You are a wonderful and most loving human being. STOP what you are doing and try to figure out why you are so overly committed to a husband who is most obviously not committed to you. Let me tell you that you are to good for this man, regardless of his personal past without you in his life. Is he your husband or child? Because you are treating him as a child. In order to truly love someone, one must love self and deem self worthy of love, affection, commitment, loyalty and respect. You don't have this regardless of any of his issues. You feel sorry him and one day this is going to eat you alive, drive you insane or kill you. It will break your heart believe me please.
I am married to a man that had a horrific upbringing, terrible 1st marriage and his health has gone from bad to the worst it can be with far to many issues to deal with on all levels. He is currently in the hospital. While I have worked, been his slave, cook, companion, mother, partner and the list just goes on and on out of my love? Concern for his well-being, I have never even thought of who am I and what do I get out of this aside from exhaustion due to being older now.
I woke up just a few days ago thinking what the heck is wrong with me? My body feels horrible, my nerves are beyond shot, I am beyond worn out and I am so alone in the world by staying with him all these years.
How did I wake up? Hopefully you will prior to this happening to yourself.
My husband has been very ill and has been highly worse this past month. He can't lift a finger to do any form of housework. For years I get extreme upset that I would ask him to go 2 blocks to the store with me and help me bring the buggy back. He won't do stairs. He sleeps all day due to his illnesses. He has broken anything good we had in the house and messed it beyond belief due to not being able to do things for himself never mind me. My cousin, 14 years my senior is a Christian Fundamentalist. I am a believer of God, Jesus and a great respect for life of all kinds, People regardless of everything about them. My husband knowing for years that I have nicely asked my cousin countless times to change the subject as her religion is not my cup of tea suddenly was going for coffee to her place. She lives a couple of blocks away. He's climbing a very high staircase to get into her building and back down. He will help her carry her groceries home. He will take the bus across town to take out not one but two air-conditioners and walk them outside to the garbage himself. He's devoted to watching her religious shows to the point of ( we have two big TV's) he will come into the room I am in and change the channel to watch what he likes. I will say I was watching that he will make me wait until he get's what he wants out of it. Now for over one month, he can't get out of bed well, can't shower, can't bath well, can't dress well, can't do any housework, nor go anywhere etc. Looks in all honesty horrible. Somehow he's managed to go to this church of her's almost daily for weeks now doing all he can do normally for them. We argued over the fact that this was wrong of him to being doing all of this when his home was not taken care of. I disliked this church stuff due to the fact they hate everyone and consider the world the anti-christ without an explanation. Not being jealous by how can he be active for my cousin and church when he's not around me.
He collapsed on our way from the doctor's office to Emergency at the closet hospital. I was at the hospital the first 4 days, helping him sit up, doing it all for him. On the 3rd day he told me he wanted to see my cousin and their Pastor but did not want them to have to run into me and be upset. My husband wouldn't allow me to pay for a phone for him, nor leave change to use the pay phone right next to his room. He informed me he was able to use his female roommate's phone if need be to reach whomever he wished to call. I told him I would email my cousin and the Pastor to come to see him if they wanted too. I got an email back and returned the following day to see him again and inform him they would be coming up within the next few days to see him. I wouldn't be coming so as not to upset them at his request. Well they did come to see him. I called the hospital to check on his condition etc due to how he had been while I was visiting. I was sure he was dying as God as my witness, it was so very bad. His nurse said they knew nothing yet but he had a very busy morning and was quite entertaining and sitting up and walking on his own. I go see him and he goes to sleep. So I nicely told the nurse if his condition changes or they know where he's going from the hospital or when please call me. I will not go back up there for anything.
Please I beg you to know you are better than this and now, not later when you have wasted your good and valuable love on a lesson you can move on from as soon as possible. You deserve someone far more than this and find the reasons for that now, not later or never. Anyone reading his with similar life events. You are far better than being treated like you don't count.