aug 22, 2007, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumkin2

I've been married for 1 year now and all together i have been with him for 5. Since we said "I Do", Some things haven't been the same. Now we are both sexually and physically attracted to each other...that's not a problem, but everytime we get into an arguement he threatens he wants a divorce, now he has said this over thousands of times, then usually the next day he's totally fine and kissy huggy. I'm confused, b/c I know he loves me, but why when he gets mad he throws the "D (divorce) word up in my face?? Now I know he can't afford a divorce, but i'm curious if deep down inside he really wants one or is he just saying it....what should i do?????? help me!!

Research shows that the Great Relationships always both reassure the other partner but also remind the other partner that there is something to lose. That keeps the interest and commitment up else it becomes a deadly dull experience.
I would suggest you play the game as well, especially since it is such a big 'hot' button with you. I think just asking him if he plays the divorce card to have the great sex of making up is what he's doing. Some will do this to keep the passion in the relationship. I remember my cousin's girlfriends telling her at her wedding that she didn't have to 'do it' just because he wanted to. How sad a thing to say at a wedding - usually its the hot sex and passion that attracts people together and is the glue of the relationship.
So you might want to clear the air and tell him, if you keep threatening divorce, I just might have some papers for you to sign one day so be careful of what you wish for. And watch his reaction and proceed accordingly.
DO NOT HAVE A KID TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING - God! If you think you have problems now, a kid will escalate those and bring one's you never dreamed of into play.

Sincere1 · Aug 23, 2007, 09:48 AM

You guys need to talk (when you're not already arguing) about "Rules for Arguing". It is so immature to throw out these empty threats just to hurt the other person in the midst of a fight. It's just a matter of time before one of you decide to take up the other on these threats. Just an idea ... talk to him and ask him if he really wants a divorce. But, then again, some people love drama.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 23, 2007, 07:33 PM

When he uses the "D" word, do you then back down? It seems to me he is using the word to manipulate you. You two need to sit down when you're not arguing and establish some rules. No threatening with divorce when things are not going your way. You are early into the marriage. Don't let bad patterns be established.
Whatever problems you have, deal with them now, they don't just go away. If you can't do it in a civil way go to a marriage counselor and get tips on how to handle the conflicts in marriage.

babicakes · Aug 26, 2007, 02:22 AM

hey im really sorry to hear all this my husband is acting the same way but for different reasons but it seems like were having the same problems u guys should sit down and talk tell him how it makes u feel maybe hes not happy and if hes not try to fix it before u get further apart there has to be something that makes him say that aweful D word good luck and hang in there dont let him get to u



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