My husband wants to help his ex as friend but he wants to stay with me as friend.

tickle · Jul 20, 2010, 10:22 PM

Well that's bloody decent of him (tongue in cheek!). He wants to carry on and doesn't want it to effect you. So what happens when this friendly gesture turns into more then a friendly gesture?

And what was your reaction to this ? I hope it was something like 'get your damn to the curb!'. Sometimes men really make me sick to think we are that naive.

When it gets right down to basics, Julie, I sincerely hope you are not going to let him get away with this. Please tells us how you intend to handle it.

Ms tickle

Julie7435 · Jul 20, 2010, 10:32 PM

I love him. We talked about it. He does not have any future plans

tickle · Jul 21, 2010, 04:15 AM

That you love him is all well and good, Julie and its good that you talked but the fact remains there is going to be another woman in your life with the man you love. Of course he doesn't have any future plans; will this relationship with his ex be purely platonic? Is he going to remain monogamous or what?

Originally you didn't ask a question, just made a statement. What is the purpose of your post then if you are not looking for advice on how to deal with this situation?

Tick

Julie7435 · Jul 21, 2010, 06:27 AM

That's true there is going to be another woman. Yah he told me that it is going to be platonic and he loves me and can't think of leaving me. My problem I can't leave him and I want him. How I don't know. He says she is in problems and need help.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 21, 2010, 06:32 AM

Question is, do you trust your husband? I'm more on the happy-go-lucky side...possibly because I had my morning coffee. I can't see why he can't help a friend. I have multiple exes (granted, I'm not married) who I stay in touch with, and if one of them needed help with something (again, depending on what it is), and my girlfriend were ok with it, I don't see what the big deal is.

Again, it really depends on the type of "help" she needs...will he need to go out of town and does he need to go entirely out of his way?

Cat1864 · Jul 21, 2010, 06:48 AM

The title of your 'question' has me concerned:

Quote:

my husband wants to help his ex as friend but he wants to stay with me as friend.

What exactly has he said about staying in the marriage? Does he see you as man and wife or does he see you as a companion he is married to?

How did they meet up again after all this time?

Are there any children involved?

Julie7435 · Jul 21, 2010, 07:05 AM

He wants everything to be normal as it was earlier. But he is maintaining distance from me. If I touch him he says he feels guilty that I am in this state because of him. He never wanted to hurt me. He does not wants to go to her just help her as a friend. She has family problem. I met her. They never touched each other. But the feelings for each other were there. They could not marry because of some problem.
He came to know from friends that she is in the same city. He shares everything with me.

jmjoseph · Jul 21, 2010, 07:13 AM

I'm faithful to my wife mainly due to the fact that I won't allow myself be put in the position of trying to trust my inner angel.

Most people have an angel and a devil on their shoulders. I have two little horny little devils that would tempt me into sin while "helping" someone who I have had prior sexual relations with. It's too "familiar". It happens ALL the time. I just wouldn't chance it.

How is he acting about this? Is he making you accept this "helping gesture"?

What kind of help does she need? And why can't you be involved?

It might be nothing at all to him. It might be EVERYTHING to her.

It's simply not worth him putting you through hell for someone who pops up after 15 years. Has she no one else?

Sorry for your trouble.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 21, 2010, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie7435

he wants everything to be normal as it was earlier. But he is maintaining distance from me. If I touch him he says he feels guilty that I am in this state because of him. He never wanted to hurt me. He does not wants to go to her just help her as a friend. She has family problem. I met her. They never touched each other. But the feelings for each other were there. They could not marry because of some problem.
He came to know from friends that she is in the same city. He shares everything with me.

There seems to be a lot more to this story. What do you mean that he is maintaining distance from you? What "state" are you in because of him?

My husband wants to help his ex as friend but he wants to stay with me as friend.

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